Ok, I get it now
All that fear I talked about in the last post is still around.
Its like - I uncovered the truth, I know where the fear comes from, and now that fear is running around loose like a vampire let out of his coffin.
And all that analyzing was an attempt cure myself. You have no idea how often and how many times I have ruminated over this.
Yes, I figured it out and it is out of control. I am paralyzed with fear now.
And yes, I get it, about what it means to hand over 'our will and our lives' and to 'realize that only a power greater than ourselves can restore us.'
I even try to control God - thinking I can invoke a HP to change me with bracelets, pictures, rings and other Things. To Believe there is a HP is to say HP is there always, 24/7, everlasting and always - not something I conjure like a genie. This is faith, blind faith, blind and deaf faith, not reason, or rationalization. I have got to believe.
I am just gonna pray. I am just gonna pray over and over, 'our father' and 'Serenity'.
I am not praying to get rid of the fear. I pray to that God will remove from me 1) self-centered thinking (which includes fear), 2) the mental obsession that I can control the self-centered fear, and 3) the desire to control God and other individuals (where I imagine the fear is coming from).
Damn, I am tired of this fear.
I get it. Got Fear? Get praying. For everyone who is trying to recover.
Good Shepard, this scared sheep is all yours.
Its like - I uncovered the truth, I know where the fear comes from, and now that fear is running around loose like a vampire let out of his coffin.
And all that analyzing was an attempt cure myself. You have no idea how often and how many times I have ruminated over this.
Yes, I figured it out and it is out of control. I am paralyzed with fear now.
And yes, I get it, about what it means to hand over 'our will and our lives' and to 'realize that only a power greater than ourselves can restore us.'
I even try to control God - thinking I can invoke a HP to change me with bracelets, pictures, rings and other Things. To Believe there is a HP is to say HP is there always, 24/7, everlasting and always - not something I conjure like a genie. This is faith, blind faith, blind and deaf faith, not reason, or rationalization. I have got to believe.
I am just gonna pray. I am just gonna pray over and over, 'our father' and 'Serenity'.
I am not praying to get rid of the fear. I pray to that God will remove from me 1) self-centered thinking (which includes fear), 2) the mental obsession that I can control the self-centered fear, and 3) the desire to control God and other individuals (where I imagine the fear is coming from).
Damn, I am tired of this fear.
I get it. Got Fear? Get praying. For everyone who is trying to recover.
Good Shepard, this scared sheep is all yours.
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