I Am Your Disease
Posted 05-19-2009 at 11:22 PM by Angelic17
I AM YOUR DISEASE
You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend
Wishes of misery and heartache I send
I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees
I’m the devil
inside you, I am your disease.
I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul
I’ll become your new master, in total control
I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game
Till your entire existence is crippled with shame
When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise
Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise
But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared
I’ll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared
If you have your own family, Ill see its destroyed
I’ll steal every pleasure in life you’ve enjoyed
I’ll not only hurt you, I’ll kill if I please
I’m your worst living nightmare, I am your disease
I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell
I’ll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell
I’ll chase you forever, wherever you go
And then when I catch you, you won’t even know
I’ll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike
What’s yours becomes mine, cuz I take what I like
I’ll take all you own and I won’t care who sees
I’m your constant companion… I am your disease
If you have any honor, I’ll strip it away
You’ll lose all your hope and forget how to pray
I’ll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare
I’ll reduce you to nothing, and won’t even care
So, don’t take for granted my powers sublime
I’ll bend and I’ll break you, time after time
I’ll crumble your world with the greatest of ease
I’m that madman inside you…I am your disease
But today I’m real angry…you want to know why?
I let all in recovery, entirely slip by
How did I lose you? Where did I go wrong?
One minute I had you…then next you were gone
You just can’t dismiss all the good times we’ve shared
When you were alone…wasn’t it I who appeared?
When you sold those possessions you knew you would need
Wasn’t I the first one who stepped in and agreed
Now look at you bastards, you’re all thinking clear
You escaped with your lives when you found your way here
Only fools think they’re winners when admitting defeat
It’s what you must say when you’re claiming that seat
Go ahead and surrender, if that’s what you choose
But, I’m not giving up. cuz I can’t stand to lose
So stand in your groups and support hand in hand
Better choices will save you…leaving me to be damned
Well, be damned all you people seeking treatment each week
Be damned inner strength, however unique
Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches
Be damned every addict, who back to me strays
For I know it will happen, I’ve seen it before
Those who love misery will crawl back for more
So take comfort in knowing, I’m waiting right here
But next time around, you’d just better beware
You think that you’re stronger or smarter this time’
There isn’t a mountain or hill you can’t climb
Well if that’s what you’re thinkin, you ain’t learned a thing
I’ll still knock you silly if you step back in my ring
But you say you’ve surrendered, so what can I do?
It’s so sad in a way, I had big plans for you
Creating your nightmare for me was a dream
I’m sure gonna miss you…we made quite a team
So please don’t forget me, I won’t forget you
I’ll stand by your side watching all that you do
I’m ready and waiting, so call if you please
I won’t let you forget me…I am your disease
Given to me by Myjoey.
I love this poem.
It's so true
You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend
Wishes of misery and heartache I send
I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees
I’m the devil
inside you, I am your disease.I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul
I’ll become your new master, in total control
I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game
Till your entire existence is crippled with shame
When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise
Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise
But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared
I’ll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared
If you have your own family, Ill see its destroyed
I’ll steal every pleasure in life you’ve enjoyed
I’ll not only hurt you, I’ll kill if I please
I’m your worst living nightmare, I am your disease
I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell
I’ll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell
I’ll chase you forever, wherever you go
And then when I catch you, you won’t even know
I’ll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike
What’s yours becomes mine, cuz I take what I like
I’ll take all you own and I won’t care who sees
I’m your constant companion… I am your disease
If you have any honor, I’ll strip it away
You’ll lose all your hope and forget how to pray
I’ll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare
I’ll reduce you to nothing, and won’t even care
So, don’t take for granted my powers sublime
I’ll bend and I’ll break you, time after time
I’ll crumble your world with the greatest of ease
I’m that madman inside you…I am your disease
But today I’m real angry…you want to know why?
I let all in recovery, entirely slip by
How did I lose you? Where did I go wrong?
