http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:04:39 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1598-happy-holidays.html Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:53:52 GMT hello to all my family friends on SR . I cant do much on this old pc of my moms , but its better then nuttin , but i do miss getting into chat . I just wanted to wish everyone a wondeful holiday and... hello to all my family friends on SR . I cant do much on this old pc of my moms , but its better then nuttin , but i do miss getting into chat . I just wanted to wish everyone a wondeful holiday and happy New Yr . Its cold here and well thats normal were in the hills of South Dakota and the temps have reached -30 at one point . woke this morning to find our pipes were frozen " joy" but were workin on it to restore the water . if all else fails we boil snow ....lol . Were heading to Deadwood SD on the 1st and I get to make my home group meeting which has been entirly to long for me . I so cant wait i have so much to share. and so much to be greatful for . what a way to start the new yr off with then the first day of the new yr and AA and perk is its birthday meeting .. Im so excited . were staying in a hotel and we will be heading home the next morning back to North Dakota ( weather permitting ) but from the looks of it , its sposed to be nice so shouldnt be a problem , Anyways I just wanted to say Hi to everyone and I miss each and everyone of you ! and look forward to getting home and getting in chat and catching up with you all .. till then peace and serenity to you all :Xmaspstar ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1598-happy-holidays.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1445-my-dear-friend-putter.html Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:13:01 GMT how sad such a dear friend has passed , His sweet purrs and lazyness cost him his life , His name is " Putter" , aka Chevy .. but I called him putter cuz he was always purring in the presence of anyone he came near . He was a barn cat and i was much attached to his sweet desires of attention , sadly tho this desire cost him his life , He didnt move out from under the truck and was killed instantly . Wasnt uncommen for my inlaws while driving the tractor or equipment to stop and shoo him away , he would just sit there call it lazy or just wanting someone to pick him up and hold him . I was one of them suckers i was always carrying him around when we would go to the farm , while painting he was under my feet , or shoveling oats , didnt matter putter was always there . Im gonna miss my dae farm friend feline .. you will always have a place in my heart .. ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1445-my-dear-friend-putter.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1439-letter-myself.html Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:51:56 GMT Sometimes its something we do and talkin to myself right now just seems the thing to do , SO .. what is going on in your mind girl what makes you so sad and misserable what seems most of the time ,... Sometimes its something we do and talkin to myself right now just seems the thing to do , SO .. what is going on in your mind girl what makes you so sad and misserable what seems most of the time , your always so daown , you put up a good front for outsides but inside your screaming in pain , dont you know what it is , cant you talk bout it . Whats makes you snap in a blink of a second ,you cant control things , some things are not for you to control and just need to be the way they are , but then theres things that you can control whats going on inside that lil head of yours , all the voices yelling one side or the other keepng you awake at nite , this isnt good for you , ya gotta know that dont you ? what is it you seek ? all the things that have happend in the past are the past you need to let some of them rest , i know its not easy you cant undo whats been done and you have to stop letting it eat at your soul , I know you miss your daughter and who wouldnt , it wasnt your fault none of this crap in your past is your fault . things happen for a reason . Youve been thinkin to much , to much free time on your hands isnt good , you know theres help out there for all the things that have happened in your life itstime to get help for them things and let this snap rest and do way with it . I hear your thoughts , trust me they dont shut up , they chatter on like you on a good day , your always wanting to talk when your happy but when your down like now you just sit and mope and take things out on innocent ones you love , not meaning to sound so negitive it just comes out that way . and them more havic comes it . I dont know what to tell you girl but you sure need to snap outta this twisted pile of rumble your buried under and breath in the fresh air for a change , dont let this take you to where your going with is another bout of major dperession , i just thought reading this would trigger that pea size brain in your head and do something bout what ever it is that has you so low ... ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1439-letter-myself.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1374-day-early.html Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:18:05 GMT Well tomarrow is ( was ) used to be a reallllyy big deal for me its my birthday . 46 candles an a call to the fire department . anyways .. It used to be one the the biggest nites for drinkin and... Well tomarrow is ( was ) used to be a reallllyy big deal for me its my birthday . 