http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 08:12:42 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11461-yelling-god.html Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:09:52 GMT what do you do when you are SO angry with/at your higher power that you can’t even talk/pray to her/him/it any more? what do you do when you feel so totally abandoned, let down, lied to, kicked... what do you do when you are SO angry with/at your higher power that you can’t even talk/pray to her/him/it any more?

what do you do when you feel so totally abandoned, let down, lied to, kicked in the gut, that you just can’t take it any more?

how do you yell at a supreme being?
how can you possibly win a disagreement with one?

why the f*** isn’t there an appeals process?!

i’m sick to death of bad things happening to me – and around me.
yeah, yeah, i know – things don’t happen TO us, they happen FOR us.
right.
bulls***

i have spent the last week SCREAMING at my higher power. not talking. not praying. SCREAMING.
how f***ing DARE you do this to me?! i have worked SO hard, tried even harder, walked through everything you put in front of me and THIS is what i get in return?

F*** YOU!

it’s not that i don’t have GOOD things in my life. I DO.
it’s not that i am not grateful for every single one of them. I AM.

but this latest bog of quicksand that i am expected to walk thru is just too much.


DO YOU HEAR THAT? IT’S TOO F***ING MUCH!


]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11461-yelling-god.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11458-fear-faith-courage-pain-quotes.html Wed, 15 Feb 2012 02:14:21 GMT The fear of feeling the pain is worse than the pain itself. If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised. – Winston Churchill Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,... The fear of feeling the pain is worse than the pain itself.

If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised. – Winston Churchill

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. – Mark Twain

The basis of optimism is sheer terror. – Oscar Wilde

I’ve found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts . . . because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting. – Robert Heinlein

Faith that hasn’t been tested isn’t really faith at all, it’s merely an opinion. – Douglas Adams

If you are going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. - Friedrich Nietzsche



It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book. - Friedrich Nietzsche ]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11458-fear-faith-courage-pain-quotes.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11435-saving-fish-drowning.html Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:44:26 GMT I’m not really sure WHY – but this simply fascinates me . . . The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and the good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they... I’m not really sure WHY – but this simply fascinates me . . .


The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and the good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding. – Albert Camus

A pious man explained to his followers: “It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. ‘Don’t be scared,’ I tell those fishes. ‘I am saving you from drowning.’ Soon enough, the fishes grow calm and lie still. Yet, sad to say, I am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, I take those dead fishes to market and I sell them for a good price. With the money I receive, I buy more nets so I can save more fishes.” - Anonymous


from Amy Tan’s novel “Saving Fish from Drowning”
]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11435-saving-fish-drowning.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11434-anniversary-pizza-party.html Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:34:53 GMT Today was the great B-day / Anniversary Pizza Party! It was so awesome! Hubby helped get everything ready – cleaning, paper plates, blowing up the medical exam gloves to look like chickens, etc.... Today was the great B-day / Anniversary Pizza Party!

It was so awesome! Hubby helped get everything ready – cleaning, paper plates, blowing up the medical exam gloves to look like chickens, etc. Son + his 5 daughters came and Son’s GF too – I like her, she’s cool. They were coming from 1/2 hour away and the 13yo – Sara – texted me every other minute to update me on their progress – and also to let me know that she was torturing her dad with loud, country music. (He’s strictly rock + roll!) So I had Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock + Roll” all queue-ed up, ready to play for her when she walked in the door. *evil grin*

We had a GREAT time. It was just wonderful beyond words. The 4 youngest ones (11, 10, 8 +6) all vying for my attention, while Sara sat quietly waiting her turn. :D The 4 soon descended on Granpa and Sara and I gabbed pretty much non-stop for the rest of the time they were here – with periodic interruptions of course! *huge grin*

I got my XX chip last night at my Women’s Meeting (way cool!) and I passed it to Son via Hubby and Son passed it to GF. After a few minutes, she brought it back across the room, gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear “I’m in recovery too. I’ve got 10 years this month.” I KNEW I liked her! :D

All these years and I’d never celebrated my sober anniversary before. The last 3 days have more than made up for that. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!

Thanks for reading. :)

Blue
]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11434-anniversary-pizza-party.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11413-20-years-today.html Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:28:44 GMT ME?! OMG – *ME!?* Well, first of all, I am not OLD enough to have been sober that long, thank you very much! I mean come on! I’d have had to get sober at like 3 or something. *geesh!* Seriously.... ME?! OMG – ME!? Well, first of all, I am not OLD enough to have been sober that long, thank you very much! I mean come on! I’d have had to get sober at like 3 or something. *geesh!*

Seriously.

I started drinking at 14.
The 1st time I drank, I nearly died of alcohol poisoning.
How’s that for a clue?
(One of my g-girls is 13 – what a reality check to realize how very YOUNG I really was!)

