Identity theif
Posted 10-27-2009 at 05:53 PM by Gypsy Feet
I have slipped a cog in my sanity, bummer. I snap back and forth like a flag in a strong wind between content and panic. Today, at this moment, I just don't know. Wtf am I doing? Who the fvck am I. And because I don't know, I want to glom on to someone who does, latch on to some artificial identity. AA is the way I have been leaning, but oh what a taste it leaves in my mouth. "lost? hopeless? confused? Come through our doors, work our steps, let us work on you and we will provide you with all that is missing"
That is the promise. I can walk in the door, just another newcomer, filled with self will, and I can be transformed into someone with no self will.
Does that scare anyone else out there? Does the fact that almost ever stepper I meet believes the same god damn thing, in the same narrow fvcking channel, and that everything on earth can be explained by some book/program written eons ago by a lousy drunkard?
Maybe the buddhists will have me. I am sure I can get back in to the scientology fold, I have already done my tr drills, thanks valley apple school.
Maybe I can just go to a dr and medicate all of this away, and not care who I am or what the fvck I am doing anymore. If the doctor prescribes it, I'm not an addict right? and anyway, I never came here to be perfect, I just don't want to eat any more dog sh!t on dares.
If this was really all brought on by a good screw, I should REALLY consider celibacy as a way of life
The stupid part is, everything is really kind of great and I am fine, really I am
That is the promise. I can walk in the door, just another newcomer, filled with self will, and I can be transformed into someone with no self will.
Does that scare anyone else out there? Does the fact that almost ever stepper I meet believes the same god damn thing, in the same narrow fvcking channel, and that everything on earth can be explained by some book/program written eons ago by a lousy drunkard?
Maybe the buddhists will have me. I am sure I can get back in to the scientology fold, I have already done my tr drills, thanks valley apple school.
Maybe I can just go to a dr and medicate all of this away, and not care who I am or what the fvck I am doing anymore. If the doctor prescribes it, I'm not an addict right? and anyway, I never came here to be perfect, I just don't want to eat any more dog sh!t on dares.
If this was really all brought on by a good screw, I should REALLY consider celibacy as a way of life
The stupid part is, everything is really kind of great and I am fine, really I am
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