http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:06:00 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/687-aa-eh.html Fri, 02 May 2008 14:11:20 GMT i think that's what an AA meeting in canada would be like... AA, eh? maybe rowan can enlighten me.

kidding, by the way. but whatevs.

the newest sponsee picked up 60 days last night, which is rawesome. she got mad at me the other night for being authoritarian - she was right. i hate it when they're right. ;) the other sponsee is doing fabulous, picking up 10 months on the 4th and sponsoring a new girl. our sponsor family is thriving!

plus, a remarkable woman who i LOVE is starting up a step study with us. that rules, because between all of us we've got maybe 12 years of sobriety, and this lady's got like 15. and she's amazing! i'm quite excited. i actually saw her at my doctor's office... i was there to get an annual, and i was really nervous, and she walked out! it was a total god thing, really blew me away. my nerves calmed down, i got through the appt., and even cracked a (pretty bad) joke with the doctor before i left. sobriety, man... it kills me! in that good way.

hmm... started counseling. i went monday, i go again monday. i am learning that i'm not bananas, just going through grief. i really really miss my dad a lot, and that's okay. it's not okay to miss work, but it's okay for me to feel however i feel. i asked the therapist to try to find me a book or something so that i have something to DO when i get all bunged up inside. hopefully it's a good one. my mom told me to read "why do i think i'm nothing without a man?" jeeeesus mom! need me to read between the lines there? but i know it's just cause she loves me, and my track record is less than stellar.

andy got a DWI last weekend. sucks. he was almost at a year in sobriety, but when we broke up he just... yeah. i don't know. romances and finances, really. our friend went to the jail to pick him up because i wasn't going down there, no way. i was proud of myself for that, staying out of the cheap drama and really trying to walk the walk. it's weird, when i got sponsees i had no idea just how accountable they'd make me. i love those girls!

mm... so it's friday, and i'm super bored at work. i wonder what the SR kiddos are doing this weekend. i've got some plans, which is nice. i'm going to get dinner with my girls tonight, then my home group. tomorrow we're having a jewelry party! i'm so nerdily excited. my step-mom's coming up, we're going to have lunch then she's coming to the jewelry party. i'm baby-sitting for a guy i know (and LOVE) from the rooms... he has two daughters, i'm pretty stoked about that. sunday, i'm playing softball with my friends jenn and hollie, it's a double header, should be a good time. sunday night i'll meet with the spons, and... yeah. full of good times, good folks, etc.

i think i'm gonna start a new blog about my people. like a living gratitude list, or something. yes! ]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/687-aa-eh.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/443-cause-every-little-thing-gonna-alright.html Mon, 10 Mar 2008 03:27:56 GMT
1. Who was the last person you talked to in..
Person: wright
Texting: andy
Phone: andy
Comments: huh?
Messages: hmm...

2. Do you think you're approachable?
more so than i was when i was drinking... sober emily has a lucid, aware smile. drunken emily has a fuzzy 3 mile smile... not so hott.

4. Do you regret doing anything in the past week?
not really. i wish i'd gotten to see the fam, but otherwise last week was pretty good.

5. What advice would you give to your ex's new love interest?
buy a few iron and wine CDs. maybe some cat stevens if she didn't already have 'em. that's it, really.

7. What do you think of when you hear the word "sag"?
i honestly don't know. sag... flesh, i guess. ew.

8. What color is your hair?
blonde and brown

9. Have you been pressured to do anything recently ?
not really.

12. Who's the sweetest person you know right now?
jennifer. my aunt kathy.

13. Do you know anyone with a serious illness?
a couple people.

15. Do you like your name?
sure

16. Are you interested in anyone?
always

17. Who is the fifth text in your inbox from and what does it say?
ooh, see, no cell phone really, so... i don't know. someone trying to talk to andy (it's his phone)

20. Do you have a facebook?
nope, but i need to get one so that me n sam can be BFFs

21. Do you hate anyone?
nope.

23. When was the last time you went to the movies?
a bunch of us went to see cloverfield, and it sucked. AND we spent too much on snacks. it was boo.

24. Are you a good speller?
yes, actually. hahaha, what a nerdy thing to be good at...

25. What is something you don't like about yourself?
chaaaracter deeeeefects.

26. Are you listening to any music right now?
nope, listening to my heater. it's cold!

28. If you could find out when you were going to die, would you?
heck no! talk about ruining the ending... jeez

30. Do you love someone?
i love lots of someones.

31. If you could have any superpower, what would you get?
invisibility. but i might use it for evil instead of good. i'd try to use it for good.

33. Do you have a favorite finger?
they all provide excellent phalangeability. real word, btw, phalangeability.

34. Would you rather feel pain or be numb?
ooh, tough question for an alcoholic. i'd rather feel it fully, learn from it, and let it go so that i know i can make it. numb sucks.

35. What is your fav. color?
rainbow!

36. Do you like competition?
it's tricky for me. i don't like it, because if i lose i get bummed out. but i do like it, because it pushes me to do my best.

