I need some advice please.
Posted 06-12-2009 at 09:12 AM by Bigred7
I am in early recovery from blackout alcoholic episods.
My Ex Fiancee is having extreme difficulty. For the first week out I was unable to contact her as we both work together. We have been with each other for two years. We have a very special love for each other. My last blackout caused me to strike her. Very upsetting. I never was a violent person in my past. I have been through two marriages and she has been throgugh three. Both of my ex wives were Bi-Polar. The last one severe where she tried to committ suicide 3 times. She has had abusive relationships in the past and I was the last straw.
Last week she asked me over to her apartment (She moved out of our dwelling). We were to be married this year in October. She continues to tell me she is so very much in Love with me and I know this to be true. I am so in Love with her. Now nothing I say can help. She does not want any help from me. We do talk and have dinner and I attend AA meetings. She is alone in this city and has no friends. Her family is 3000 miles away. She says all the support is for me and she has none. She has a lot of Alanon experience. She is so devistated and does not want me to be out of her life however she does not want me to live with her any more. I stay positive and my alcohol addiction was compounded by having a gastic by-pass surgery 5 years ago. So anytime I drink I blackout and become angry. I have had a lot of mental stress problems this year, new relationship with a normal person who does not need to be fixed. I was always the fixer. I became Compulsively Obssessed with her. I was always right and never wrong. I realize all this now and I also am seeing a therapist. She does not. We have made Love everyday and that is for both of us the most beautiful part of our world. We spiritually connect. She is so down on herself now and is struggling. I want to spend the rest of my life happy with her. I am doing all the programs for me to make it so. I am not a bad person but when I drink, I become very bad. She is so scared that could happen again and I do understand. I have crushed this womans dreams and hopes and I am so ashamed and depressed about it myself. I admitt all fault in this. She wonders why I did it. She was always telling me to stop and I do not believe she understands the nature of the alcohol destroying all thought process. Wow, what a story. Any thoughts?
My Ex Fiancee is having extreme difficulty. For the first week out I was unable to contact her as we both work together. We have been with each other for two years. We have a very special love for each other. My last blackout caused me to strike her. Very upsetting. I never was a violent person in my past. I have been through two marriages and she has been throgugh three. Both of my ex wives were Bi-Polar. The last one severe where she tried to committ suicide 3 times. She has had abusive relationships in the past and I was the last straw.
Last week she asked me over to her apartment (She moved out of our dwelling). We were to be married this year in October. She continues to tell me she is so very much in Love with me and I know this to be true. I am so in Love with her. Now nothing I say can help. She does not want any help from me. We do talk and have dinner and I attend AA meetings. She is alone in this city and has no friends. Her family is 3000 miles away. She says all the support is for me and she has none. She has a lot of Alanon experience. She is so devistated and does not want me to be out of her life however she does not want me to live with her any more. I stay positive and my alcohol addiction was compounded by having a gastic by-pass surgery 5 years ago. So anytime I drink I blackout and become angry. I have had a lot of mental stress problems this year, new relationship with a normal person who does not need to be fixed. I was always the fixer. I became Compulsively Obssessed with her. I was always right and never wrong. I realize all this now and I also am seeing a therapist. She does not. We have made Love everyday and that is for both of us the most beautiful part of our world. We spiritually connect. She is so down on herself now and is struggling. I want to spend the rest of my life happy with her. I am doing all the programs for me to make it so. I am not a bad person but when I drink, I become very bad. She is so scared that could happen again and I do understand. I have crushed this womans dreams and hopes and I am so ashamed and depressed about it myself. I admitt all fault in this. She wonders why I did it. She was always telling me to stop and I do not believe she understands the nature of the alcohol destroying all thought process. Wow, what a story. Any thoughts?
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Comments
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Hi red,
Well, I am a recovering addict from pills. All pills. Mainly ultram/percocet. My father was an alcoholic while growing up, so I have dealt with addiction issues my whole life, And can tell you first hand how his alcoholism affected my life in so many negative ways.
I too came clean with my spouse, my boyfriend whom I live and work with. He also doesn't have family here, they all live throughout the US, so I am all he really has. He DOES NOT understand addiction. He was the college grad, and I was the addict (will always be recovering) so I know how hard it is for you. I had 3 grand maul seizures because of my addiction and lied to my boyfriend about why I was having them (Said I didn't know) broke my nose, cracked my head open, and still took pills. Apparently ultrams cause seizures. I am 24, and had been taking them since I was 17, but it wasn't until last summer that I discovered you could buy them online, no script, just pay cash. Big, big problem. It's ruined my life. The withdrawls were literally hell.
Anyways, we have things in common. Both an addiction, and have both hurt the people we love. But I think the most important thing for you to realize right now, and focus on, as hard as it is, is loving yourself, and learning about yourself. You can't really love someone, if you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself by not drinking/using. I would often black out from the pills. It got bad. I turned into a major bitch too. And everyone around me knew something was wrong, but couldn't put there finger on it. Then I, like you- "blacked out" but instead I had a seizure. And it was so selfish of me, because I terriefied everyone around me, and then lied about it to there face. It sounds like you really love her, and if she loves you, which it sounds like she does, it's just going to take time. She has no trust in you right now. Your going to have to prove to her she can trust you. And love should never hurt, that was sooo wrong of you. My father beat my mom, and she has been divorced from him for 12 years, and is still dealing with it.Posted 06-12-2009 at 09:51 PM by lizzip85
