I did.
Well, my bed to be more precise.
Not lately, but during the times I was busy putting the damage on. I think waking up in a wash of your own urine is a pretty good moment to stop and think, "Gee, maybe this is a problem".

It could have been worse-- in college a friend of mine had a one night stand with this girl, and he peed in HER bed. What more effective way is there to make the next morning sufficiently akward?

Regardless, I must stay...

I was so much older then / I'm younger than that now
-Bob Dylan

Warning: Rambling Report Ahead
I've taken melatonin to help me sleep the past few nights. I still have to investigate the potential problems with this, but I will say that it's been an awakening...no pun intended. I'd forgotten what it feels like to feel tired. Really tired, as in yawning and stretching and saying "I feel like going to sleep". It amazes me how accustomed I'd gotten to just shutting...

So I just got a call from several old friends. It's one of their birthdays, and they've been...swimming...deeply. The anchor this calls up is frightening-- I miss these friends, and used to love drinking with them. Hearing their voices turned out to be a HUGE trigger-- I'm itching like crazy to go buy beer.

But tomorrow's my third sober retreat, and I've got it planned. My sobriety's too important to give in to the tempting voices of yesterday.

So I'm keeping myself...

So I've probably come off as nothing but happyshinysunny lately, and admittedly it's in my nature to try to be encouraging to people...to be optimistic...to be positive...

and I'm not going to bitch-- I don't think I have all that much to complain about.

That said, I want to work through some things going through my head.
My core group of friends have all gone to the desert for the weekend, to the house of a mutual friend I don't know that well. I was invited...

This * http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo * is a link to something that's been dubbed "The Last Lecture", by a CMU professor named Randy Pausch.
The Last Lecture series at CMU is an annual event where the school has selected professors give a hypothetical "final lecture"; ie, if they were going to die and could have one hour to impart the most important things they've learned, what would they say?
In Dr. Pausch's case, it's not hypothetical-- he has pancreatic...