46 candles an a call to the fire department . anyways .. It used to be one the the biggest nites for drinkin and tie'en on one . my 40th I dont even remember . last thing i do remember was being carried outta the truck by my bro and my then boyfriend , I guess I was even in a strip club and they bought me a lap dance , no clue dont remember a thing ... Was a black out nite. which i dont have many of but on b-days it was a big time excuse to drink till my hearts content . Used to have a big party at the bars for my b-days all my so called friends then showed up , heck its just a good of an excuse for others to drink when its anothers specail day . There was a few bd's i do recall and had a great time . tho of corse I was drunk what drunk dont have a good time till the next day wakin up with the shakes and the dry heaves . ooh ya real fun . But now its so completly differant theres no big party , theres definatly no drinking , and theres so many gifts bestowed to me that dont come with wrapping and a card . It just comes from my soul , and from others places we cant always explain , just know its there and except it with graditude and humility . I owe so much to so many for being where i am this day b4 my 46th . cant even begin to say thanks . and thanks seems like such a small word for such a big feeling . I know that just cuz its my bday i dont gotta drink to celebrate , I celebrate life each day , its no differant then anyother . tho im adding a digit to my age is all . But the best gift of all is the ability to be here on this planet , sober and with much serentiy and peace for the simple things . such as the nice choclate cake ive got bakin in the oven ( yes makin my own cake ) its lil things like that i so took for granted when i was drinkin . I just wanted to say thanks to all those who have helped me thu my life of soberity and look forward to many more one day at a time's .Peace and Serenity to all of you . Mrs O:bday8 ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1374-day-early.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1349-mr-captain-morgan-my-old-friend.html Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:20:35 GMT Good morning all , thought id share a lil experience i had yesterday at work , As some of you mite know I clean motel rooms part time . Well its hunting season and sometimes they will leave tips ,... Good morning all , thought id share a lil experience i had yesterday at work , As some of you mite know I clean motel rooms part time . Well its hunting season and sometimes they will leave tips , sometimes they leave beer/booze .
Well I was left a bottle of my old friend Mr Captain Morgan .100 proof .. oooh how he and i were were good friends , not even sure to this day its was cuz the drunk or cuz the taste , cuz it sure tasted good , cant even drink vanilla coke cuz of it , reminds me of that taste . Well any ways . you get to keep whats left in the rooms , and it was my room and i was all alone on the floor doing um , When i was done i pushed my cart into the maids room and was filling things up like im sposed to , there sat that bottle . and of all things i had a bottle of diet coke on my cart . you would think after 5 yrs of soberity that thinkin would just go away , but the fact is it dont .. it never will. But i looked at that bottle opened it up to smell that sweet aroma . said to myself yep thats the real thing . I could stand up here and pour some in my bottle of coke and no one would know no one would really care , aweee but lies I would care so would everyone else in my world . I wouldnt have to tell a soul ! But i would know and I cant do that to myself or my loved ones . mostly to myself . I wouldnt drink it . but its just funny how them feeling come creeping at you outta no wheres , nuttin was going wrong in my day was a perfectly normal good day . goes to show some dont need a reason to drink just wanna . but again i didnt drink , yesterday or today . but theres always tomarrow . but for today i choose soberity and im so greatful to my soberity and the knowledge that everyone shares in these rooms. Never become complacement . it never does go away . just lays dorment waiting for a trigger . Just wanted to share what happend at work , Hopeful you all are having a rockin sober day , like me ! :Dance7: ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1349-mr-captain-morgan-my-old-friend.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1308-greatfulness.html Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:27:14 GMT well today at work , its was quiet interesting , I clean rooms for a small town inn 30 rooms , mostly people that work in the summer doing road construction and construction anyways . Today I go... well today at work , its was quiet interesting , I clean rooms for a small town inn 30 rooms , mostly people that work in the summer doing road construction and construction anyways . Today I go into one room and the smell bout gagged us , here they ppl that stayed there had one or two , too many and lost there selfs , that room wasnt to bad , they didnt make that bad of a ,mess tho a carpet cleaner is being called and charged to the owner of the company for his staffs doings . It was the other one that would cure most toes ( if your have a weak tummy dont read anymores ) the guy and the mgr came up to say he had gotten sick and mite wanna toss out the towels , figuring he just used them instead of the tolet or trash .. lets just say i learned today if they say this there going in the room with me ! but we said ok didnt think it was that bad .well IT WAS BAD ! who said