http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:28:08 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/1294-studying.html Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:43:51 GMT Studying is a very simple concept right!?! Yes it is, but it also takes some dedication and a heck of a lot of keeping focused and keeping on track. It is so important that we study, in order to... Studying is a very simple concept right!?! Yes it is, but it also takes some dedication and a heck of a lot of keeping focused and keeping on track. It is so important that we study, in order to get the results that we want. And if we don’t want better results than we don’t study. In order to get good grades in class, we must apply ourselves, focus on what we are doing, and make sure that we are directly connected to what we are doing.

It is so simple, yet sometimes we will become complacent and that isn’t good for us. We need to do the very best that we can in whatever we are doing. One thing that I have noticed here lately is that it takes a lot more than just to show up for a class. It takes involvement in that class also. We must participate in what we are doing in order for whatever we are studying to become very effective. Now this concept isn’t knew to us, yet it is like a God Shot to someone such as myself.

I have been in recovery for quite sometime now. However even with the time that I have in, I have not participated too much in my recovery, nor have I even studied that much in order to get the results that I would like to have. I suppose a guy would even say that I have pretty much just rested on my morals, if in fact I even had any to begin with. So I come up with the conclusion that we need to get back to the basics. And what are the basics of studying.

First thing is to show up on time. We can not be late for class because there are consequences for being late, or tardy if you remember. And if you get too many of them than you can get suspended and than if that happens you are going to be missing out on a lot of things from the class that you will probably end up failing. So showing up on time is very important.

Now in class we have to also pay attention to the teacher. That being said, if you are in Recovery, the teacher can be a lot of different things. I know many will automatically go into the Sponsor, God stuff, etc. but there are other teachers such as just friends, maybe your partner, books, literature, Forums sites that have a whole lot of Resources and things of the such. These things are all teachers and if we are paying attention to it than we are off to a wonderful start.

Now usually during class, when the teacher is teaching, most of us have used what we know as taking notes. Now as far as the notes are concerned, that is pretty much the same as journalism. Now if you go to most websites that are used for recovery they or most of them have journal forums in them so you are able post and most of the Internet world are not able to see them unless they are members of that Forum so that is a good way to express yourself and to be able to take note so to speak.

Than when all is said and done, once we have commenced this way of life, we than are ready to take the test. The test in recovery and being able to pass the test is to learn how to live life without the use of using. To put into action the things that we are taught by all the process above and to score on that test so to speak. The score depends on how well we follow the directions and how well we have listened throughout sessions. That my friends is Studying to this addict.

Thanks for allowing me to share. ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/1294-studying.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/995-relapse-exchange-25-months-18-days-20-minutes-3-hits.html Mon, 14 Jul 2008 04:50:08 GMT Image: http://www.sobercomments.com/images/pain.gif That is called insanity! But that is what happened to me. Yes I took three hits and didn’t even get high. Must have been some bunk **** cause...
That is called insanity! But that is what happened to me. Yes I took three hits and didn’t even get high. Must have been some bunk **** cause three hits usually after the first hit you can feel it? So I am in awe as I come here tonight. Wasn’t going to post this anywhere but I did post earlier in a few places just to get it out. I am struck by what happened. The thing about the whole thing is that the obsession and the compulsion to do more isn’t there and never did come around. Maybe the reason is that it wasn’t real dope? Don’t know but am grateful that it didn’t come back like it has in the past.

Of course the mind **** is there but not as bad as it has been in the past. The questioning of me running let a lone owning recovery sites after the owner relapses what does that really sound like? But I do have to remember also that relapse is part of the deal or at least it has been for me. Tell ya the truth it has been starting a while back as most of ya know but I was in such a good place here that it is really unbelievable that it occurred. I guess what they say is that you really have to watch it at all times. But than I am beginning to wonder if this deal isn’t really for me? I mean working so damn hard at staying clean and for what really? To stay alive? I am not afraid to die, so that shouldn’t be a issue at all. Matter of fact I truly welcome death.

