well, this is the first mother's day since mom passed. it has been almost 5 months now. i can't believe it. i am still so stressed and feel like i am about to have an emotional breakdown. my house is falling down around my ears. i am behind on school work and loaded down at work. i have to do all that at home so my schedule fits around my husbans' precious work schedule. i am sick of it. i need to figure out how to do things for myself. i need to get out of the house. i need help. i need support...

I am so tired of being the ONLY responsible one around me. I am tired of people thinking "oh, jenni will handle it, no worries". I am SOOO tired of carrying everyone's weight. It is exhausting. It's hard. And it hurts that people just use me without any care. There is no support, no strength, no help. Just me taking care of everyone and everything. I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I am just so angry i could SCRREEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!

wow, it's been awhile since i have been on here. life got so busy and hectic, and i neared suffering an emotional breakdown! i went to my first acoa meeting tonight an LOVED it. i almost cried, just walking in there and seeing so many people who knew what i was about. i love knowing (NOW) that it's ok. it's ok to be me. it's ok not to be perfect, in fact, it's ok to be "messed up". i am a work in progess (progress, not perfection!) and i am getting there. i am learning to love me, to take...

grrrrr... I think one of the most frustrating parts of trying to work through all this is my husband. he doesn't understand and likes to treat me like a crazy lady! lol - I guess I am a little crazy. But he should have enough compassion to treat me completely sane even though i'm not right? I guess I should be more understanding. I don't understand what it is like to try and be there for someone who is going through this mess... plus I have to realize that I am more "feely" person compared...

To those that commented to earlier blogs -THANK YOU!!! your support and encouragment mean so much!! I attempted to respond in a message, but apparentely I do not have enough posts. So THANK YOU!!!!!