37. What is your current mood?
chillinchillin

39. Do you hate being alone?
depends on the day

40. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
that's dumb

42. Where do you wish you were right now?
on a snowboard up at keystone in the outback. or on a houseboat off of fiji or some gorgeous island somewhere.

43. What should you be doing right now?
sleepin

44. Does sex mean love?
no, love means love. sex means bumpin uglies. hopefully though, you bump uglies with someone you love. i think that's why i do a sex inventory... so i can keep that trend up.

45. What do you believe is the meaning of life?
if i knew that, i'd write an oprah book and wouldn't have to work at mental health anymore.

46. Who has had the most influence on you (good & bad)?
golly. it'd take too long to list.

47. Rather spend a night out or a night in?
in bed with sleepy pants on

48. Single forever with a great family or no family and your soul mate?
jesus, talk about sophie's choice. um... i want both.

49. What is your favorite board game?
cranium. scrabble. RISK!

50. Your favorite book?
the places that scare you by pema chodron

51. Do you know how to change a tire?
yes, actually.

52. What item could you not go without during the day?
chapstick

53. Would you share a drink with a stranger?
um. truthfully, i probably would just let them have it. if i was going to die from dehydration, i would share with them. otherwise, no. i'm weird about that.

54. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
dad.

55. In the past week have you gotten kissed?
yes yes yes

56. Have you ever lied about something important to your girl/boyfriend?
yeah, bad times u.s.a.

57. This question has been deleted. How does that make you feel?
silly

58. How long ago did you hug someone?
few hours ago

59. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
nope

60. Do you ever think about any of your ex's?
from time to time, but not obsessively. i pray for them, and wish them well.

61. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
ahh again with the text messages!

62. Do you need to get something off you chest?
i'm going to go back to colorado, i think.

63. How do you feel about your life right now?
a little confused, but i'm giving it to god and working on really fully trusting the big guy. i feel pretty peaceful.

64. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
maybe a dozen or so.

66. What characteristic do you despise the most about yourself?
jealousy... rrrr...

67. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did?
all the time. thus, grateful for recovery.

68. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?
reference #67

69. How's the relationship between you and your last ex?
nonexistent. okay with that.

70. Do you talk dirty to people?
not for a living ;)

71. Do you think you can make it on a "Moment of Truth"?
probably

72. Anyone upset you lately?
nothing i won't get over

73. Last person you talked to on the phone?
again?

74. Can you easily tell if someone's fake?
mostly. sometimes i get tricked.

75. If an ex told you that they hate you, you say?
doesn't surprise me. can i make an amend?

76. Do you think you're dumb?
nope

77. What could be done to make things better for you?
a million dollars :)

78. Do you love someone at the moment?
again? lots and lots of someones.

79. How's your heart?
keeping beat. no pacemaker here...

80. Ever kiss someone with a name starting with a C?
yeah

81. First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
um... last september? i can't remember. it was in the subaru.

82. Can you keep a secret?
today i can.

83. Are you happy with your living arrangement?
i'm okay with them.

84. Do you have trust issues?
i think most folks do, but i'm working on them.

85. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive, definitely.

86. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
hahahahahaha, yeah

87. Who is a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
sam - j. king - grampa - tom

88. What is the last thing you took a drink of?
pom juice

89. What do you see out of the nearest window?
parking lot

90. Describe your life in 3 words.
grace. adventure. full.

91. What is your goal over the next week?
see the fam, write on step one from the 12 & 12, hit the gym 5 times in a row, not eat candy!

92. What is something you are looking forward to?
2 years sober.

93. Funniest conversation you recently had with someone?
jordan and i's singalong at brixx

94. What are you wearing?
snowboarding t-shirt, sleepy pants

95. Is there anyone on your mind?
truthfully? i'm exhausted, and a little angry that i did this instead of going right to bed.

ok, i'm out!
]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/443-cause-every-little-thing-gonna-alright.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/252-still-days-those-lonely-days-they-go.html Mon, 04 Feb 2008 03:12:29 GMT I am pretty sure my dad's spirit was with the Giants tonight. He was a huge New York fan, and I can't imagine he'd miss seeing this Super Bowl. When I talk to my brother tomorrow, I wonder which one of us will bring up Dad's presence on the field first. :)

I'm finally starting to process things a little bit. I'm grateful for that. ]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/252-still-days-those-lonely-days-they-go.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/196-lord-make-me-channel-thy-peace.html Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:37:22 GMT those are the opening words to the st. francis prayer. i have that prayer tacked up in my cubicle, for when someone super crazy calls and frustrates me. or when i need perspective on my life. or... those are the opening words to the st. francis prayer. i have that prayer tacked up in my cubicle, for when someone super crazy calls and frustrates me. or when i need perspective on my life. or if i just want to feel a little better. i have the long version of the serenity prayer tacked up too because sometimes the short one just won't cut it. i also have a picture of haze at the beach where it looks like she's laughing, a picture of my sister and i before a 5k we did on my 22nd birthday, a picture of my dad kissing my cheek that was taken a week before i got sober, a picture of mickey and i with copper mountain in the background, a picture of andy in the ocean, my nephew billy in his georgia jersey, my nephew joshua sleeping, and my best pal sam being as sam as humanly possible. i have some pearls before swine cartoons that a coworker gives me sometimes and a card that my mom sent me with the great sand dunes on it.

