When Does It Get Better?

Often in the beginning my question was:
When will it ever get better?
The begiining for me started way back in like 1987-1989 period. All though I am a retread those experiences that I had still help me today.

I was not a happy drunk. I ended up South Florida on a drunk with a trucker at that time.
Took me a few days to understand this time leaving home was real different.

I never considered myself as such a hopeless alcoholic- addict.Those kind were the kind that slept by railroad tracks and had no idea of their surroundings. A run in with the cops a sligh delay in finding my friend with a condo who I just had not met yet. But soon we would meet.

Low and behold three sheets to the wind behind a facility next to rail road tracks in the weeds is where I lived for a few days.

I had met mt friend and his condo was these weeds.I soon got hungry and tired dehydrated a few hrs before it would become a medical issue.

My friend got caught steeling some beer and never returned and so I decided to find some kind of clothes. I found my swim trunks dress shirt and cowboy boots.

I met up with a truck biker guy real big to me not that I was small but him he could just squash me. He says why are you here as I suddenly saw it was all AA ....I said well I might need help learning how to drink normally.

He said that everyone would love that but that abstinence was the only way that it worked.
I think I was 20 yrs old. The word abstinence was ever put across to me had to do with sex.
I was not real bright shaking ready to heave and this guy wants to talk about abstinence and I was scared. I was scared Id never be okay again. I said something to the effect That I had no intentions of getting any girl pregnant, he went on to explain abstinence meant not picking up the first drink. I said I thought you taught people how to drink so they didnt cause accidents called cabs etc for them.

There was a baby shower and he looked at me and said I'll be right back they were trying to get me to eat which I was grateful for I did eat did get sick and went to my first meeting that night. There I was cowboy boots dressshirt and swim trunks. Someone asked about pot during that meeting and I was like aw man you mean we cant even do a joint every now and then?

The next words out of my mouth was that and I am an alcoholic I think. By the end of the meeting some big guy got a hold of 4 of us and we vowed we'd stay sober and I think we even felt like we were answering an altar call at church pledging we wanted God to save us.

So there I was and soon calling a half way house doing 90/90 although think I went to 5 meetings some days and somedays worked trying to save some money to go in there.

I stayed sober for several months and soon was back to my home state off and running
one of the first things I did after I proved to my mom and dad I was better was go shopping with mom went to a bar near by drank a half of beer and left the rest stating I could control it.

It would be the same old games the same running around moving heart breaks and plenty of the same war story as many could tell.
It took me 18- 19 yrs to get 1 yr and since then its gotten better worse and different and real different.

It only gets better as I am willing to face myself God and other honestly. It has now been over 4.5 yrs and I work a program trying to live it the best I can using the steps sponsor and many friends online offline and family.

I use alot of these rooms online as well but the only thing that has ever helped the most is getting honest and its continuous.

I find even the steps help some with some of my physical problems as my sponsor says if nothing changes , nothing changes...I really value alot of people online and spoke to several on the phone.

When someone reaches out I want to be there too for them. It just gets real different for me.

Just abit about me and where I come from as far as recovery.