http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chino/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:36:46 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chino/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chino/1692-goodbye-now-my-friend.html Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:07:29 GMT I've known you for 9 years and you were a soul mate. You were the friend I could share all my secrets and passions with, and laugh so hard sometimes we would cry or snort. We knew each others thoughts and sometimes finished each others sentences.

Then you found Xanax. I always understood you had panic attacks, and didn't have the coping skills to come to terms with all the baggage from the past.

I also understood when your present life became unbearable at times, when life and people were so damned mean. I understood it was a mountain of anguish pressing down on you.

What I couldn't understand was when you willingly and knowingly kept taking those damned pills. You knew what was going to happen! I tried to help you find resources but you refused to accept them.

Now you've torn your MCL, though thank God you just need time but no surgery. It just makes me so sad that you insist on taking opiates every day for pain, that you plan on taking them for at least the next month. Once again, you know what's going to happen!

What frightens me the most is that I think you have a death wish. You know you can't mix opiates with benzos, but you do it every day along with those 2-3 glasses of wine and your blood pressure meds.

I can't talk to you one more time on the phone. I can't listen to you slurring your words and repeating yourself, sometimes 4-5 times in five minutes. I can't listen to you telling me again the same story that I've heard for the last five years, about how miserable your life is. I won't be another enabler in your life.

I can't trust your judgment any more. I can't trust your honesty. It makes me sad to know that everything we shared during the last five years was while you were under the influence.

I won't watch you kill yourself so I have to say goodbye for now. From everything I've learned from my daughter, I now know addict thinking and behavior when I see and hear it. I have to step away, but you know where to find me if you need the help I can offer.

You'll always be in my prayers and always in my heart. I love you dear friend and I miss you. ]]> Chino http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chino/1692-goodbye-now-my-friend.html