choclate and booze mix . apparently he will never say that again .. it was choclate all over the floors the walls in the entire bathroom ! I almost lost it myself getting the particals of nuts n such off the floor but gained my guts and went thu with doing what had to be done . I get what for doing this i asked myself . this was something i never experienced even in my drunkest of days but sure gave me a graditude to being sober and not ever doing something so gross in my life. The towels were ruined they went streight into the trash ! and had to scrub the walls . If anything i sure learned not to eat choclate while drinkin . ( lol ) ... Had i been drinkin and doing this job i think it could of been traggic . But i got er done and next time someone says they lost it in a room there comming with and handing them the rags and mops to clean up there own actions maybe teach um a lesson on why they shouldnt drink if they cant handle it like an adult , again have never seen nunttin like that and thank you to my program for today i wont at least be someone like that , that i surely could of been if i didnt get witha program and get help .... im sure greatful ! :jail ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1308-greatfulness.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1222-what-nite.html Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:54:31 GMT :Val004:I wanted to share something really special , as some may know last monday was my 5 yr soberity B-day , I was sposed to attend a meeting but due to some things the small meeting was delayed... :Val004:I wanted to share something really special , as some may know last monday was my 5 yr soberity B-day , I was sposed to attend a meeting but due to some things the small meeting was delayed till tonite to celebrate my special day which wasnt any problem .
So today I went with my sponceree to the citys and did some girl friend bonding and sharing of our soberity , shes currently at 38 days and im veryyyyy proud of her , But she hadnt been back to our local meeting since her last time there while she was using ( didnt know at the time ) so hadnt faced the table since then , But she mentioned today that she was ready to face it and i was pleased as it was my celebration nite and I wanted her to join and understood if she didnt , But as the meeting went on and such I was told that she had something for me . She gave me my 5 yr coin. OMG this ment the world to me for my best friend whos come so far and to be joining me on this day and well you get the idea , To someone not in the program of recovery its hard to understand when im commin from but this was one of the best gifts ive ever gotten in my soberity . there was a reason she showed today and she or i had no idea this was to be giving to me , Coins are the thing most big clubs do ours is only 4-5 . so i wasnt expecting this at all and it made it even more special . we hold our meeting in the church and the Paster whos only been there for 4 months now was invited to our meeting to get a understanding AA hes new . Only a yr under graduate and 4 months and wasnt fimiular with AA and how things work , having him there incase he has someone who needs our assistence and program can help that person . But at first i was a lil uncomfortable with him being there . just getting to know my HP myself just was surprised at his presence there . But he was a really nice guy , young and had interestend in how and what makes us who we are , In the end i was glad he was there .Might even go listen to his sermon SO this was a wonderful wonderful day Im soooo greatful and glad i was there tonite and Cindy being there made it even more special. I just wanted to share what i was feeling and i dont even thing my emotions are possible to put into words right now ..... just am sooooooo glad i made the choice to be sober and what a wonderful thing it is .. Thanks for being here .. Mrs O ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1222-what-nite.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1198-greatfulness-soberity.html Sat, 06 Sep 2008 16:13:55 GMT hi all . some that know me on SR know that I recently got married (8-30) . Im so greatful to my soberity which on 9-8-08 will be 5 yrs! Its all due to being Sober .. i owe my new wondeful life to AA... hi all . some that know me on SR know that I recently got married (8-30) . Im so greatful to my soberity which on 9-8-08 will be 5 yrs! Its all due to being Sober .. i owe my new wondeful life to AA my HP and my family for being there an supporting me . I dont know where I would be . But today im sober and very humble and greatful . I have what I never thought was possible a loveing careing husband.When i look back on my not so happy life I think dang if i only knew then what i know now I would of done this years ago ! Sure it was hard at times but things did get better , and still to this day continue to get better even tho Im perfectly happy the way it is now . But the gifts of happiness still continue as long as i do my share . heck even if they didnt i'd still do my share. I love helping those who struggle and try my best to explain " it really is worth it and it does get better". Theres so many here that can confirm what Im saying on that .. I just wanted to say thanks to those in here for being here and im so greatful its here and greatful to have " real " love in my life of my HP and family and friends that truly care and understand us .. peace be with you all on this day Mrs O:ghug ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1198-greatfulness-soberity.