renewal of my sobriety...doing whatever it each one day at a time
Day 4 just waking up
Posted 09-20-2009 at 10:21 AM by christian1975
it is day number 4...just after 9:30 in the morning, and drinking my first cup of hot tea and have already smoked my first cigarette. i slept almost 11 hours, FINALLY getting the kind of sleep one needs during the whole detox process.
i was awoken by a phone call from a "friend of bill" who is going through what looks like will be the loss of her father. i admire her in the respect she has no problem calling on the help on those friwnds in her time of need, when that is something i am in need of some work. incase you are wondering, YES she is still sober/clean..THANK GOODNESS..."she is so strong i think to myself" as she talks trying to hold back the sound of her tears. "i need to go to church" she says...and i just sit there kind of perplexed....but still so proud to call her my friend.
i know with me, i would have been already drunk, passed out a cpl times, escaping into my bottle that has always offered my so much self soothing companionship....was this a message of strength God was trying to send me...i then have to shake my head around getting the thought out my head...after all everything isn't about me right? at any rate i am going in to work for her today in her time of need..she has always been there for me...once loaning me 20.00 so i could buy me some cigs and eggs and her then buying me a loaf of bread so i could at least eat and smoke after an earlier relapse of mine. i hang up the phone saying a silent prayer for her, call my work letting them know, and then setting a time cal up through the taxi cab co. that they own.
i had turned on my computer, checking one of my e mail accounts and then coming here. in my mail accoutn was an actual prayer from my brother's-(whom i've never met-serving 25-30 yrs) mother-(who was the one who messaged me via facebook finding me)...i read the prayer that made me tear up...knowing God was with me, and so was she. i have never even talked to this lady on the phone and she has showed me the unconditional love that a parent should ALWAYS show their child even in their darkest of days. makes me happy to know that my brother, Matthew had such a great mother, but sad at the same time knowing his situation. nothing is set in stone, with one more court hearing to go!
i am going to get off work at 7:30 tonight so i can make the 8 o'clock meeting that i have been planning on going to. then coming home and going to bed, i have to work at 6 am tomorrow which means i have to be up by 4 am so i can drink tea, relax with the news etc...i should probably tell you that i am not much of a morning person...but tomorrow i will not be much of a DRUNK-HUNG-OVER person so it might not be SO BAD.
i will try to add a small blog post, before hitting the sack, we will just have to see. at any rate i know today how truly blessed i am and will try to remind myself through out the day. "all things happen for a reason", right? all this clarity, this site, my ability to go to meetings and not be "jumping out of my skin", and most of all my God and my sobriety, Matthew, Kim-his mother. it feels different this time, sort of "peaceful" if you will...it actually makes me cry when i actually sit still and meditate over it-(which is hard for me to do in itself). COULD I FINALLY BE DONE GOD? i know i can just pray for TODAY the next 24...so with that Blessings to all Christian1975
i was awoken by a phone call from a "friend of bill" who is going through what looks like will be the loss of her father. i admire her in the respect she has no problem calling on the help on those friwnds in her time of need, when that is something i am in need of some work. incase you are wondering, YES she is still sober/clean..THANK GOODNESS..."she is so strong i think to myself" as she talks trying to hold back the sound of her tears. "i need to go to church" she says...and i just sit there kind of perplexed....but still so proud to call her my friend.
i know with me, i would have been already drunk, passed out a cpl times, escaping into my bottle that has always offered my so much self soothing companionship....was this a message of strength God was trying to send me...i then have to shake my head around getting the thought out my head...after all everything isn't about me right? at any rate i am going in to work for her today in her time of need..she has always been there for me...once loaning me 20.00 so i could buy me some cigs and eggs and her then buying me a loaf of bread so i could at least eat and smoke after an earlier relapse of mine. i hang up the phone saying a silent prayer for her, call my work letting them know, and then setting a time cal up through the taxi cab co. that they own.
i had turned on my computer, checking one of my e mail accounts and then coming here. in my mail accoutn was an actual prayer from my brother's-(whom i've never met-serving 25-30 yrs) mother-(who was the one who messaged me via facebook finding me)...i read the prayer that made me tear up...knowing God was with me, and so was she. i have never even talked to this lady on the phone and she has showed me the unconditional love that a parent should ALWAYS show their child even in their darkest of days. makes me happy to know that my brother, Matthew had such a great mother, but sad at the same time knowing his situation. nothing is set in stone, with one more court hearing to go!
i am going to get off work at 7:30 tonight so i can make the 8 o'clock meeting that i have been planning on going to. then coming home and going to bed, i have to work at 6 am tomorrow which means i have to be up by 4 am so i can drink tea, relax with the news etc...i should probably tell you that i am not much of a morning person...but tomorrow i will not be much of a DRUNK-HUNG-OVER person so it might not be SO BAD.
i will try to add a small blog post, before hitting the sack, we will just have to see. at any rate i know today how truly blessed i am and will try to remind myself through out the day. "all things happen for a reason", right? all this clarity, this site, my ability to go to meetings and not be "jumping out of my skin", and most of all my God and my sobriety, Matthew, Kim-his mother. it feels different this time, sort of "peaceful" if you will...it actually makes me cry when i actually sit still and meditate over it-(which is hard for me to do in itself). COULD I FINALLY BE DONE GOD? i know i can just pray for TODAY the next 24...so with that Blessings to all Christian1975
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