I have never used a needle in my life. Never really wanted to until last week when I was out for that 6 days.
The girl I was hanging with shot heroin.
She had only done it 2 or 3 times before. She wasnt even really sure what she was doing. But us addicts are always willing to be lab rats for the sake of a high.
While she was doing it I was watching her do it with fasination. I was almost getting high watching her.
After she left I had the rest of the needles she bought...

Over the past week I have done a great job of losing my job, my money, my new car, my family, my freedom, my self respect. Which I dont think I had to begin with. I have pretty much lost it all again.
So I sit here waiting to go to treatment tomorrow. With $164 to my name. Which is to go toward anything I may need to take with me and so I will hae some pocket money along the way. Still have knots upon knots in my hair that I cant get out. Still havent even taken a shower. I still stink of...

I really cant begin to explain what happened the past month. It was like I was on autopilot to get high.
I havent been that withdrawn in awhile.
Then one day I just snapped back to reality.
Thank God. I thought I was headed back down that self destructive path for good again.
The last thing I need is to fall back in that mind set like I did around this time last year. I was almost a goner. Those same thoughts were creeping back in my mind.
Where I am as of this...

Heading down the BS path to self destruction. And for the last month I havent even cared. Havent even tried. Havent had any interest or remorse for my actions. I have managed to keep my job and not even miss any days. I really like this job and I cant afford to lose yet another job. But working is pointless if all I am doing is smoking my paychecks.
I have gone to another all time low this round. IA few weeks ago I woke my cousin up about 5am and told her I owed a dealer money so she would...

Bored at work and gives me lots of time to think back and reflect. So I thought I would blog it just to get it out.

I am at the very bottom as far as employment goes. I am not happy about it but not much I can do since the last 13 years of my life have been all about getting high. Also I have no transportation because I beat the hell out of my truck and spent all my money on drugs. So I am not happy but I accept it because I know this is where I am suppose to be and I have to do...