One minute I had you…then next you were gone
You just can’t dismiss all the good times we’ve shared
When you were alone…wasn’t it I who appeared?
When you sold those possessions you knew you would need
Wasn’t I the first one who stepped in and agreed
Now look at you bastards, you’re all thinking clear
You escaped with your lives when you found your way here
Only fools think they’re winners when admitting defeat
It’s what you must say when you’re claiming that seat
Go ahead and surrender, if that’s what you choose
But, I’m not giving up. cuz I can’t stand to lose
So stand in your groups and support hand in hand
Better choices will save you…leaving me to be damned
Well, be damned all you people seeking treatment each week
Be damned inner strength, however unique
Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches
Be damned every addict, who back to me strays
For I know it will happen, I’ve seen it before
Those who love misery will crawl back for more
So take comfort in knowing, I’m waiting right here
But next time around, you’d just better beware
You think that you’re stronger or smarter this time’
There isn’t a mountain or hill you can’t climb
Well if that’s what you’re thinkin, you ain’t learned a thing
I’ll still knock you silly if you step back in my ring
But you say you’ve surrendered, so what can I do?
It’s so sad in a way, I had big plans for you
Creating your nightmare for me was a dream
I’m sure gonna miss you…we made quite a team
So please don’t forget me, I won’t forget you
I’ll stand by your side watching all that you do
I’m ready and waiting, so call if you please
I won’t let you forget me…I am your disease
Given to me by Myjoey.
I love this poem.
It's so true
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Angelic,
Thanks for posting this to your blog. That describes perfectly what lives and works inside me. I have seldom related so completely to something. It's strange. Even though I've relapsed, when I'm not sick and I'm not high, I have to tell myself that I need help because I don't feel like I'm an addict. But when I read this, it didn't matter that I was feeling normal. It spoke directly to me. I couldn't deny that.Posted 05-24-2009 at 09:48 PM by christin1225
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Dont know if you are still around but thanks for posting this it describes my disease also and where i am today i am a compulsive gambler and i am being controlled by this illness i have relapsed and cant pick myself up and go back to the g.a meetings or read e-mails or choose to recover only self destruction it seems i have been on my knees many times and am once again i must love the misery and my thoughts are all wrong but i cant help but listen i am riddled with guilt and shame emotions i have none only the poor me`s i have this ******* inside me and he wont give me a chance he gives me only pain time and again he tells me i have no choice he turns my family against me and me against my family and anyone else that annoys him he makes me live in a me against them world he tells me to do things that are unnactceptable he says i have no choice he tells me i am a bad person there is no point in recovery i am a hopeless case you know i am one of the ones that cant stop so no point in trying he tells me no one cares for me so best to be myself when i get angry with him he tells me next time it will be different will be able to pay all the money i owe and then i can go back to meetings and stop for good but every time its the same outcome and then he is stronger and i am weaker and he has me where he wants me that is how i feel just now i have some hope coming here today i know he does not like it i hope i am not going insane but thats where i am........ think its called a relapsePosted 05-28-2010 at 04:48 AM by scottie -
That was just great. It fits into everything that I have been struggling with and puts it into perspective.Posted 05-29-2010 at 01:43 PM by mapletree -
That is a powerful poem! Took me right back to when I was separted from my AH and going through terrible depression. I wrote something akin to this. I did alot of writing then, just for me, just for therapy. Now if I could only be a songwriter and put it to music! Thanks for passing it on. I am debating whether or not to print it and show it to my AH, but at this point, I have no business doing anything. I told him I was done and I need to stay out of his disease process. He wouldn't "get it" anyway. Best of luck to you and the other posters. Don't give up on yourselves!Posted 06-27-2010 at 06:23 AM by Wittss -
OMG!!! That was absolutely awsum. Sell it to eminem! You could be rich!! LOL Thank you!Posted 08-28-2010 at 11:55 PM by kaymess - Amazing poem - so true
Thank you for sharingPosted 08-28-2011 at 09:52 AM by wantthistostop