my cubicle is covered in mental health papers, tons of phone numbers and insurance grids, extensions for people i won't ever meet, instructions for voicemail, lists of doctors and treatment teams, different therapists and the groups they offer, forms for different procedures the counselors do, lists of medications and their generics, and a take out menu for this terrible chinese place down the road.

coworkers cough, swear under their breath, have conversations with patients, take information, make referrals, keyboards click-click-click, the fax/copier groans, phones buzz, and the fluorescent lights leave everyone exposed.

this is the batcave. my coworkers are silly and compassionate, very smart. lots of them have babies. a lot of them were pregnant not too long ago. the people that call us don't seem to realize that we're people too. i guess because we work at a mental health facility we're not supposed to have feelings either. we need to stay cool and calm with callers and take care of them. be patient and investigate. see what's going on, and do what the st. francis prayer says-where there is discord, bring harmony. where there is wrong, bring the spirit of forgiveness.

i am blessed, truly, to be able to convert my negative energy toward this job into gratitude for the lessons i get to learn from being here. what an amazing transformation. i can't believe it, some days, that god thinks enough of me to let me realize these everyday miracles. it's true-god is good, all the time. all the time, god is good. ]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/196-lord-make-me-channel-thy-peace.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/146-do-what-you-do-do-well-boy.html Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:58:26 GMT i read three daily meditations this morning, and prayed, and here i am at work forgetting everything i read. ah, well.

i started adding to my morning prayer a few weeks ago, and that's helped. my friend earl said in a meeting a few months ago that he just wonders where god will take him in his day, so i started telling the big guy that i would just wonder where i was going, not make any plans or keep any expectations. it's nice to know that i have that as a touchstone in my day, because often times i need something to come back to and just remind myself "oh yeah, that's what i'm looking for today, wonder... okay, that works." it's nice.

i'm going to my regular wednesday meeting tonight. my sponsee made it her home group, so it's nice to show up in support of that. i'm about to start working with another woman, who just picked up a white chip after a relapse. she's a really cool lady, and i'm excited to get a chance to take her through the big book. my other sponsee just picked up 6 months, she said last night that she wanted to start going through the 12 and 12. i've never been sponsored out of the 12 and 12, so it'll be new for me, but i'm always down for an adventure. i think about these girls, and that i get the opportunity to play such a role in their sobriety, and it makes me feel so honored and grateful that god has seen fit for me to do this job. it's a pretty amazing feeling, getting to sponsor. i love my sponsor, and really look up to her, so to know i'm in a similar position is such a huge privelige. ohhh, i just love my AA sisters. :)

we had a group conscience about the creepy dude that's been stalking women from the rooms. turns out he's actually psychotic, and has had a lot of trouble in the past. we can't ban him from meetings, so my home group decided on watching him vigilantly, then meeting for an emergency group conscience in 2 weeks to check in with us girls to see how we're feeling and if we want to get a restraining order against him. i hope it just dies down... it's a weird position, we can't be pushy because he's a threat, but we can't do nothing, because he's a threat. talk about a rock and a hard place.

that's where i'm at today. life is good, i have johnny cash stuck in my head, and i consider that a blessing. god's in charge, and god is good all the time. all the time, god is good. i can hang with that, just for today.

easy does it! ]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/146-do-what-you-do-do-well-boy.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/29-i-almost-there-top-stairs-her-screaming-rain.html Thu, 27 Dec 2007 21:11:12 GMT so christmas came and went. thank god it only comes once a year... i missed my mom so much my teeth hurt. i did get to go see andy's family in west virginia, and that was really nice. they're wonderful people, with big open hearts. we had a good time, they taught me how to play yahtzee and i got to meet his grandma. it was surreal, though... i know intellectually that everything was better than fine, but my heart still hurt. i missed my mom, i missed my grandma, my family, my siblings, my dad. i actually missed my mom more than my pop, maybe because i knew that my mom was still walking and talking somewhere, and my dad is gone. *sigh* i'm just glad it's come and gone, and that life is still crackalackin on by.

in other news, the financial strain is finally starting to lift and that is a huge relief for me. i am so grateful to have that monkey off my back. i went through a few tense moments with the big guy, but there was always a piece of me that knew everything was gonna be alright. i talked to a lot of people about faith during this last little while, and what it really breaks down to is faith without works is dead... and now i'm not living in the fear that consumed me for the last few weeks.

so, i guess my lesson is don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens. right? ;) ]]> Emimily http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/emimily/29-i-almost-there-top-stairs-her-screaming-rain.html