Mothers Day

well, this is the first mother's day since mom passed. it has been almost 5 months now. i can't believe it. i am still so stressed and feel like i am about to have an emotional breakdown. my house is falling down around my ears. i am behind on school work and loaded down at work. i have to do all that at home so my schedule fits around my husbans' precious work schedule. i am sick of it. i need to figure out how to do things for myself. i need to get out of the house. i need help. i need support and i have nothing. i am soooo blue today. i have always hated this day because of the way mom acted; it was always so super stressful and now i am starting to act just like her. it is like since she has passed all the mom i had n me came bubbling to the surface, like even to the point that i am getting scared to drive on the freeways. i have taken so many roadtrips and driven 24 hours straight so many times, and now i am afraid to get on the freeway.it doesn't make sense. it is probably all in my head, and honestly i would like to go to counseling for it, but i can't find the time or money to do that for myself. it's just ridiculous. i hate this. and it is just getting worse. like i can't stand my husband right now, can't stand him. i am so tired of things always being about him. i feel so done with him and just wish that he would make the effort to be here for me. lord knows i will be there for him when his parents pass. why can't he just take the time to figure out what i NEED and be there for me. why? does he not love me enough. i am beginning to think i am just not worthy of someone loving me unconditional, lord knows my parents didn't, i have pretty conditional friends and then there is my so none sensitive husband. its depressing and i am getting really depressed, to the scary point!!