Rain Rain, go away.... LOL
I know, I know.. Rain makes the green stuff grow. The flowers bloom. My soon to be garden rich with yummy delights.. But I am just feeling the weather. Lazy, sleepy, blah. It's my first blog here. I have 5 days until my 90 days. I am so proud of that. Despite a bit of temptation along the way, some withdrawals, and a lot of sleepless nights. I just don't want to go through the he ll again. I'm finally at the point where I want to stay clean more than I want to get high.
I've got so much work to do and sometimes it seems overwhelming. I still have to get the title to one of my sold vehicles to the new owner so she can get the car in her name. She and I used to use together and I have a hard time going down to see her..
I need to call my sponsor and I really should go to a meeting.
I am at a crossroads of sorts with my step work. I don't know if it's because I have a case of the lazies or because I am truly confused as to the point of the step work, but either way.. It's not getting done right now.
Sometimes the balance is easy to find, sometimes it is not.
I feel closer to my boyfriend. I feel we are getting closer, becoming more of a couple and it's a little scary. I just hate to get close to someone and something happen that will cause me to have to start over again. It's why I didn't want a relationship, initially, in the first place. But the more we saw each other, the more I changed my mind. I am not in love with him, but I do admire him and care for him a great deal. My day gets better when I see his face. That he cares what happens to me astounds me. I simply had become used to being used. Where people only cared what happened to me if I didn't have the dope back to their place by a certain time. I am not used to someone who cares about getting my truck put back together, seeing me as a person, and caring about whether or not I am using. I stay clean for myself, but it sure helps to have him be proud of me too.
I've got so much work to do and sometimes it seems overwhelming. I still have to get the title to one of my sold vehicles to the new owner so she can get the car in her name. She and I used to use together and I have a hard time going down to see her..
I need to call my sponsor and I really should go to a meeting.
I am at a crossroads of sorts with my step work. I don't know if it's because I have a case of the lazies or because I am truly confused as to the point of the step work, but either way.. It's not getting done right now.
Sometimes the balance is easy to find, sometimes it is not.
I feel closer to my boyfriend. I feel we are getting closer, becoming more of a couple and it's a little scary. I just hate to get close to someone and something happen that will cause me to have to start over again. It's why I didn't want a relationship, initially, in the first place. But the more we saw each other, the more I changed my mind. I am not in love with him, but I do admire him and care for him a great deal. My day gets better when I see his face. That he cares what happens to me astounds me. I simply had become used to being used. Where people only cared what happened to me if I didn't have the dope back to their place by a certain time. I am not used to someone who cares about getting my truck put back together, seeing me as a person, and caring about whether or not I am using. I stay clean for myself, but it sure helps to have him be proud of me too.
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