(this was copied from my post in Families & Friends of A's)

In a post for the Step 2 thread (in F&F of A's), I said I was a bit p***** off at HP for, well, just being a HP. I 'came to believe' that there was a power greater than myself and I didn't like it. It wasn't a thought process- it was just my reaction.
The resentment has gone away, mostly. Now today I can see a thing that I must give up, a thing that I felt, as in semi-subconscious id/ego stuff, made me feel...

Through a variety of excuses and some procrastination, I missed 2 al-anon meetings last week.
When I got to last night's meeting, they said they missed me. Me? Missed?
And these are people against whom I still harbor little expectations, resentments, and fear (same as with the rest of the world). I am often late and often 'space out' in meetings because of my long term habit of making little passive agressive acts against, well, everyone who might have a judgment about me (which...

Why do am I so averse to situations where people can judge me? I don't fear tests - those are just pieces of paper. No, I fear 'them' - all those people I can interact with who might or could judge me because what I do impacts them somehow. This is a learned response - don't do anything that can be evaluated by the alcoholic parent. Or, don't do anything that might give the world a yardstick to measure what is going on at home.

I watched a dog and its owner today while getting coffee....

I found a really great blog by an ACOA at Ramblings of an ACOA: Adult Children of Alcoholics Learn How to Overcome the Characteristics of ACOAs and Develop Healthy Relationships. The blogger hits on many issues that I am familiar with.
This was a good quote:
...

First Blog entry ever! Here it goes. I suspect this will be lots of whining and self-centered navel gazing, but it may also help to tell the world, or a passing friend, what is going on. Comments are invited but not necessary - I assume that the HP is reading it all.

At an alanon meeting last night I wondered why my mind drifted so easily away from the conversation and off to thinking about stuff, any stuff, anything at all but what was going on in front of me. This happens to me...