First Blog Post

Well this is my first blog post nd I am on day 3. Yesterday I got terrible news. I lost my job a couple of weeks ago, luckily got another one, but we have to move to another country. I am not getting paid out anything and I have to cover most of these expenses so money is really tight. Yesterday I found out there was a clause in my apartment contract and I have to pay all sorts of monies to the landlady for breaking contract. I was utterly devastated. My mind felt like a rat in a cage scurrying and scrambling about to think of ways we are going to make ends meet and pay for everything we have to. I prayed, I cried. I cried some more. I went for a walk with my son. But I didnt drink. I guess that is a good thing. I keep telling myself I feel so much better today than I would have if I had gotten wasted again last night. The problems are still there, but I think today I am beter equipped to deal with them. I think.

I will be honest, it is 11h30 in the morning, and I wish I had some booze to tuck into. Even a beer would do. I dont even like beer. But I am not going to do it. I am going to hang around in the chat rooms instead and read more blogs on this site. Reading everyone elses experiences keeps on reminding me that I CANNOT drink. I can never have just one drink like other people. I will drink until I have blackouts and wake up still drunk and ashamed and broken. You cannot keep on breaking yourself up like that. Maybe one day I wont have any pieces left to put back together. It has to end now.