So I posted this at a few sites today well not what I am saying here, but that I went out for 20 minutes of not even getting high and wondering do I really need to even count it? Well **** yes it is the action that I took, not the outcome of the action. What did the action do? It really didn’t set up the obsessive/compulsive behavior that I thought it was going to, but it did set up a little bit of the mind **** **** that we deal with in early recovery.

I went to the 8pm meeting here where I now live and wasn’t going to fess up to anything but I did. I just said that I turned in the time for 20 minutes of not even getting high. People I don’t even know. It is like I feel as if I don’t belong in the meetings around here. Really a lot of emotional **** that I am going through and staying as positive about it all that I can also seems to help but just feeling distance and knowing that I have hurt some others today from my using makes me even sadder. Knowing that I let the members of my sites down, myself down, HP down, etc. just makes you want to not even try again.

And than coming here and reading some of the stuff like living life on life’s terms without the use of drugs. Boy I sure know how to talk the talk but don’t know **** about walking the walk or at least not everyday. I do know that I am wanting to avoid logging into SNC. I don’t want to go there and confess. I am sure that it will draw more people away for that is something that I am truly good at doing. Sometimes I feel that it runs a lot better and people do more postings and things when I am not around. Which is true to some extent.

Well I suppose that I am going to bed. Hope ya all have a blessed and clean and sober night take care. ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/995-relapse-exchange-25-months-18-days-20-minutes-3-hits.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/521-history-narcotics-anonymous.html Thu, 27 Mar 2008 23:54:28 GMT HISTORY OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Transcribed from workshop tape) Hi, I’m Scott and I’m an addict. Hello family, it’s good to be here today. Many of us have the desire to know more about our... HISTORY OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS
(Transcribed from workshop tape)




Hi, I’m Scott and I’m an addict. Hello family, it’s good to be here today. Many of us have the desire to know more about our own roots. That is what has basically guided me to ask a lot of questions, find people out, and talk to them over a period of time to pick-up bits and pieces of the history of Narcotics Anonymous. If there is one thing for sure I’ve been able to figure out is if NA didn’t exist, someone would have to invent it. That is about what did happen in several different places. Some of these places had ties with each other and others were totally independent of each other, but all were about recovery from the disease of addiction.


You know this whole idea of the President’s war on drugs is not a new idea. Back in the Thirties, during prohibition, there was a heavy increase in drug usage. That was especially true for opium, morphine, and heroin. The public was kind of freaked-out over “drug crazed maniacs” and there were newspaper articles and stuff like that about those kind of things in those days. In fact, I can remember seeing reprints of a poster from the American Brewers’ Association that dated back from 1933 and it talked about “reefer madness.” All of that came out in the Thirties. In 1933, the Federal Government responded to this public appeal to do something about it, by opening up a U.S. Public Health Service Hospital in Lexington, Kentucky and it was part of the Lexington Kentucky Federal Prison then. Anybody could go to it, it required a court or voluntary committal. If a person thought they needed help from addiction, they could find out about this place, go there, and commit themselves. Truth is though that medical science didn’t have a clue as to what to do with these people when they got there and you can imagine some of the experimentation that went on.
Related closer to our history is in 1947, a fellow (named Houston), who recovered in another well-known Fellowship, believed that their 12-Steps could work for addicts. He had talked to a person who had just been out of that Public Health Service Hospital and he thought he saw a way that he could help them. Then Houston talked to a Dr. Victor Vogel who was the main principle doctor behind the Lexington Hospital. He convinced him that these 12 Steps could work for addicts and Houston offered to help start a group at the hospital.


On February 16, 1947, the first meeting of that group was held and they continued their weekly meetings for over twenty years, well into the late Sixties. They called themselves the Narco Group and at other times also adopted the other name Addicts Anonymous. We know about that because some of the people that were involved in that group are around today.


An interesting thing came out of the early 1947 group at Lexington, Kentucky, a fellow named Dan Carlson, a chronic relapser. In 1947, he came to Lexington for his 7th trip. He started attending the Narco groups, and for the first time in all his visits he began to feel like maybe there was a ray of hope, that maybe there was a chance that he could stop using. He spent his six-month stay there and then he went back to New York City. There he hooked-up with someone else who quietly on the sides apparently has been a moving force in the development of what later became our Narcotics Anonymous today. Her name was Major Dorothy Barry and she was a Major in the Salvation Army. She was committed to helping poor people, street people, and particularly addicts.


