new to this

I don't know how this works but i am looking for help I am finding it hard at the moment as I just moved closer to home and the meetings are way different to where I was prevously living so I don't go to them much to be honest I have only been to 3 or 4 in the last 2 months and I can feel the difference in myself sometimes I feel sucidal and then other days feel really good the other night I spent the night in my room crying and not knowing why I am also really worried about my sister as are my familly because we think she drinks way too much but I find it weird to say I think shes an alcoholic and I cant say anything to her 'cause 1: I know I need to let go and 2:she thinks I am judging her because I am in recovery