I was 26 when I decided “Houston, we have a problem” – but it took me 8 years to be able to stop.
Eight. Years.

I was 34 when I was finally in enough physical, emotional + spiritual agony that I crawled into AA – even tho I knew I was NOT “One of THEM.”
But I crawled anyway.

They told me I never had to drink again.
I believed them.
And I didn’t.

There’s way more to it than that but that’s the bare-bone basics of it.
I have never *NEEDED* to drink again.
I have WANTED to –
but I have never *NEEDED* to.

(It turns out I AM “One of THEM” after all.
A fact for which I am profoundly grateful.)

Sobriety has not been all cookies + gumdrops.

A week after my very 1st meeting, a homicide detective called me wanting me to come in to “discuss the death of M.W.” - 3 days earlier.
My best friend.
I’d stood him up to go to an AA meeting. He died of an overdose that night. What a way to find out – by being investigated.

I was INSANE with grief + guilt. People I’d never met before - AA people - came to save me. When I wasn’t in a meeting, I was in someone’s living room, office, car – or in a park, coffee shop with one of them. I was Never Alone. They took care of me and babysat me. They took care of my teenage son. They told me when to eat and when to sleep. They carried me to meetings. Sometimes multiple times a day. They took me to the Police Station – multiple times. They told me if I just DIDN’T DRINK, it would be ok. Somehow, I believed them. I got through it.

Right from the start, I was thrown into the deep end of AA. It saved my life then and it has many, many times since then.

Never doubt this - this disease KILLS. I have lost so very many people to alcoholism + other addictions – to death – to prison. My “baby brother” included.

*~*

Just as people have helped me get thru the rough times, they have helped me celebrate the good times. The gumdrops + cookies!

*~*

I met my dear, sweet husband in AA. We’ve been together almost 20 years. I love him so much it’s disgusting. Funny thing is, he feels the same about me! If you look up “Soul-mates” in the dictionary, there is a picture of us. We finish each other’s sentences + thoughts. It drives son bonkers.

I’ve been privileged to watch my 13yo son (whom Child Protective Services once took from me) go from gangly teenager to grown man and daddy. (and OH! Is he a GOOD daddy to those 5 girls!) There aren’t enough words to begin to describe how proud I am of him!.

I have been truly BLESSED to have FIVE grand-daughters – my g-girls!
They are all such beautiful souls, so full of life + creativity, they sparkle with light – a line or 2 isn’t enough to describe them – I have to leave it at that.

I can never give enough thanks that son + g-girls live only 15 minutes away from me – I get to see them ALL the time! (Can you say “spoiled rotten”?)

These 7 people are the greatest gifts my Higher Power, my sobriety - AA - could EVER have given me. I never could have imagined this when I first crawled into AA. They keep me going..

*~*

When I first got sober, I heard someone say “I know I have another drunk in me, I just don’t know if I have another recovery in me.”

Yeah. What he said.

Life happens. Sober or drunk, life happens.
The difference is that SOBER, I get to be present for it.
THAT is the gift.

Happy Birthday to ME!

:bday7

Blue
]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11413-20-years-today.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11405-i-hate-facebook.html Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:57:09 GMT Since about 2005, I’ve been on facebook as “Blue Moon”. I was never very active – I’d just sorta roam around once in a while. Lately, as my g-girls have gotten old enough to be on fb, I hang out on... Since about 2005, I’ve been on facebook as “Blue Moon”. I was never very active – I’d just sorta roam around once in a while. Lately, as my g-girls have gotten old enough to be on fb, I hang out on their pages to see what they’re up to and to write on their walls. Still not very active at all.

So, the other day, I go to sign in and I can’t. I get sent to facebook’s “help center” “Disabled - Inauthentic account” page:
Disabled - Inauthentic account - Facebook Help Center | Facebook

WTF?

I do some reading and I get to THIS page: (Disabled Account Appeal-ID Request | Facebook



Send you a copy of a gov’t issued ID? Yeah. Uh-huh. Sure. I’m gonna get right on that. Check’s on the mail baby.

But it’s all good. I made up another name and I’m back to talking to my g-girls. *grin*

I hate fb.

Blue
]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11405-i-hate-facebook.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11403-stay-bunch-shopping-5-g-girls.html Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:46:28 GMT When my g-daughters were little, (7, 5 + 4 til they were 9, 7 + 6) I used to take them downtown on Friday nite to the kid/family friendly events. It was a BLAST! But VERY crowded. Instead of saying... When my g-daughters were little, (7, 5 + 4 til they were 9, 7 + 6) I used to take them downtown on Friday nite to the kid/family friendly events. It was a BLAST! But VERY crowded. Instead of saying “stick together!” we called out to each other “STAY IN THE BUNCH!”
“Granma! KT’s not in the bunch!”
“Sara! Get in the bunch!”
They policed each other. LOL
(and I repeatedly counted 1, 2, 3 all nite long!)