In 1948, Daniel Carlson, another person, and this Major Barry started a 12-Step NA group. They called it Narcotics Anonymous and they started in the New York Federal Prison System. We don’t know what happened to it; it seemed to disappear shortly after


Apparently though the idea was working at Lexington because in 1948 in Fort Worth, Texas the Federal Narcotics Farm adopted the Lexington model. The Lexington model at that point had become the 12-Steps with the word drugs changed in the First Step.


Dan Carlson relapsed again and he came back to Lexington in 1949, but this time apparently he was able to surrender and find what he needed to find and he stayed clean every since. When he left Lexington later in 1949, he went back to New York and got the Salvation Army to give him a meeting space for a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. He also got a YMCA to give another meeting space for a Narcotics Anonymous meeting.


We know about these things because some of the folks that were there wrote about it. Dan Carlson wrote a book called “The Addict.” There was another book by a fellow named Winzell Brown called “Monkey on my Back” and it has a chapter in it called Narcotics Anonymous, and in that chapter he talks about the meeting at the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Another fellow named Father Dan Eagan, who is woven throughout the history of Narcotics Anonymous over the years, wrote a book called “Junkie Priest.” In here there is a book called “Wednesday Night at the Y.” He talks about the Wednesday night Narcotics Anonymous meeting at the YMCA.


The thing that it took me a while personally to figure out though is these people weren’t founding fellowships, they were founding groups and calling them Narcotics Anonymous, Narco groups, or Addicts Anonymous. They were pretty independent of each other and they were people that were just striving to help each other. They might have had one or two folks that just thought that this is a good thing and they sort of helped it happen but it wasn’t any kind of a movement it was just independent efforts. In 1950 we know another one of those semi-independent efforts. They called themselves the NOTROL group and they were a 12-Step group started at the Federal Prison in Lorton, Virginia which is right outside of D.C. The name Notrol is Lorton spelled backwards.


The only tie we can see so far to this is that apparently it was graduates of the Lexington, Kentucky Public Health Service Hospital. When they left, wherever they went to or whatever prison they ended-up in, they tended to start groups. They were based on the 12 Steps.


Unrelated to that, in 1950, we also know that there were Habit Forming Drug groups taking place in Los Angeles, California, usually in conjunction with AA meetings. They were also held in homes. The principal person behind them was a lady named Betty Thom. She did a lot of writing. A member of our region used to live up in Vista before he died. Last year a friend of mine and I were allowed to go through some of his books and papers, and he had inches of writing from this HFD group. They had a 12 Step guide. They had a bunch of various articles that were type-written out on pages like maybe a magazine article before it got published or something. They were very committed that the 12 Steps could work for recovery from addiction.


Jimmy Kinnon, the co-founder of Narcotics Anonymous refers to a group called Addicts Anonymous that was taking place in East Los Angeles around this same time around 1950. We don’t know anything about it except for a couple of people I’ve talked to seem to remember that maybe a fellow named Si Malos was involved. Si Malos and Jimmy butted heads for over 15-20 years and the years that followed but apparently they both had a very single purpose and that was recovery from the disease of addiction through Steps.


So from 1950 to 1953, we know that there was various things popping up in different parts of the country. In New York and Chicago, the Salvation Army. In Virginia; Lexington, Kentucky; Texas; and California these individual groups named Addicts Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Narc group, HFD, they were happening. They were oriented to 12-Step recovery from the disease of addiction. Most of them were independent of each other. The only ties we can see are, first off, they weren’t a fellowship they were individual groups, and they were either started by people that came through the Salvation Army system or they were tied to folks that had gone through Lexington Kentucky Public Health Service Hospital. ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/521-history-narcotics-anonymous.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/313-addiction-recovery.html Sun, 17 Feb 2008 22:17:03 GMT Recovering From Your Addiction It really doesn’t matter what you suffer from in addiction, whether it is from sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, co-dependent, etc. The fact remains that there are... Recovering From Your Addiction

