i used to think drugs and alcohol would solve all my problems, help me escape so i just WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL! then i thought THERAPY-sitting around talking of all my issues of "inadequacy" and childhood pain- would be the answer. SOBRIETY came as a last resort, after all, my drugs and alcohol never abandoned or beat me, OR stole my sexual innocense...that was always my biggest REASON-self soothing validation.
i now know that it was all just some rouse, some sorry lame excuse...

okay , so with some grace of my higher power, I AM STILL SOBER!!! infact i haven't even thought about taking a drink since last weekend. i think the obsession has been lifted, am i being to optimistic? i have no idea, i am just feeling pretty good lately. i recently cut out all caffeine from my diet, and i am thinking that has alot to do with my energetic feelings of bliss.
in two weeks i am going to visit my best friend in phoenix arizona...i haven't seen her in almost 5 years....*long...

i am still sober, although i have to admit, i feel the depression crashing in on me. i haven't gone to any meetings this weekend, and have the weekend off of work, so i don't know. i barely had enough ambition today to do some much needed laundry, and my dishes, but other than that nothing else..besides coming here and filling out my blog...well i am going to go for now...take care everyone

ok so it's day number 9, and the thoughts are starting to run through my head, "it's ok now , you can go get a bottle and be alright".....YIKES...this scares me because i know how it will end...calling off work to devote myself 100 percent to my best friend , vodka...so i am quickly reminding myself of this and the thought goes away...for a little bit anyway. i know that i CANNOT give in to temptation, and i am trying to do things differently this time...which is hard for me, because i...

it is thursday, september 24th, my eighth day of sobriety, and i finally am starting to feel like "myself" again. the saddest part is however that tomorrow would've been my year if i hadn't of relapsed 7 weeks ago...ugh...but here's to new beginnings!!!
i didn't go to a meeting yesterday or today...is that bad? i was so exhausted i just wanted a chance wo sleep in to day...does that make less willing? i don't know...at anyrate i plan on going to a meeting tomorrow, it's PAYDAY...