One year.

So pretty much a year away from where I started. Not drinking, not remotely interested in drinking. I don't even know how that happened. But I also ended up with what I thought was the best year ever. Finally got my dream job, fell in love with what I thought was an amazing person (PhD student, marathon runner, smart, funny, kind, hot)... and now everything is completely on its head again. Found out about six months ago that he was going on CRACK binges. CRACk. WTF? What brilliant, talented person, with every advantage (this guy's family is loaded, he has never wanted for anything, travelled the world, is on full scholarship, straight a's...) then thinks to themselves, "You know what? I think I'll start smoking crack".

So after his fifth millionth relapse (he just relapsed again after four blissfull, amazing months, he loved sobriety, didn't miss a single meeting seven days a week... yet he picked up again for who knows what reason)... I finally hung it up. Just last year, I was trying one wedding dresses, thinking, "oh my god, this is what happiness feels like, I've finally found happiness"... now I'm back to the depths of anger and misery.

So I had to walk away from him, for my own sanity. I doubt myself about it every second of every day. I am lonely, sad, and sobriety isn't a real comfort, but perhaps I am taking it for granted.

I'm just pissed.