It really doesn’t matter what you suffer from in addiction, whether it is from sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, co-dependent, etc. The fact remains that there are certain basic steps (or actions) that must accompany your recovery if you are going to recovery. I am not so sure if in fact we will ever completely recover, but I have had enough experience to know what the basics to recovering from the addiction that I have. I also know that once I think that I have pretty much recovered from one particular area, I can also see other types of what I would call addictions that arise, if I don’t pay close attention to them than I might let them get away from me and than it could end up being a very serious deal. I will use the phrase or word (Step) here for what I feel is the necessary process for recovery, you can substitute that word with anything that you want, action, phase, it doesn’t matter the word just the results.
Step 1 Toward Recovery

The first step is by far the most important part of recovery. It is the foundation of our recovery and unless we take this step and actually mean it, than there will never be any sort of recovery or the amount of recovery time.

For me I had to admit that I was a hopeless, helpless, homeless, dope fen and that I knew that I was addicted to the substance that kept me trapped in a world of life that I loved. And yet this world in which I love so much was killing me and taking everything away from me. It had taken my wife of 15 years, children, dogs, business, friends, family, etc. The only thing that it would give me back was such things as jail, paranoia, homeless, etc. So I had to come to grip with the fact that if I didn’t want to die, or that I didn’t want the life that I loved (basically for the sex) than I had to give up the substance that was causing so much pain in my life.

So I had to take the first step and that was to give up the substance that was causing all of this pain. Now I know that sounds easy but it isn’t easy at all! There are still times today, that I would love to go get me a bag of dope and get a good fix, but I also know that if I start I can not stop, or knowing my luck I would probably be locked up somewhere for the rest of my life.
Step 2 Toward Recovery

The next step is that what everyone talks about is a Power greater than yourself. But I will not emphasize the word God here.

It has come to my attention this time in my recovery that I had to find something, or someone in order to help me and to listen to what I was going through and to also have someone help me to sort things out. I guess a confidant and I had to completely trust this person or thing with all of my self in order for this to work. I had to let go of all of the thoughts that they will talk about me, they really don’t care, they think that I am nuts :) well that might be true. But the point is that I had to realize that I needed human contact in whatever form that I could get in order to help me to reestablish some sort of communication and interactions.

This Power I don’t have to define, it probably isn’t anything or anyone would assume it to be either. But what I have come to realize that this Power or the way in which I use this Power seems to work out and helps me from all sorts of issues that would have flipped me back into active addiction before. This power can be anything, anyone, or place that you choose, and it is all you have to do….You don’t have to be a holly roller for this deal to work, and you don’t have to call it God, or HP, or Power, you just need to have established something outside of yourself that you can connect with and that is it. Really this is pretty simple if you disregard the religious part that everyone assumes if this makes you cringe. You don’t have to assume that when someone mentions God that they even are using it in the terms of the religious God which helped me to bring my own Spirituality’s into more action that works.

I found this on the Internet today which just reassured me that what I am doing today seems to be spiritual enough to keep me clean I hope that you enjoy it also as much as I did.
Butt Prints in the Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there were seen,

The footprints of my precious Lord,

But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,

And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”

Those prints are large and round and neat,

“But Lord, they are too big for feet.”

“My child,” He said in somber tones,

“For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait.”

“You disobeyed, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know,

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.”

“Because in life, there comes a time,

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”


~~Author Unknown~
Step 3 Toward Recovery

Following through no matter what! OK here is the hard part but the most rewarding if that is really what you want to call it. You have to follow through with the decision to stay off of the addiction that got you to admit that you needed to change, that you didn’t want to keep living the life that you were, or that you were so tired with the legal system that you didn’t want to continue in that life as well. Here is when WE have to take the action and no God on earth or in heaven is going to do this by itself…..

The spiritual literature that I read also makes mention of many things and we all are given free will to do as we will. So with that being said we know that it is ultimately up to ourselves to make sure that we continue to not use dope, alcohol, sex, gambling, whatever it is that you need help with you can not go back to the demon that is bitting you at the behind. If you do or if I do, and I have a lot of experience at this as well, …. we will be lucky if we survive it. Not only that but it will be so much harder to get back any sort of amount of clean time from our addiction once we have broken our recovery process from addiction. It will take a lot more work and each time that we decide to use instead of continuing in the process recovery it gets that much harder to even get recovery from whatever ails us.

