Day 7

Well, here I am. Have made it to day 7. I am busy working through the steps, never thought I would, but somehow reading on this site has brought me to it, or it seems my HP has brought me to it. I am on step 4. I have also been up since 4. I have been reading and reading and thinking. I haven't actually begun writing the step down yet, but have put a lot of thought into it and have come up with some startling revelations. I am in two minds whether to actually do it today. Part of me is very enthusiastic and wants to jump right in and get on with it, the other part wants to analyse more and read more before I begin. I think somehow that the whole idea is actually to analyse afterwards and not before, so perhaps I have got the whole thing ar$e about face, which would not be unsual for me.

Another interesting thing I read in the wee hours of the morning was an article on PAW. It reminded me of the last time I tried to quit. I was on about day 10 and I was talking to the financial manager at work and we were discussing some pretty important numbers and stuff, and suddenly I had no idea what we were talking about. I completely lost the thread of the conversation. I tried to maintain and not show it and sort of hung on for dear life. Then I had to do some fairly simple caclulations and I just couldn't, I had to write them down. I remember him looking at me strangely, and I kept thinking "why can I not do this, I have not had a drink in a week and a half, I should be functioning better and suddenly I feel like I just smoked a bong...". I relapsed shortly ater that. But it makes sense now, and I feel better equipped after reading the article I will know if it happens again, which I guess it will.

Anyway, it is still very early, my little one hasn't even woken up yet, so I do not know what will happen today. Perhaps I will do 4 or perhaps I will think some more. Later