I don't remember reading Hamlet in high school. In fact, I don't remember reading much of Shakespeare at all. What I did read, I didn't understand very well. Don't get me wrong, I was considered an intelligent student, just not very comfortable in my own skin. So, I escaped high school as quickly as possible, skipping over eleventh grade, or "advancing" as it was called. I attended an abbreviated version of eleventh grade English, health, and I think there was another class. I passed the...

This evening was my third episode of craving today . It's the second day of trying to reduce my suboxone dose on my own (again!) I hardly believe that I'm allowing myself to write this because I doubt that writing about it will help me to understand. I know that if I were to look into the eyes of someone reading this, the degradation that I would experience would be too much to bear. I've considered that perhaps it is a subconscious form of punishment for experiencing and sometimes wanting to...

This morning I had to confess to my AA group that I think that I may know why I've been struggling with introducing myself as an alcoholic in addition to introducing myself as an addict. Although the reason that I began attending the AA meetings was because there were no NA meetings during the week that fit my schedule easily, I have to admit that I have had some difficulty with alcohol in the past. Actually, it's been enough of a difficulty that when I sheepishly explained that I had trouble with...

The following "disclaimer" of sorts was posted by me in the Substance Abuse Forum on December 22, 2008. The message that I am not God was repeatedly given to me by friends on SR and at a subsequent NA meeting. I posted it because I was struggling with my oppressive need to be a perfect example and with the burdensome duty that I felt to protect the God in Whom I claim to believe. These burdens of belief are extremely difficult to reconcile with the activity of posting my failings on a...

Today I had my evaluation for IOP. I have been looking forward to this meeting since I scheduled it, but even more since the temptations started in. I was too sick to be tempted the first couple days on Suboxone and then I was too psyched about what recovery was going to mean for me (that I was going to get fixed or at least start finding out why I’m so broken as to turn to opioids). I’ll admit that the prospect of a recovery program was a bit scary, but it brought a great sense of relief and hope....