Looking for Love, or anything, in all the Wrong Places
I think addiction, to a substance or to reacting to an addict, ultimately is an obsession with seeking a solution (be it happiness, serentiiy, ect.) outside that best (or only) comes from the inside. The key difference with normal folks is the obsession, how I repeat the pursuit in the face of repeated repeated repeated failure (not just disappointment, but crushing defeat).
A lot of what I learn in Alanon is about looking for answers and pathways by at least looking a little bit within, by looking for some little bit of internal guidance. The guidance could be a HP or just a personal belief about what is proper, moral, ethical, cool, ect.
Maybe I have to stop looking for THE answer and just be happy with the little clues. I like using hiking as a metaphor, and I have to realize that the path is often foggy and vague. Although we do sometimes see a clear trail marker, most of the time we are trusting in ourselves and our HP. Yeah, and sometimes we have to just keep moving, wait for better light, or hope for a rescue.
What are some of my internal clues? I am not asking for guiding lights or burning bushes, just little trustworthy markers and the faith to keep walking when I can't find one.
Consistently, even in the face of my very intimidating and occasionally viciously cruel father and with local bullies, I defend nature. I hated to see other kids hurting frogs or damaging a tree, and did make my thoughts clear. Ultimately those frogs die and trees die, and my actions may mean little in the big picture, but that is just the way I am.
And I really really like the Big Book and the 12&12, though I am not alcoholic. Something about them is just damn straight right.
Maybe I just did Step 3!
A lot of what I learn in Alanon is about looking for answers and pathways by at least looking a little bit within, by looking for some little bit of internal guidance. The guidance could be a HP or just a personal belief about what is proper, moral, ethical, cool, ect.
Maybe I have to stop looking for THE answer and just be happy with the little clues. I like using hiking as a metaphor, and I have to realize that the path is often foggy and vague. Although we do sometimes see a clear trail marker, most of the time we are trusting in ourselves and our HP. Yeah, and sometimes we have to just keep moving, wait for better light, or hope for a rescue.
What are some of my internal clues? I am not asking for guiding lights or burning bushes, just little trustworthy markers and the faith to keep walking when I can't find one.
Consistently, even in the face of my very intimidating and occasionally viciously cruel father and with local bullies, I defend nature. I hated to see other kids hurting frogs or damaging a tree, and did make my thoughts clear. Ultimately those frogs die and trees die, and my actions may mean little in the big picture, but that is just the way I am.
And I really really like the Big Book and the 12&12, though I am not alcoholic. Something about them is just damn straight right.
Maybe I just did Step 3!
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