Blog Honestly

I'm glad that I have joined this forum because I can blog honestly about what is going on in my life. I am on facebook, bebo etc but I don't trust people on there. Even my closest friends I think they sometimes will see what is going on in my life as gossip. I just really wanted somewhere that I could be honest and speak about what is happening in my day.

I am on nightshift at the moment so feeling a bit all over the place. I didn't manage to get to a meeting tonight because I was so tired when I woke up and had a twelve hour nightshift ahead of me. I got here though feeling so flat because I hadn't gone so I want to make sure that I get to one tomorrow night. Even if it means getting up really early I know that it keeps me spiritually well.

There is someone in my group as well that I am finding really overbearing and keep praying about it. I don't really know what to do. She is a lot older than me. I'm gay and she mentions it all the time. Says that I am "gagging" for her! I find it so embarrasing especially in front of my sponsor. I just hope and pray that something will happen to make things ok. I worry that I will be seen as a predator in the womens group! I can't really hide my sexuality. I look gay but I don't like it being mentioned all the time. I don't want to be known as the lesbian!

I just hope and pray that it will be ok.

An old friend has also recently got in touch with me and wants to speak about things that have happened in the past. I'm not on my making amends step yet though. I have emailed her and asked her to wait and I should have left it at that. But then I emailed her trying to explain my actions. Now I don't know whether she has even read it or not and it is driving me a bit mental! It wont drive me to drink though. I just have to cope with what happens. I hate myself for what I did but I hope that in time and a day at a time I will learn to forgive myself.