We take responsibility for our actions and we made a decision to do something about our addiction and now we have to take the responsibility for our recovery. No one or nothing else is going to do the recovery work for us not even God. It is up to us because we all have our own self wills that we make our own decisions for us. So ultimately we have to take the responsibility to do whatever we have to in order not to return to our addiction in which we are recovering from.

Part One Copyright © Victor W.

written: 2/17/08 ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/313-addiction-recovery.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/195-dual-addiction.html Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:39:47 GMT Drug and Alcohol Abuse It is not unusual for a person to be dually addicted. Meaning, they have drug dependency and alcohol abuse problems. Addiction researchers and treatment professionals... Drug and Alcohol Abuse



It is not unusual for a person to be dually addicted. Meaning, they have drug dependency and alcohol abuse problems. Addiction researchers and treatment professionals have long known that drug and alcohol abuse are strongly linked. In the last decade, research has broadened our understanding of many shared neurobiological and behavioral mechanisms that underpin the two disorders. Yet, while two in five substance abuse treatment patients abuse both drugs and alcohol, the treatment they are likely to receive will target only one disorder. A lack of science-based information on concurrent treatment of drug and alcohol abuse limits the ability of treatment professionals to provide the comprehensive treatment these patients need.

The substantial portion of drug and alcohol abusing patients in community treatment programs provides additional evidence of the need for science based information on treating dual addiction. Patients who abuse both drugs and alcohol accounted for more than 42 percent of admissions to substance abuse treatment facilities. Alcohol abuse is even more likely among patients who abuse certain drugs, such as cocaine, methamphetamine, and marijuana. For example, more than half of cocaine abusing patients who entered treatment also abuse alcohol.

Dually addicted individuals also may combine alcohol and illicit drugs because of interactions between abused substances in the body. Because both drugs and alcohol activate brain areas involved in reward, combining substances may increase these effects. Other alcohol and drug interactions may counter unpleasant effects that often accompany or follow substance abuse. Clinical reports suggest that coca ethylene, a combined cocaine-alcohol metabolite that is formed in the body following concurrent alcohol and cocaine use, appears to reduce the anxiety that can accompany cocaine use. Recent research in rats confirms that coca ethylene plasma levels remain high as cocaine levels fall, producing a delayed, relatively long-lasting rewarding effect that may counter the aversive effect induced when cocaine plasma levels recede.

Recent research suggests that some medications developed to treat drug or alcohol abuse may be useful for treating both problems. This information, along with our increased understanding of the underlying factors that drive drug and alcohol abuse, provides a strong rationale for a coordinated research effort to meet the critical need for treatments for people suffering from both disorders. Coordinated research on dually addicted patients will address the needs of the overwhelming number of Americans who abuse both alcohol and illicit drugs. More than 2.4 million of the 5.6 million people who abused illicit drugs in 2001 also abused alcohol, according to the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse. In fact, the more heavily someone abused alcohol, the more likely he or she was to use illicit drugs, the survey found. In 2001, nearly two of every three American teenagers, ages 12 to 17, who engaged in frequent drinking binges also abused drugs. In comparison, only 1 in 20 young people who didn't drink at all used drugs.

While the perceived benefits of combining alcohol and drugs may play a big part in the high percentages of people who do so, the addictive effects and harmful consequences of both substances increase when they are used together. Dually addicted patients are more likely to drop out of treatment and have poorer results than patients who abuse only one substance. However, since most studies on treating drug and alcohol abuse have examined these disorders separately, drug and alcohol treatment counselors now have little science-based information on which to base their treatment of these patients. Drug and alcohol abuse wreak incalculable damage on individuals, families, and communities. When they occur together, these disorders double the challenge to treatment providers. ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/195-dual-addiction.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/159-feeling-ok.html Fri, 18 Jan 2008 03:51:23 GMT I am feeling somewhat OK again tonight. I went to a meeting again today, I don't think that I got one in yesterday but I have a memory loss that isn't funny :lmao

I haven't really been talking a lot and than I had a issue with my landlord today. He asked me how the rent was coming and I told him that it's NOT> I told him that two months ago I told him about this leak from above, it is a sewer leak, ruined my computer desk and I am not paying rent. He started with his usual crap. I told him that not only that, but the hot water don't work right, the toilet needs fixed, the heater don't heat the place :blah: and he goes, why didn't you tell me LMMFAO I said well why should I...I told ya two months ago and again a month ago about the leak.

