Can I just say again that I ADORE the anonymity of this blog and that without I would never post one?? I have a Myspace page. Do I ever post blogs? Well, occasionally, actually. Rarely, though! Why?? 'Cause people judge you by that stuff! Y'all don't know me, and probably never will, so why hold back? It completely rules!!!

So, as it turns out, I SPOKE TOO SOON about my career in music. Not that I'm not totally capable of a career in music - 'cause I am. It's more like my band member...

The midpoint.

Though I shouldn't think of my twenties as the middle of my life ... I do. I can't see myself living into my sixties. If I did, it would be so rad I might have a heart attack from sheer surprise and excitement. So, it wouldn't last for long.

I feel like I am at the midpoint of my life - getting ready to cross over into PERMANENT territory.

Here's an evaluation of my life thus far:

- Very real probability that I will have a...

... even though they're right here. I miss them alot.

I hung out with my friends' family tonight and we all sat around singing. Even though they're a family of active alcoholics, I wish I could do that with my family - just sit around, playing the piano and the guitar and singing.

I'm going to ask my parents if they would do that with me. I miss my parents. Even though they're right here, I feel like they're very far away.

Tomorrow's Easter. What better...

when i felt that first rush, it was like the high you get while sleeping with someone you adore and trust. only better, because it could never leave you or betray you - i thought then, at least.

but that's not true. drugs are just things - they cannot lie and betray. but I I I I lied and betrayed OTHERS and myself - and still do. i have to face how bad it is, because otherwise i might not ever get better.

there are so many rationalizations.

"well,...

somewhere along the way, my mind equated "high" with "happy."

maybe this was a misconception from the beginning ... by watching too many stoner movies with friends and secretly envying the cool, hot guy in class who always seemed to wanted, smiling all the time.

but this is something i found on a post-it note that i wrote while i was high.

"image is a mirage
we're all deserted by our superficial childhood
dreams...