http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Wed, 15 Feb 2012 22:32:28 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1043-positive-energy.html Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:21:00 GMT Right here. Right here. ]]> horsegyrl http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1043-positive-energy.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1023-pending2.html Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:44:20 GMT I have to write a blog or I will never get to answer my messages. So my blog is to say that I don't feel like I belong in my own skin, much less here. But now I've met people. Some are here to help, some need help and all are reaching out to make things better. It makes it hard to bring up my own issues at times, because I am compelled to help and I'm older than many and it seems like I should be supportive, not ask for support.
So I'll whine here to myself. I have been pretty much been able to rationalize staying drunk for 27 years as much as humanly and possible while at the same time working to make ends meet and raising two kids on my own. That means that I drink on my own time, after hours, late at night, too much at parties, maintainance dose when appropriate. I take care of things. I take care of my family. I take care of my horses, my cats, my grass, the messes, the dust, the bills, the birds, the fences, the dirt, the meals, the shopping, the oil changes, blah blah blah.
I do not take care of myself. It's exhausting to go every day starting with a hangover, counting the drinks in my head to see if maybe it wasn't too many this time. Trying to remember things done and said before falling to bed.
Now, I am trying to stop drinking. For myself. To save myself. To be there for my almost grown boy, my adult daughter. To feel better, to be able to remember and feel every moment. To leave the past behind.
And my back hurts and my skin crawls and my mouth is dry and I'm hungry but I feel ill and I'm not hungry and I feel ill why does my arm hurt oh I think my liver hurts. I cry, I laugh, I keep it to myself. And it's hard.
That's all. ]]> horsegyrl http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1023-pending2.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1022-pending.html Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:43:27 GMT Pending sobriety. Pending sobriety. ]]> horsegyrl http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/horsegyrl/1022-pending.html