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1004-how-badly-do-you-want.html Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:05:31 GMT how badly does one want soberity i asked my sponceree, seems she wants it bad as she says , but then fails to find time to do what needs to be done , sleeping most the day and complains shes tired .... how badly does one want soberity i asked my sponceree, seems she wants it bad as she says , but then fails to find time to do what needs to be done , sleeping most the day and complains shes tired . I told her shes substuting booze for sleep , sleeping away the issues which caused her to drink in the first place . Hes fiance keeps dredging up the past . she's trying to let it go and move forward. but constantly reminded on a daily basis. He wont give it up . Were sposed to attend a meeting tonight but she wasnt feeling up to it , and thats when i asked her how badly she wants soberity , her reply was Badly ! I told her then get up off your a** and get here into town and lets hit that meeting ...I have a funny feeling ill be going solo.Its irritates me that shes not going , But i dont know what else there is that I can do or say. I know you gotta want it , and she does , but im not sure she wants it bad enuff to do what she has to do . she hasnt even really attempted to read much of the big book a few pages is all shes gottin in so far. My reply was to that " MAKE TIME " like you did to drink . I just wanted to vent lil bit and see if anyone has anything that i can more then im already doing .. Peace be with you all Zoner ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/1004-how-badly-do-you-want.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/983-remembering-saras-smile.html Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:44:33 GMT Good afternoon world , its another wonderful windy day . life in the plain states for you , Any ways i thougt bout shareing something bout my life . I aquired 2 dwi's in a span of less then a yrs time , and i knew that life wasnt workin the way i was doing things , when i got the first dwi , I thought it was a sign to slow way down and I did that . But still visited my old stomping grounds didnt have much in the $ department had one beer was able to afford, and a friend got me a shot of jag , and i left shorty after that . well that was all it took and 20 minutes later found myself being pulled over 2 blocks from home by the same officer who had got me the first time 6 months earlier. talk bout funny in a odd sence . Wasnt tho of corse . But then relized this was my last chance being 2 in such a short span only ment i was destoned to get a 3rd i knew i wood if i didnt do something bout it . So I got help OP and AA. During my first 2 months of soberity I found out that I was pregnant , and not just a month or 2 I was 6 months pregers, This was a big time shock , Because I had been told due to medical jombo I couldnt conceive a child and have lives my life with out ever worrying of having a child , meaning never had birth control of any sorts and was married for 0ver 15 yrs and never had a child , so I beleived it was my fate not to bare a child hard to accept yes , but i had come to terms with such . SO when I found out I was pregnant 6 months talk bout a shocker , I was so excited I couldnt beleive that I was givin a 2nd chance at being something to someone a Mom at that . And I was sober , was concerned that I had drank while pregnant but I hoped for the best that she would be born with no problems . I worked my progam did the steps and did everthing I needed to do to stay pregnant and keep both of us heathly . March 13th 2004 ( her due date ) all on her own my lil dear baby Sara Nichole came to this world happy heathly and so beautiful , I swore she wasnt mine she was so beautiful not just predjust cuz she was mine but you know how some babys aint all cute there just cute cuz there infants but really quiet ugly , Sara had big blue eyes and blond hair, petite as she was she was perfect and healthy. so many reasons to be greatful to my higher power for blessing me with something so special . Then traggidy. at the age of bearly 4 days old life as we see it was takin from her lil body an she passed on. words cant possibly explain how I felt and the questions asked of why , why me why now , what had I done so horrible that god was willing to take something like that from me after giving me this gitf in the first place , I was mad.. I cant say i was mad at anyone or anything I was just mad , mad at life .. But then as tho a breeze went over me the reasons if you want to call it that or what ever , was a lil clear tho i dont understand it , and not sure I ever will , Onlyone person knows that answer. But its all for reasons , I just have to accept it and know that theres a reason why and go on in life , my higher power has plans for me and this is his will and his way . Im just here to do my share and accect things on his terms. I stay sober because I know its his will that helps me each day reflect on my life and tho they were 4 short days with the beautifulest angel . I dont dwell on the sadness of her loss , for every moment I waste thinking on the sad I ruin the short time of good I did have ,The crime in not having her over rides the fact that I did have her and how blessed my life has become. I remained sober thu all this never falling off the wagon and today I havnt fallen yet either . Its one day at a time. When my time is here and done I will see Sara again And i want her and my higher power to be proud of the things I have done on this earth. I miss