http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:21:31 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/1157-rainy-days-mondays-always-get-me-down.html Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:20:02 GMT I haven't written anything on here for awhile since "the squirrel post" (LOL! Glad you all enjoyed it!:Dance7: I think about weird stuff like that all the time...I just don't always put it to pen!)

Anyways...I seem to have had a rough go of it here lately with my gut problems (IBS/Diverticulosis) but I'm slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that nobody can help me but ME! It is something I guess I will just have to learn to live with the rest of my life and I need to look at it that way instead of something a DR can fix with a pill.

That IS a lovely thought tho..."Here, just take this and ALL your stomach problems will go away forever!! You will be able to eat all the Taco's, pizza and chinese food you want...and let's not forget anything, no...everything with melted, gooey cheese on it!!":lmao
Now that's a pipe dream if I ever heard one!

This whole situation has just made me very angry and frustrated! But you know what? I remember getting this way once before, years ago when I was stuck in an addictive cycle and no one could help me but me...and I worked my way through it OK with the help of family and friends but mainly my own anger was what kept me on track and focused!

People say anger is not good. I think it serves a purpose sometimes and can be quite "healthy" to motivate us in the right direction!

Heck, maybe I will go beat the crap out of a taco later! LOL!:lmao ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/1157-rainy-days-mondays-always-get-me-down.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/413-pondering-squirrels-thoughts.html Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:17:44 GMT I am sitting here watching a squirrel run around looking for food in the backyard while it is pouring rain and he is drenched! {Looks like a wet rat!} I wonder if squirrels get depressed? Do they... I am sitting here watching a squirrel run around looking for food in the backyard while it is pouring rain and he is drenched! {Looks like a wet rat!}

I wonder if squirrels get depressed? Do they wake up in the morning and see that it is raining and think "Oh crap! I have to run around in that BS today?"...Or do they just not even think about it and go on about their business?

I would think they run purely on instinct and what God has provided them with.
"I need food. I will go find food.

I think we can learn alot from the animals! ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/413-pondering-squirrels-thoughts.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/175-i-am-such-good-liar.html Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:41:50 GMT I posted yesterday that I had been doing so well detaching myself {yet again!} from the problems our family has been having with my Dad now for over 4-years...but I "lied".

I don't think I really detached, persay, but just put it in the back of my mind since I seem to have suddenly had so much on my plate as of lately.

Yesterday hubby and I stopped at my parents house to visit for awhile and set up the new telephone I had gotten them for Christmas.
It was still wrapped up and all because my Mom knew it would be stressful for my Dad since he does not "accept" even the slightest bit of change...even a new telephone!

We began setting up the new one and he fretted, paced the floors, tried to talk us out of it and even began sobbing as we tried to convince him it was OK.
He even began to show some signs of anger later on as I was trying to show him how easy it was to use, but I quickly did my best to distract him out of it.

I wish it was as easy to distract my own mind from seeing all that.
I wouldn't say that it was on my mind as constant as it usually is after we visit but I kept having little "flashbacks" late into the evening and I wondered if he was still fretting about the new phone and worrying Mom.

So...It is even just the little things like a visit and the gift of a new [and much needed] phone that are turned into stressful events that don't seem to go away as quickly they should.
I know I should tell myself this is the way it is and go on, but sometimes that is hard.

I probably won't visit again now for a long while like I usually do when something upsetting like this happens. It's a shame too because my Mom really enjoys having the company.

~Jane ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/175-i-am-such-good-liar.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/174-hugs.html Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:28:51 GMT I always end my posts and replies with {{HUGS}} and I often think that some are quite annoyed by this simple jesture.

I don't much blame them because I guess it is kind of annoying and silly...but I am sincere and do it with only the best wishes in mind for the recipient.

Hey, who couldn't use a {{HUG}} sometime?? LOL!
:ghug ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/174-hugs.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/157-update-sammy-bird.html Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:41:48 GMT I ended up taking Sammy to an Avian certified vet about 2-hours away yesterday and had to leave him in their care for several days. The vet who checked him over said she thought it was Pneumonia... I ended up taking Sammy to an Avian certified vet about 2-hours away yesterday and had to leave him in their care for several days.

The vet who checked him over said she thought it was Pneumonia which is very life threatening for birds!
They gave me a list of all they could do for him and the costs, which total around $1100.00. I never once thought about just having him put to sleep and foregoing the costs but I'll be honest that I had to turn down a few of the tests until they get him stable enough.

I had so many important decissions to make yesterday and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done!
I also signed a "do not resuscitate" paper before I left because if it happens and they do something to keep him alive it would only be for an hour or so and I'm not going to have him suffer for my own selfish benefits.

Hubby has been wonderful through all this and I thank God for him!
I was trying to unpack somethings last night and just started crying and wandered in to him while he was dozing on the couch. He held me and patted my hair and told me not to worry and listened to me ramble on through the tears.
He is such a comfort and I am blessed to have him in my life!!!!

Hours later after he had long gone to bed and I could no longer keep my eyes open or find things to occupy my mind, I did what I think I had been dreading all night which was to walk to Sammys empty cage, uncover it and say goodnight.
His cage smelled like him and that was somewhat comforting, but I missed burying my face in his fluffy feathers and kissing his head goodnight.