OK.

I don’t drive. The state has decreed Mr. Blue CAN’T drive. So when we need to go grocery shopping, my son is kind enough to take us. :drive:

Last Sunday, quite by surprise, we found ourselves with *5* helpers. (now 13, 11, 10, 8 + 6) We’d never had 5 helpers before. This was gonna be a treat! *gulp* I’d slipped son some cash to go put gas in the vehicle and he literally ran out the door of the store – he’d been shopping with all 5 girls plenty of times – He deserted us! :run

So we set out. First thing, we ran into one of my buddies from my women’s AA group and I got to show off My Girls. That was just too cool for words! *big grin*

Then we set off down the aisles and all of a sudden, the one who’d been the youngest at the Friday nite adventures (she's now 10), yells out “STAY IN A BUNCH!” I just cracked up that she remembered! The 6yo + 8yo picked up on it right away – the 11yo followed – the 13yo of course was just a bit too cool for that but she was grinning quite a bit anyway, she remembered!

The 6yo added a new twist that we hadn’t had before: raisins. Granpa walks faster than us girls and got out of the bunch quite often. *shock*
“Oh No! Granpa’s a RAISIN!”
None of us got it and she had to explain in a grown-up 6yo manner: “If you’re in the bunch, you’re a grape. If you’re not in the bunch, you’re a raisin.” :oh:

People would look at us and grin. No one got mad if we were in the way. None us got grouchy or mad. Not even Granpa who was in a bigger hurry than the rest of us. *grin* The 13yo + I talked almost non-stop. How cool is that? Teens don’t usually talk to Granmas the way we talked. :cool3: I felt very honored. The 8yo held onto the cart the entire time. The 6yo stayed busy keeping a close eye out for raisins – mostly Granpa + her 10yo + 11yo sisters. She was SO serious! *grins*

Son’s timing was impeccable. He returned just as we hit the check-out.
“How’d it go?”
“FINE! We had a blast!”
“Really??” Doubtful look.
“Really!” Laughter.

So remember – look out for each other.
Stay in the bunch – don’t be a raisin!

Blue

:Flower: to my girls - may you always be my grapes ]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11403-stay-bunch-shopping-5-g-girls.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11389-sober-anniversary.html Tue, 07 Feb 2012 19:35:36 GMT My sober – AA ! – anniversary is in 2 days – February 9th. I will be sober TWENTY YEARS! That is one year longer than what I drank! I can’t believe it. It can’t possibly be real. I remember when I... My sober – AA ! – anniversary is in 2 days – February 9th.
I will be sober TWENTY YEARS! That is one year longer than what I drank!
I can’t believe it. It can’t possibly be real. I remember when I first came into AA, I thought 5 years was totally impossible and that anyone who said they were sober that long were very probably lying about it. No way can ANYONE stay sober THAT long!
Let alone ME.

Anniversaries have always freaked me out. It starts in mid-January and goes til February 9th and then it’s ok. I start thinking about what I’m gonna say at the meeting when I get my chip. (see – the problems begin when *I start to think*!) What wonderful words of wisdom I will impart on the less fortunate, people-with-less-time – what inspiring things I will say about how I got to this point from where I was? . . . all the kinds of things I’ve heard people say over the years . . .

And I realize – I GOT NOTHING. I have no wisdom. I have no inspirational things to say. I thought I’d be smarter than this at this point. (*thinking* again!) I really thought I’d be IMMUNE to life’s pain and hardships at this point. (again!) I’m not. Every year, that realization seriously knocks me on my butt. The longer I’m sober, the less I know, the more I need AA and my sober friends. Paradox! So, every year, I seriously consider drinking just to make that all go away. I would be a newbie and not expected to know anything! Yeah, what a great solution that would be! Permanent solution to a temporary problem.

In all these years, I have never celebrated my accomplishment. Some years it’s been cuz I’ve felt guilty cuz I’ve done a lot of white-knuckling and ignoring AA as a whole. So what! I’m still sober for goodness sakes!

Anyway. This year I am CELEBRATING and knowing that, making plans for that, has helped the insanity of it all - a bit. It’s not a huge celebration. But it does involve FIVE G-DAUGHTERS, my son + gf, my sweet hubby + PIZZA! All in our teeny, tiny apartment. It’s gonna be a BLAST! (The neighbors will hate it!) (BTW, my g-daughters are 13, 11, 10, 8 + 6. *whew*) My belly button b-day is the 18, so as far as the g-daughters know, this is for my ‘real’ b-day. Right now, it’s just easier that way.

Every time I start getting squirrelly about February 9, I think of them (good thinking for once!) – and my bff, who’s gonna give me her old XX chip at the women’s meeting on Friday.

I really don’t have time to drink today. I have to clean the apartment. :)

Thanks for reading.
Blue
]]> BlueMoon http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bluemoon/11389-sober-anniversary.html