I dont feel like doing $hit. I am tired. I am bored.
I am sick of just going to work and home. Not having a car. Not having any money. No friends that are not in the drug scene. Eating like a freakin pig. No energy. Too dam lazy to even walk around the block. Sad all the time. For no reason. I dont even want to be here typing this right now. I dont want to lay in bed. I just dont want to do anything.
WTF is going on?
Dont want to get high tho. Thats the good part. I think...

Its been awhile since I have had some serious mind racing anxiety.
I dont know why.
I guess between the weekend I had nd just thinking too much.
I found out social services knows I am working now. and they sent me renewals for my medical and food stamps. I make too much for them now. I was going to let my cycle run out and not renew. But they are going to cut it off now. I still had 2 more months of food stamps and 6 mos of medical. With my back the way it is. I am screwed....

I really miss your daily posts!!!

Well..I spoke too soon about the car.
I am now dodging the repo man everyday.
I spotted him Fri night. But since my car was at my cousins. They didnt get it.
Sun morning. Grams goes out to get the paper and runs right into him.
I guess she talked the kid into feeling bad for her and he said just dont say anyting that she saw him. And he even told her what to do so they dont get it. Like when his boss comes looking instead of him.
LOL..Yea grams can work it too....

Yea..I know the drill....But geez..It really gets to me sometimes. the past almost 2 weeks have been drug dreams like crazy every night.
The past few nights have been needle dreams. I have never used a needle before.
So why am I dreaming about it?
I am not actually using in my dreams. Which is great. Because those are the worst. but they are drug dreams all the same.
I got my first check last night. I was so friggin nervous all night.
The thoughts rolled around....