I called the vet this morning and he is hanging in there! I was so scared before I made the call and what they would say!
I know when the phone rings later that I will be on edge.

He has a full day of testing and other proceedures before him and I pray that he is strong enough to survive!
{{HUGS}}
Jane ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/157-update-sammy-bird.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/106-sammy-stress.html Wed, 09 Jan 2008 06:56:37 GMT My 34-year old parrot, Sammy, has been acting strange for a couple days and I noticed last night he was sneezing, wheezing and making weird "cooing noises"...almost like he was in distress or crying gently.
I was up half the night with him on my shoulder in bed, petting and talking to him gently, trying to figure out if I should be worried or not.

He seemed alittle better today but I called the vet and made an apt. for tomorrow anyways.
Sam hasn't been to the vet in years so he is probably due. I think the DR is going to give him a "Vitamin A" shot to boost his immunity too so that should be quite stressful for us both! He has to give it in the neck and I am just dreading putting my poor baby through all that stress of being "toweled", handled by someone else other than me, and then poked in the neck!!!

I can't help but to imagine what I would do if he doesn't pull through this. I think it is human nature to imagine ourselves in such situations and how we would react.
I think I would probably have a nervous breakdown.

I can't imagine not ever being able to bury my face into his fluffy feathers or having him look into my eyes with such love and devotion!
He is the first thing I see when I awake in the mornings and the last when I go to bed at night. Heck, I even uncover him before I turn off the lights to kiss him and tell him "goodnight"!

I was so stressed out from pondering all this today that I ended up getting him out for a 2-hour afternoon nap on the couch!
When I woke up he was sitting on my shoulder, feathers all fluffed up and standing on one leg! LOL!! He looked at me with sleepy eyes as if to say "go back to sleep, Mommy" but it was time to start dinner so I had to get up and put him back in his cage.
He didn't want to go of course. He never wants to leave me anymore.
I am his "world" and he is mine!

{{HUGS}}
Jane ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/106-sammy-stress.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/89-new-year-new-hopes-dreams-reflections.html Sun, 06 Jan 2008 18:06:02 GMT *When I was cleaning out my daughter's room yesterday I was overcome by so many different emotions!
Going through a drawerfull of photos, I could almost put together a "timeline" of our life...From the cheerleading, basketball and various school-related functions that hubby and I were so involved in...to the ones of her and some girlfriends having parties and remembering how I never thought I would survive those "terrible teenager" years!

In sorting through her old diaries {she gave me permission to do this!} I came across an entry from where she and I had apparently come to blows! It was pretty hard to read and she was telling me how much she hated me right then and how nothing she did was ever "good enough" for me.

Without thinking I tore the page from her diary and threw it away!!
I did that because years after I had been married with a daughter of my own, I found a box with my old diaries in it and found a few similiar entries that I had made about my own Mother as a teenager...and it made me sad...very, very sad that I had ever felt that way about her!
I didn't want my own daughter to go through that someday when she is older and much wiser...Maybe not the smartest thing to do but I had the best of intentions!

*In other news...I saw in yesterdays paper that an aquaitance of mine was opening up his own Art Gallery in town and would only be showing his own work.

Being totally honest here, but that really made my heart sink!!
It seems everyone else has a "leg up" on me in that department...Of being able to make the right decissions to follow their dreams and it almost seems so "effortless" that they luck into it!

His works are mostly abstract...squiggles and shapes...and I must admit they do not appeal to me one bit...but he has "THE NAME" and I think people would buy his work just to have something signed by him.
{Not being "catty" there...just truthful!}

I hope I can follow through on my dreams this year and finally show some of my work...Maybe even sell a few?? That would be awesome!!

Well...Here's to new years and making old dreams come true! I'm definitely NOT getting any younger so this IS my year!!
{{HUGS}}
Jane ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/89-new-year-new-hopes-dreams-reflections.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/81-thoughts-today.html Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:28:00 GMT *I decided to start one of these after realising my posts were getting longer and longer and that I needed a place of my own to journal and scribble down some thoughts now and then! *I am not a... *I decided to start one of these after realising my posts were getting longer and longer and that I needed a place of my own to journal and scribble down some thoughts now and then!

*I am not a stranger to Blogging though, as I have had one for years that allows family and friends to check out my "exciting life" {LOL} and to update on what all is going on in it!

~Anyways...I recently made a huge ranting post on the Substance Abuse Forum about my Dad and our family situation.
I have only posted a few times in the past about this because as much as people care and want to offer their advice and support, no one really can understand what myself and my family have been going through now for years.

~We have tried so many things in the last 4-years but they always fail and end up leaving everyone stressed and feeling drained.
~I was doing a good job detaching myself from the situation when I saw that it was affecting my own life, but every now and then it creeps back up on me and I go into a ranting spell like yesterday!
~I need to remember my coping skills at times like this and focus on what is right for me because I cannot "fix" everyone else's problems...only my own.

*Sooo...That is my thought for today...well, one of many but I'll write more later!
{{HUGS}}
Jane ]]> Jane63 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/jane63/81-thoughts-today.html