I have slipped a cog in my sanity, bummer. I snap back and forth like a flag in a strong wind between content and panic. Today, at this moment, I just don't know. Wtf am I doing? Who the fvck am I. And because I don't know, I want to glom on to someone who does, latch on to some artificial identity. AA is the way I have been leaning, but oh what a taste it leaves in my mouth. "lost? hopeless? confused? Come through our doors, work our steps, let us work on you and we will provide you with all...

no raft

pushed along by a mighty river for so long.
in the beginning a gentler, kinder current
freeing, medicating
the banks in sight, no need or desire to stop
deceptive
as time goes on
sharp rocks unavoided

white water, a struggle to keep afloat
pulled under, tossed, no air to breath
no idea which way the surface lie, only darkness and confusion

eyes closed from fear of what was around the next...

july 30
Whether it is a result of age, brain damage, time, or a survival mechanism I am not sure. I do know that some of my memories have gone from being recollections of the actual events, to being flavors/feelings in my heart

The end of July, 1999 I died as sure as if my heart stopped. When I died, rather than seeing a white light, I sank to the bottom of a dark abyss. Because it was an abyss of the soul, it was infinitely dark, and infinitely deep. It was heavy, with a weight...

I was editing some photos of my old life. I did not realize the harm they were doing. I feel asleep and had the most heinous dreams. I have lost so much because of that night. because of drinking yes, in that because of my actions I have quit drinking to avoid letting the beast within out. But make no mistake: I have lost many friends and a huge part of my life because I QUIT drinking. Some will say they were not true friends, but these pictures show otherwise. I was happy. We were all happy. I...