http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:20:57 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2972-just-made-200-days.html Wed, 23 Dec 2009 02:14:13 GMT Today was my 200th day sober. Wow. Never thought I would get this far. I am working my 6th and 7th steps. Yes, I am kind of doing them together. Things have not been going so well lately. I... Today was my 200th day sober. Wow. Never thought I would get this far. I am working my 6th and 7th steps. Yes, I am kind of doing them together.

Things have not been going so well lately. I have felt like a drink quite a few times recently. Then I remember how its never just ONE drink and that is ultimately my problem.

My character defects are really getting in the way at the moment. I am kind of getting in the way.

Heres working on giving that up :) ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2972-just-made-200-days.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2705-picked-avatar.html Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:49:08 GMT Well, I just picked an avatar. I picked it because I do take myself ridiculously seriuosly and it is something I really need to work on in my recovery. I need to lighten up! This is difficult to... Well, I just picked an avatar. I picked it because I do take myself ridiculously seriuosly and it is something I really need to work on in my recovery. I need to lighten up! This is difficult to do when you are used to being serious all the time....there I go again! bing serious about not being serious....

bah! ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2705-picked-avatar.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2067-day-10-bad-news.html Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:26:38 GMT So, I survived yesterday. I honestly didn't think I would at a couple of moments, but I did.

I didn't get the news I was hoping to get today. Someone who calls herself my friend went and threw a couple of very gossipy spanners in the works and now the process has been retarded due to this, so I will not be going home, as I had hoped.

I am telling myself that this is my Higher Power's will and I will go wherever He sends me and try and make the most of it. I am very disappointed though. Still, I have a job to go to, and next week we are moving to Chile. I am going to try and be enthusiastic about this. And just for today I am gong to try not to drink. ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2067-day-10-bad-news.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2063-day-9.html Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:45:16 GMT Ok, here I am on day 9. Today is exceedingly difficult for me. I do not have to work today, the sun is shining and I want a drink. There is a possiblity of receiving some very good news tomorrow,... Ok, here I am on day 9. Today is exceedingly difficult for me. I do not have to work today, the sun is shining and I want a drink. There is a possiblity of receiving some very good news tomorrow, but I have to wait until then to find out. I am completely distracted. Cannot sit still and concentrate on anything. The addict in me keeps telling me how much a drink would help and quieten me down. It has been 9 days, maybe I am over it?

But no, I am an alcoholic and a recovered drug addict. I will always be an alcoholic. And I must not drink. Just for today.

Instead I am sticking to this site and reading as much as possible. Let me just make it to day 10 and then see how tomorrow goes. Perhaps I will get my good news, perhaps I won't If I don't, all is not lost. I must focus on that. Everything is in my HP's hands, the only thing I need to worry about is keeping my self sober so that I can deal with whatever I am handed. Man, this is hard. :praying ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2063-day-9.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2055-day-7.html Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:31:53 GMT Well, here I am. Have made it to day 7. I am busy working through the steps, never thought I would, but somehow reading on this site has brought me to it, or it seems my HP has brought me to it. I... Well, here I am. Have made it to day 7. I am busy working through the steps, never thought I would, but somehow reading on this site has brought me to it, or it seems my HP has brought me to it. I am on step 4. I have also been up since 4. I have been reading and reading and thinking. I haven't actually begun writing the step down yet, but have put a lot of thought into it and have come up with some startling revelations. I am in two minds whether to actually do it today. Part of me is very enthusiastic and wants to jump right in and get on with it, the other part wants to analyse more and read more before I begin. I think somehow that the whole idea is actually to analyse afterwards and not before, so perhaps I have got the whole thing ar$e about face, which would not be unsual for me.

Another interesting thing I read in the wee hours of the morning was an article on PAW. It reminded me of the last time I tried to quit. I was on about day 10 and I was talking to the financial manager at work and we were discussing some pretty important numbers and stuff, and suddenly I had no idea what we were talking about. I completely lost the thread of the conversation. I tried to maintain and not show it and sort of hung on for dear life. Then I had to do some fairly simple caclulations and I just couldn't, I had to write them down. I remember him looking at me strangely, and I kept thinking "why can I not do this, I have not had a drink in a week and a half, I should be functioning better and suddenly I feel like I just smoked a bong...". I relapsed shortly ater that. But it makes sense now, and I feel better equipped after reading the article I will know if it happens again, which I guess it will.

Anyway, it is still very early, my little one hasn't even woken up yet, so I do not know what will happen today. Perhaps I will do 4 or perhaps I will think some more. Later ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2055-day-7.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2042-first-blog-post.html Thu, 02 Apr 2009 17:34:35 GMT Well this is my first blog post nd I am on day 3. Yesterday I got terrible news. I lost my job a couple of weeks ago, luckily got another one, but we have to move to another country. I am not... Well this is my first blog post nd I am on day 3. Yesterday I got terrible news. I lost my job a couple of weeks ago, luckily got another one, but we have to move to another country. I am not getting paid out anything and I have to cover most of these expenses so money is really tight. Yesterday I found out there was a clause in my apartment contract and I have to pay all sorts of monies to the landlady for breaking contract. I was utterly devastated. My mind felt like a rat in a cage scurrying and scrambling about to think of ways we are going to make ends meet and pay for everything we have to. I prayed, I cried. I cried some more. I went for a walk with my son. But I didnt drink. I guess that is a good thing. I keep telling myself I feel so much better today than I would have if I had gotten wasted again last night. The problems are still there, but I think today I am beter equipped to deal with them. I think.

I will be honest, it is 11h30 in the morning, and I wish I had some booze to tuck into. Even a beer would do. I dont even like beer. But I am not going to do it. I am going to hang around in the chat rooms instead and read more blogs on this site. Reading everyone elses experiences keeps on reminding me that I CANNOT drink. I can never have just one drink like other people. I will drink until I have blackouts and wake up still drunk and ashamed and broken. You cannot keep on breaking yourself up like that. Maybe one day I wont have any pieces left to put back together. It has to end now. ]]> Helene http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/helene/2042-first-blog-post.html