Seems ever since before I was born I have been cheating death. My mom was on her way to have an abortion with me and my dad stopped her.
I remember being like 5 or 6 and camping and I was standing like 10 feet away from a cliffs edge and some kid came and pushed me. I fell to my butt and slid with my feet hanging over the sides. I ran to a bench and wouldnt move. My cousin had to pick me up and carry me back to camp.
Another time when I was 11 same camp grounds. Iw as hiking and...

I cant stop thinking about my ex and how he died. It is one thing to just die. But it is something else all together to be killed. And being killed by just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I know I havent spoken to or seen him in almost 10 yrs. But I laways think about him from time to time. I always loved him.
He is the one who ripped my heart out when our baby died. He didnt come home to be with me. He went out and got drunk and was missing all night instead. While I...

As always with me. Losing a job after relapsing causes alot of stress and obsessing and problems. Not only from the consequences of losing things while relapsing. But in trying to get things back. Financial consequences are always the biggest.
The job market is rediculous. I feel like I am screwed this time.
I have so many things that need to be paid.
Social services requires that you go to their office 3 to 4 times a week to get job seeking training and to fill out 10 applications...

What hell i have been in for weeks now. Self made prison of depression and self pity.
I seriously thought I was giving up.
That was very new for me. I never stay down like that. And definately never that long.
It is a dark, cold, lonely place to be.
Alone in my mind with nothing but regret and sadness.
I dont know what happened tonight. But I just snapped out of it all of a sudden. I read a PM from a really good friend who has been going through some depressing...

I guess I am tired of whining on the boards. And I know everyone is sick of hearing it. So I will whine to myslef here. So long as I can get it out and not keep it in.
Today is the first holiday where my family has been segregated. Why? because of me. My family is the type that will use any excuse to get together and have dinner. Or just get together in general. Any and every holiday, nice warm day or just because. We usually all go to my aunts for dinner. Summertime is a BBQ everyday almost....