I think addiction, to a substance or to reacting to an addict, ultimately is an obsession with seeking a solution (be it happiness, serentiiy, ect.) outside that best (or only) comes from the inside. The key difference with normal folks is the obsession, how I repeat the pursuit in the face of repeated repeated repeated failure (not just disappointment, but crushing defeat).
A lot of what I learn in Alanon is about looking for answers and pathways by at least looking a little bit within,...

>> What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
My Hp is a spiritual guiding presence of the universe that speaks through the collective wisdom of others, mostly my alanon group, and coincidence. The latter part has an element of magic to it, but I am ok with that. My HP cares for me. My HP has a plan for me, and life would go better if I just aligned my self with that will. My HP is always trying to talk to me in some way, but I am often to much in my head to hear. My obsession...

>> Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
I can’t control anyone’s drinking. That was pretty obvious. If they want to drink go ahead. I knew well that I could not stop my parents’ drinking. I never did the ‘pour it down the drain’ thing. I just really wished that the drunkeness was less humiliating to watch. I definately couldn't control my dad's bitter anger at his family, how much he preferred his drunken pals, or my mother's withdrawal...

I am having another painful evening of trying to get work done. On a alanon twitter posting I saw this repeated and asserted by several people: Change happens when the pain of holding on is greater than the fear of letting go. What I think is happening is that I really enjoy the pain, and maybe the fear to. This may be 'addiction to misery' as described by
Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. (of Potatoes not Prozac) The following quote comes from the Alanon Family Group on the activeboard forum....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2174594
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