my daughter everyday but I still see her in my thought , my dreams and everthing around me reminds me of her . and for this I stay sober too . The loss of a loved one is a traggidy and hard to cope with . but with the help of my highpower Ive survived another day another hour and another minute . loss isnt a reason to drink or use again it only makes things worse . Today Im 4 plus yrs sober almost at 5 and so greatful for life and its small things neglected when I was drinking , I hope that this babbling blog of mine reaches someone and helps them thu a difficult time of a loved ones passing . just need to have faith and understand he only takes the good ones thats why its called heaven.. Peace be with you " Zoner". I forgot to mention the reason Sara isnt with us, B-strept.. ladys while pregnant PLEASE be sure to have the tests request that they do it it could save your new borns life ! ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/983-remembering-saras-smile.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/980-one-more-day.html Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:26:02 GMT good windy afternoon everyone in blog land, Well its great to be alive and sober . windy tho.. tried our attemps at fishing and only thing i got was a few horse fly bites dang them things hurt , But... good windy afternoon everyone in blog land, Well its great to be alive and sober . windy tho.. tried our attemps at fishing and only thing i got was a few horse fly bites dang them things hurt , But i was reflecting on something kinda odd , Ive never spent this much sober time outdoors before , and what made me think bout it was the nice tan im workin . Used to say its a nice day should go out and do something and off we wood go to the nearest bar and sat in there till it was dark. Walk outside and be like dang what a wasted day that was , but never did anything to render it , other then just repeat the same steps , Living where theres not year round sunshine. you forget to take advantage of them nice days , Now sober i so look forward to any chance i can get to getting outside " literally " gardening fishing bikeing hiking anything that takes me out to what i love the most bout our world . even tho we didnt catch any thing for dinner it was still nice just to enjoy the sunshine, birds and yes even the bugs . But 4 plus yrs ago my skin never had color and ive never been one to lay in an oven and pay someone for something like that , tho i never had that extra money anyways. Todays a good day ....
I also have a high chance of a great paying job , even with the wedding time i need to take off apparently there very leanient bout time off and such . its a lil bit of a travel time but the pay is well worth the efforts and time , concidering there ARE NO JOBS in this small town this is a wonderful oppertunity for me . and will car pool with another member of the program saving both us some expences on fuel. funny thing is at my age over 40 ill say , ive never earned this sorta money . im really excited to see how it goes , my friend starts there monday and will let her test the waters and seei f its what we both hope it will be and getting the job wont be a problem there lookin for help big time . :c029: so yah you can say im excited and life is good and it does get better even when you think things are already good . all you gotta do is beleive and have a gain of patience . Well i think were gonna jump on the bike an try a ride in the wind its city fair time and gotta go look at all the animals and such they have at the fair ground , nuttin like your small time local fair , ooh yah good eats there too .. anyways i hope this finds those of your reading this happy and serene. Peace out more laters Endzoner ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/980-one-more-day.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/976-my-first-blog-here.html Thu, 10 Jul 2008 18:22:44 GMT hello sober world , Wow what a wonderdful ride , im not getting of this train ! Who wood of thought that life this way could be so terrific , When i look back to them days of havic and distruction ,... hello sober world , Wow what a wonderdful ride , im not getting of this train ! Who wood of thought that life this way could be so terrific , When i look back to them days of havic and distruction , i just thought it was a lesson of hard knocks and leaning lifes ways , lil did i know then that it was my own creation that caused such things , it was as we all know , someone elses doing that something was not going our way or was wrong . Today, lifes great tho a job would be great, but other then that I really dont have much to complain bout , I have way more things to be greatful for then anything , Have 4 plus yrs soberity, a wondeful attentive and giving man who asked me to marry him ( aug 30 08) and a wonderful support system of family and friends, a relationship with my higher power, what else is there to want in life , nuttin as i see it . but for anything else that does come my way i concider it a bonus in life . Im new to this sight and seems like a really cool place to be when the weather outside is HOT or even if its not , But today its a 90* day and the suns burning down , Im glad its to hot or i never wood of found this sight thu an invite .Thanks. well i just wanted to post my first blog , normally i'd have lots more to say but im lil shy on words today, so definatly more another day .. peace n serenity to all who read this ... Endzoner ]]> endzoner http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/endzoner/976-my-first-blog-here.html