Well I was leaving for my meeting at the time and he said something very hateful. I just smiled and left. LOL

So it seems like the Anti-D's are helping me somewhat but you know I still need to work on a lot of issues and one of them is the feeling of being used. I feel as if I treat people right, kindly most of the time and I try to show my appreciation and than it just feels like I get Sh.t upon all of the time and I am tired of it. I almost feel as if I shouldn't even help some people anymore but that wouldn't be right either.

I did PM a few people here today and only got one back.. LMAO I guess that I am not liked here anymore either. Well such is my life and sometimes it really suck.s ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/159-feeling-ok.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/147-keep.html Wed, 16 Jan 2008 16:03:53 GMT >>>> Having taken my Anti-D...]]> Feeling much better now which is good. I don't like it at all when I get into those mental states. LMAO of course I am sure that everyone knows that I am very mental>>>>>

Having taken my Anti-D again today I think that I am on day 4 :thinking: not sure but I am feeling much better. Still have the shame from taking the medications though. I just don't know how to deal with that issue at all. Trying to process it through the steps and talking with others about it seems to help but I am pretty stuck still in some of my ways.

It talks about in the AA Big Book how we have to get rid of old ideals. and that I suppose is one that I really need to work on if ya know what I mean. So I will continue to try and practice the things that have been taught to me...Love and Tolerance of others is our code. LMAO I wish we could change that saying ;) ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/147-keep.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/143-really-slow-here.html Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:51:39 GMT Today has been a better day which is...]]> OK I figured out what I did wrong LMAO of course when I was born I was born blond. Now it is just like dishwater blond ugghhhh and more gray today also LOL >

Today has been a better day which is wonderful. I am so glad that I started to take my anti-d's again this is the third day on them but the only thing that I don't like about them and sorry if this sound bad but they give me the runs LMAO and I have a problem with that. Thank God that I use Charman. LOL

Also I have been started to go to more meetings well I have only been going maybe once a week and I have made one yesterday and just got home from one today. Sometimes to tell ya the truth, it is kinda blah having to go and hear the same crap over and over. I usually don't talk at meetings can you guys believe that! LOL you would have never guest that with all of the post that I have made here. Well even though I was over 9,000 post I can build that up again.

So yeah I am pretty content today. I went and got Chance a pretties treat today. He is such a good friend to me. He actually likes me

Other than that I need to get some house cleaning done but that won't be until later. I need to go get dinner cooked going to have leftovers tonight..... ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/143-really-slow-here.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/133-another-piece-puzzle.html Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:33:51 GMT Well I have been struggling with depression here for quite sometime and last night I figured that either I start taking my meds again or I will be more alone than ever because no one would want to be... Well I have been struggling with depression here for quite sometime and last night I figured that either I start taking my meds again or I will be more alone than ever because no one would want to be around me anyway with the moods that I have been having.

I was on cymbolta (sp) and serequel (sp) for most of my recovery this time and basically for my hep C that I had which I have taken the treatment and it has been removed. So any how I didn't want to stay on the meds (Anti-D's) since they were really for the treatment of the Interferon that I was on. Well I went off of them a little over a month and I can only tell you that my life was getting more hateful and spiteful everyday. Not even wanting to do anything or willing to do anything.

So I figured that I would get back on my meds and I have a appointment with my Doctor next month but I feel that I might need to get on a different Anti-D than what I am currently on. I so struggle with this because of the beliefs that I have been taught and also with the Program of NA or at least my perception of the program and the steps and traditions. So here I am going against my beliefs ughhhh. ]]> Chance http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/chance/133-another-piece-puzzle.html