http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:15:06 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2874-title.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:37:13 GMT Wow. I really need to change my color scheme...it was okay at first, but it's starting to hurt my brain.


I've been having a lot of ups and downs this past week. I'm still not sleeping well. Maybe in a month I can begin to get my med situation sorted...what I'm on now is causing some problems with memory and whatnot (and of course sleep).

As far as I know I'll get to see a real psychologist in about a month. I hope so... ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2874-title.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2850-frustrated.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:16:41 GMT No spirit...no higher power for me. I need people. It's the social being in me.

I cannot describe how loneliness feels...the pain of always having been alone. Yes, I'm a virgin...total. Not even hand holding.

This is the only place I can talk about this without ridicule. Sometimes I think my situations is funny, though. I’m a gay atheist virgin. I technically have no doctrine to hold me back from getting laid…yet I’m still…celibate (ugh…I hate that word). I bet you folks won’t meet anyone else like me ever again.

I'd give anything to experience being with another woman. It's what I need...need...so desperately need...and deserve. I'm not a loner by choice. This is not what I want for myself. I’d do anything to be desirable to someone. I’m mean, geez. All of this talk about self-love grates on my nerves at times. People are shaped by their environments…one’s self esteem has much to do with how one is treated (or ignored) by others. That’s why many of us are here. It’s important to recognize personal responsibility, yes, but I think it is equally important to recognize where the pain comes from. No one person is an island.

I can't help but think about this, especially when it is everywhere...on TV, radio, movies, every day conversation, etc. I'm constantly reminded...and some days it's nearly impossible to bear. I see couples all the time...and it doesn't help. People in ‘love’ or ‘lust’. I'm in lust...all...the...time, and have no one to reciprocate with. Geez, I don't even get hit on by customers at work, no matter how much I smile or how nice I am...but other people get attention that I crave. I'm mean, not that I want attention from customers...it's just the fact that no one is interested...it's depressing and very discouraging. I do everything I can and...well...the reactions I get (or don't get) confirms my fears.

I need some kind of realistic solution to this problem. I love it when people come out with the ‘confidence is everything’ tripe. I’m funny, I laugh, I speak directly to people….shoot, I even flirt sometimes…as best as I know how (I’m not girly at all). I’ve know plenty of people who lack confidence and have low self-esteem…and these folks are not alone. I’ve met fugly people who aren’t alone. WTF gives? I’m pissed off and I don’t know what I can do to make myself sexually appealing. I have lots of appeal for being a friend and someone who people can complain to. People tell me life stories all the time…but no one wants my junk. ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2850-frustrated.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2718-doing-right-thing.html Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:07:35 GMT I'm not doing well. Something's wrong with my meds. I'm going to get it worked out.

When I had a moment of clarity I reached out for help. People know what's going on with me. I had a talk with my mother about the seriousness of this and told her what to watch out for. I gave her the name of my therapist and the phone number she can be reached through.

If I get suicidal I will go to the ER.

Yes, I'm still sober. I have to be to deal with this.

Doing the right thing, reaching out, is actually easy once you do it a few times. It's the suffering part that's hard.

I want to get better...I don't want to stay like this forever. I know this isn't all there is...just surviving through the day...but sometimes surviving is what I have to do.


Hang in there, whoever may be reading this. Reach out for help when you need it. Lean on people who can help. ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2718-doing-right-thing.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2080-greetings-people.html Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:31:45 GMT I really like my therapist. *smiles*

I'm in a really good mood right now. I'm just going to go with it. :)

I hope this lasts all day...I'll do my best to not let anything get me down. :c014: ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2080-greetings-people.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2051-a.html Sun, 05 Apr 2009 13:56:05 GMT Don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while...If I'm quiet I'm probably taking a break. Peace. :wavey: ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/2051-a.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1653-dooooo-doo-doo-deeeeeee-doooooooo-deeeee-doooo.html Sun, 11 Jan 2009 03:05:13 GMT Wow...I'm in a really goofy mood right now. Maybe it's all that caffiene (and sugar).... ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1653-dooooo-doo-doo-deeeeeee-doooooooo-deeeee-doooo.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1266-ooo-boy-quarter-raise.html Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:07:47 GMT Wow...I was offered 1/4 of one dollar extra an hour to stay at my current job...they MUST be desperate, even though they hired about 15-20 new people in the last few weeks. I was told to think... Wow...I was offered 1/4 of one dollar extra an hour to stay at my current job...they MUST be desperate, even though they hired about 15-20 new people in the last few weeks.

