Frustrated
Posted 11-13-2009 at 09:16 PM by Bamboozle
No spirit...no higher power for me. I need people. It's the social being in me.
I cannot describe how loneliness feels...the pain of always having been alone. Yes, I'm a virgin...total. Not even hand holding.
This is the only place I can talk about this without ridicule. Sometimes I think my situations is funny, though. I’m a gay atheist virgin. I technically have no doctrine to hold me back from getting laid…yet I’m still…celibate (ugh…I hate that word). I bet you folks won’t meet anyone else like me ever again.
I'd give anything to experience being with another woman. It's what I need...need...so desperately need...and deserve. I'm not a loner by choice. This is not what I want for myself. I’d do anything to be desirable to someone. I’m mean, geez. All of this talk about self-love grates on my nerves at times. People are shaped by their environments…one’s self esteem has much to do with how one is treated (or ignored) by others. That’s why many of us are here. It’s important to recognize personal responsibility, yes, but I think it is equally important to recognize where the pain comes from. No one person is an island.
I can't help but think about this, especially when it is everywhere...on TV, radio, movies, every day conversation, etc. I'm constantly reminded...and some days it's nearly impossible to bear. I see couples all the time...and it doesn't help. People in ‘love’ or ‘lust’. I'm in lust...all...the...time, and have no one to reciprocate with. Geez, I don't even get hit on by customers at work, no matter how much I smile or how nice I am...but other people get attention that I crave. I'm mean, not that I want attention from customers...it's just the fact that no one is interested...it's depressing and very discouraging. I do everything I can and...well...the reactions I get (or don't get) confirms my fears.
I need some kind of realistic solution to this problem. I love it when people come out with the ‘confidence is everything’ tripe. I’m funny, I laugh, I speak directly to people….shoot, I even flirt sometimes…as best as I know how (I’m not girly at all). I’ve know plenty of people who lack confidence and have low self-esteem…and these folks are not alone. I’ve met fugly people who aren’t alone. WTF gives? I’m pissed off and I don’t know what I can do to make myself sexually appealing. I have lots of appeal for being a friend and someone who people can complain to. People tell me life stories all the time…but no one wants my junk.
I cannot describe how loneliness feels...the pain of always having been alone. Yes, I'm a virgin...total. Not even hand holding.
This is the only place I can talk about this without ridicule. Sometimes I think my situations is funny, though. I’m a gay atheist virgin. I technically have no doctrine to hold me back from getting laid…yet I’m still…celibate (ugh…I hate that word). I bet you folks won’t meet anyone else like me ever again.
I'd give anything to experience being with another woman. It's what I need...need...so desperately need...and deserve. I'm not a loner by choice. This is not what I want for myself. I’d do anything to be desirable to someone. I’m mean, geez. All of this talk about self-love grates on my nerves at times. People are shaped by their environments…one’s self esteem has much to do with how one is treated (or ignored) by others. That’s why many of us are here. It’s important to recognize personal responsibility, yes, but I think it is equally important to recognize where the pain comes from. No one person is an island.
I can't help but think about this, especially when it is everywhere...on TV, radio, movies, every day conversation, etc. I'm constantly reminded...and some days it's nearly impossible to bear. I see couples all the time...and it doesn't help. People in ‘love’ or ‘lust’. I'm in lust...all...the...time, and have no one to reciprocate with. Geez, I don't even get hit on by customers at work, no matter how much I smile or how nice I am...but other people get attention that I crave. I'm mean, not that I want attention from customers...it's just the fact that no one is interested...it's depressing and very discouraging. I do everything I can and...well...the reactions I get (or don't get) confirms my fears.
I need some kind of realistic solution to this problem. I love it when people come out with the ‘confidence is everything’ tripe. I’m funny, I laugh, I speak directly to people….shoot, I even flirt sometimes…as best as I know how (I’m not girly at all). I’ve know plenty of people who lack confidence and have low self-esteem…and these folks are not alone. I’ve met fugly people who aren’t alone. WTF gives? I’m pissed off and I don’t know what I can do to make myself sexually appealing. I have lots of appeal for being a friend and someone who people can complain to. People tell me life stories all the time…but no one wants my junk.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Hey, I felt and still feel the same way. For me, it's like when i go to the store "how the he!! did he get HER?" i ask myself. And then i feel bad because she picked HIM over ME? "disgusting-a leper" i whisper over and over again. I've only had one girlfriend but more than the sexual outlet, I miss the ability to hold hands and/or smile at just her presence. I somehow have people at work start spilling their guts but I'm like hey I got guts to f*ckin' spill too, ya know? Sometimes I think it's not so much about confidence radiating from you through others' eyes- It's about the REAL confidence that you truly have for yourself and not for a mask. I know that sounds a little preachy and head in the clouds sh*t- but being a loner 90 percent of my so called "Life" so far I can totally relate to how you're feeling.Posted 11-14-2009 at 10:04 AM by pinpoint
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I'm in the same boat as you to, never been hugely social but have enjoyed people in the past, but it seems that people use me since I'm compassionate and listen, then when I show my issues they shut off and even a few of them get angry at me? Ignorant douchebags. I'm also a bi virgin and would LOVE to have some sort of contact with people however it's like they won't even bother for whatever reason. I don't have much to say but you're not alone in feeling this feeling at all.
Oh, maybe I do have something to say. The realistic solution is to stop having douchebags as friends, or maybe upgrade your friends and have those in which you can relate to better. I'm doing that right now, pruning through who's worthy or not to be my friend, and it sounds like an elitist personality but I had a really good night with a bud of mine on friday because of it. Remove the leeches or let them know that you are actually human! You're smart too and people are threatened by intelligence...that's just being realistic too.Posted 11-15-2009 at 01:56 PM by Brentos
