Free Therapy Session
Posted 09-25-2009 at 04:48 PM by lightseeker
Went to see my therapist today and it turns out that she had gone out of town and the appointment got messed up.
As I left the house my husband commented that I was wasting my money and I don't need her to figure anything out. As I sat and waited for the "not" appointment I pondered his statement. Well, he is definitely right about not needing her to figure anything out. I already know what I know.
I actually was going to see her to seek solace and to uncover maybe another way that I can figure out how to tolerate the intermittant verbal/emotional abuse that I receive from my husband. It's so much better now that it use to be but the remnants remain. There continue to be judgements and "you are" statements (which actually is a form of name calling). This isn't as overt as the emotional abuse in the past but the subtle and covert abuse is soul numbing just the same.
For years now I have fallen prey to my husband's words of remorse and vows for improved behavior and allowed them to be what sucks me back in again and again and again. After a blowup we'll have a stand off. He will argue his points that allow him to feel justified in throwing our agreement to leave judgements and "you are" statements off the table. After several hours he will have some kind of breakthrough and remember that we've agreed to refrain from judgements. He'll sound like he "gets it" that doing that is worng and will have these momentary episodes of clarity. Those moments are what get me every time.
The slogans of recovery tell me that nothing changes if nothing changes. What is it that I am doing that allows the situation to perpetuate? The number one thing that I do is get incensed when I am judged and then jump straight into the frying pan as he justifies his judgements. I argue my point, get incensed, and I thoroughly am triggered.
That's the broken part of me - what would work in that situation is a) detaching and walking away b) detaching and walking away.
Why do I have such a difficult time in actually doing that? Why do I feel so compelled to argue back and prove my point and try to get him to see my side. I don't like his behavior and judgements but I also don't like my response to it.
Next time he judges me I'm going to recognize it for what it is and detach and walk away. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. I think I'm addicted to defending myself and being understood but I'm going to walk away.
As I left the house my husband commented that I was wasting my money and I don't need her to figure anything out. As I sat and waited for the "not" appointment I pondered his statement. Well, he is definitely right about not needing her to figure anything out. I already know what I know.
I actually was going to see her to seek solace and to uncover maybe another way that I can figure out how to tolerate the intermittant verbal/emotional abuse that I receive from my husband. It's so much better now that it use to be but the remnants remain. There continue to be judgements and "you are" statements (which actually is a form of name calling). This isn't as overt as the emotional abuse in the past but the subtle and covert abuse is soul numbing just the same.
For years now I have fallen prey to my husband's words of remorse and vows for improved behavior and allowed them to be what sucks me back in again and again and again. After a blowup we'll have a stand off. He will argue his points that allow him to feel justified in throwing our agreement to leave judgements and "you are" statements off the table. After several hours he will have some kind of breakthrough and remember that we've agreed to refrain from judgements. He'll sound like he "gets it" that doing that is worng and will have these momentary episodes of clarity. Those moments are what get me every time.
The slogans of recovery tell me that nothing changes if nothing changes. What is it that I am doing that allows the situation to perpetuate? The number one thing that I do is get incensed when I am judged and then jump straight into the frying pan as he justifies his judgements. I argue my point, get incensed, and I thoroughly am triggered.
That's the broken part of me - what would work in that situation is a) detaching and walking away b) detaching and walking away.
Why do I have such a difficult time in actually doing that? Why do I feel so compelled to argue back and prove my point and try to get him to see my side. I don't like his behavior and judgements but I also don't like my response to it.
Next time he judges me I'm going to recognize it for what it is and detach and walk away. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. I think I'm addicted to defending myself and being understood but I'm going to walk away.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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it could also be habit because u r use to respondingPosted 09-25-2009 at 11:51 PM by sammi
- Thats exactly why you should continue to go to therapy! My wife and I both go and it has helped me a great deal. Your husband needs to realize what happens in therapy. Maybe he should go too!! It was the greatest decision I have ever made.Posted 09-28-2009 at 09:37 AM by Jareni