I was told to think about it and I could rescind my notice if I would accept.

Hmm...let me think...

I'm worth a lot more than a quarter. I know it, but I have to tell myself to stay strong. I will never improve my life by keeping everything the same, and that includes keeping a crappy job.

Be strong, Bam. You are worth so much more than what you are doing. Keep your head up. ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1266-ooo-boy-quarter-raise.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1214-insomnia.html Mon, 15 Sep 2008 07:50:23 GMT Can't sleep...too much on my mind. I was doing well up until about two weeks ago...now I'm having trouble sleeping AGAIN. I feel exhausted almost all of the time.

I'm going to cut out the processed sugar and stick to fruit juice for a while to see if that helps. Also, I plan to avoid caffiene. The next few days are really going to suck, but what else am I going to do? ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1214-insomnia.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1190-supposed-write-yesterday.html Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:17:56 GMT ...but I took a one day break from the computer. I spent about 3/4 of my paycheck on things that I needed (well, mostly ;) ). At least I didn't gamble or drink or smoke! There was a strong potential for me to go gambling...I thought it through and realized that even losing 20 bucks in 5 minutes would have made me feel terrible. I'm glad I didn't go. ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1190-supposed-write-yesterday.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1173-just-complaining-dont-read-if-you-dont-like-whining.html Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:57:50 GMT I really don't care if anyone reads this. I just need a place where I can put my thoughts down. It's the new me trying to be semi-organized...


Yet another crappy day at my crappy job. I've finally decided that my current place of employment is not conducive to maintaining sobriety. I haven't slipped this time around yet...but I fear I'm close. I smoked one cig when I got home...

It really sucks living with people who always keep alcohol in the house. If I wanted to, I could get really f-uped right now. Good thing I don't have the desire. I plan to move out as soon as I have the means to do so...

...I am not a worthless piece of shyte...

Things I need to do to find a new/better job:

1.)Clean up your space so you can find your old contact information.

2.)Call up old references to make sure you can still use them. (Bam, don't be afraid to do it. The worst they can say is tough turds and kiss off. So what? Do you want to do this job for the rest of your life? No! Then don't be afraid to call. You know you will be glad you did. If worse comes to worst and you can't find anyone, you'll figure out what to do next. You always do. Never forget that and don't give up.)

3.)Work on your resume (in case you actually find a job worth applying to that requires more than a one-page application).

4.)Look in the newspaper, on the internet, and ask around for job prospects.

5.)Go shopping for some decent clothing.

6.)Open up a new account and start SAVING instead of SPENDING. Put it in a place that you will not touch so you can actually buy a car, dumb@$$! Car = better opportunities.

7.)Try really hard to keep your current job until you find a new one. (I know, I know...you were within a hair of walking out today...I can't believe you stayed...wow...you were really PO'd...) ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1173-just-complaining-dont-read-if-you-dont-like-whining.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1164-30-days-today.html Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:34:21 GMT Time is moving so slowly...30 days sober today...I have to do something before boredom sets in and I relapse... Time is moving so slowly...30 days sober today...I have to do something before boredom sets in and I relapse... ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1164-30-days-today.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1147-a.html Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:19:04 GMT Going to my crappy job here in a few...when am I going to get my life together and get out of here? The only hiring requirements for my current job is the ability to drool and having a pulse. ... Going to my crappy job here in a few...when am I going to get my life together and get out of here? The only hiring requirements for my current job is the ability to drool and having a pulse. :e088:


I don't know how much longer I can take this...

I need to get a backbone...I need more confidence...I'm much more capable than I let on...so why can't I do something about it NOW?!

:grumble: ]]> Bamboozle http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/bamboozle/1147-a.html