day 81
Posted 07-06-2009 at 03:25 AM by Bard
Been a while since I've updated this. Real world has been singing it's Siren song and have no choice but to answer 
Anyway things have been good, I realized the other day when I hit the sober clock that if it wasn't for that relapse back in April I would have a solid 200 days under my belt. Oh well, 81 is is pretty damn good too.
But as I said I've been pretty good, just busy. I had a rough two weeks recently. Mostly brought on by a change in my daily life routine I assume. Since I was out of work for the most part a year and just getting back to working my mind and body had to scramble to adjust to it as well as my everyday routine as well. It's a bit of a challenge since I have to do split shifts once a week but hey what they pay pay me along with these benefits I'll do it!
Though one thing that has been a obsession with me is I find myself daydreaming WAYYYY to much about the past. I swear if I seriously wanted to write a book about every little detail of my life down this would be the moment because I'm remembering everything and everyone these days.Even people I haven't seen in 10+ years that I just use to shoot the **** with at a job or in school are coming back crystal clear as if I just talked to them a few days ago!
At some points it's kinda cool going down memory lane, old times that we're had with old friends. Other times though a lot of regret and shame. Plenty of those I should of could of would of moments keep poping up. Heck at one point I really felt like looking up a old friend of mine from grade school to high school just to call and apologize for ever taking a squeaky clean good kid and nudging him down this horrible path of self destruction and hope he to came to his senses and left it behind. But I decided against it and would feel to weird if I did. I mean who's to say if it wasn't for me he would of never went down the wrong path? By the time we became of high school age if it wasn't my group it could of very easily been another.
But yeah this has been getting a little annoying at times. My mind is all over the past when it should be trying to look at and live for today. This keeps up today is going to be the past and I'll be sitting around wishing I was doing more and then watching tomorrow become the past and just watching the vicous circle go round and round!
Anyway things have been good, I realized the other day when I hit the sober clock that if it wasn't for that relapse back in April I would have a solid 200 days under my belt. Oh well, 81 is is pretty damn good too.
But as I said I've been pretty good, just busy. I had a rough two weeks recently. Mostly brought on by a change in my daily life routine I assume. Since I was out of work for the most part a year and just getting back to working my mind and body had to scramble to adjust to it as well as my everyday routine as well. It's a bit of a challenge since I have to do split shifts once a week but hey what they pay pay me along with these benefits I'll do it!
Though one thing that has been a obsession with me is I find myself daydreaming WAYYYY to much about the past. I swear if I seriously wanted to write a book about every little detail of my life down this would be the moment because I'm remembering everything and everyone these days.Even people I haven't seen in 10+ years that I just use to shoot the **** with at a job or in school are coming back crystal clear as if I just talked to them a few days ago!
At some points it's kinda cool going down memory lane, old times that we're had with old friends. Other times though a lot of regret and shame. Plenty of those I should of could of would of moments keep poping up. Heck at one point I really felt like looking up a old friend of mine from grade school to high school just to call and apologize for ever taking a squeaky clean good kid and nudging him down this horrible path of self destruction and hope he to came to his senses and left it behind. But I decided against it and would feel to weird if I did. I mean who's to say if it wasn't for me he would of never went down the wrong path? By the time we became of high school age if it wasn't my group it could of very easily been another.
But yeah this has been getting a little annoying at times. My mind is all over the past when it should be trying to look at and live for today. This keeps up today is going to be the past and I'll be sitting around wishing I was doing more and then watching tomorrow become the past and just watching the vicous circle go round and round!
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