http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/ Online Support Groups for Addicts, Alcoholics and their Family, Friends and Loved Ones. Thu, 16 Feb 2012 00:26:08 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/ http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1765-fifty-more-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-me.html Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:11:43 GMT 51. i like walking around in my underwear.
52. its fab when you wake up and your hair is already perfect!
53. boiling showers in winter, cold showers in summer.
54. but never baths, they're disgusting.
55. i prefer songs that arent the latest thing.
56. if i dont let you in you wont let me down.
57. i probably dont like you.
58. i dislike most of the human race, but those i like know who they are.
59. i've been told im awesomely strong
60. i've seen things a normal woman wouldnt have seen
61. and done things.
62. i can act my age.
63. and sometimes i'm immature too.
64. i'll never forget where i came from, or what i've seen.
65. because it built me.
66. i dont believe in god.
67. when people say "you have to believe in something" i say "i chose to believe that god doesnt exist, thats still a belief isnt it?"
68. there's multiple reasons i dont believe in god.
69. im against all governmental control & will scream it from the rooftops
70. i will stand up for my rights always an use my voice cos i can & u wont stop me!
71. i want a tattoo on my wrist that says "forever".
72. and it isnt just some pointless tattoo, it does have a meaning.
73. & i want angel tattoed on the back of my neck
74. because i know i can fly, in a nonliterall manner.
75. i like guys in bands.
76. or guys with tattoos.
77. and i wont say no to a guy with piercings either.
78. especially dislike people telling me im not gracefull. LOL! i did ballet an still do
79. things i say tend to get taken the wrong way.
80. but try and assume the best with me, because lately im trying not to be nasty.
81. which means if you think im being nasty, im probably not trying to be.
82. i read, a fair bit.
83. i am not an illiterate ****.
84. i hate people who tYp3 Lyk d!z$.
85. english was invented for a reason, stop trashing it.
86. im loud, out going, a little bit in your face.
87. i act like i think im all that.
88. but im actually completely and utterly insecure.
89. and i have more faith in others than i have in myself.
90. i try to be positive, but the worlds a negative place.
91. oneday, in five or ten years, i want to go to europe.
92. i might live there, ill decide later.
93. whern i move away from here im pretty sure that ill just become a memory to most of my friends. except rex and a few others.
94. but thats okay, because i'll be one of the best memories they have.
95. and i know they'll always be there if i need it, but sometimes keeping in touch long distance is hard.
96. so has been proven.
97. i will go to uni.
98. what i'll do i dont know.
99. but im leaning towars something in presentation, english or literature.
100. and i just wrote fifty MORE things you probably didnt know about me. ]]> All About Love http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1765-fifty-more-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-me.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1764-50-things-u-wouldnt-know-bout-me.html Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:04:54 GMT 1. i like cow print just about anything.
2. i want totravel australia in a campervan
3. i probably wont though dsue to the rising cost of petrol
4. at my wedding i want diana ross' "what the world needs now (is love)" played
5. if i get married, becuase i cant really see me committing to something that huge
6. at my funeral i want "angels"- sara mcglaughlin at the beginning and "i dare you to move"- switchfoot at the end
7. and i obviously i will have a funeral.
8. i dont plan on staying here for much longer.
9. i have commitment issues.
10. i dont trust easily
11. but i can stop trusting you easily.
12. i hate women that act like idiots
13. especially because theres a guy in a hundred metre radius.
14. there are more important things in life than guys (most of the time)
15. i have mind blanks, like right now for instance.
16. i have a high iq, but being average is just easier.
17. i try my hardest to tell the truth.
18. and i dont like to break promises.
19. or go behind peoples backs.
20. but sometimes there are things you cant help.
21. often, i put others before me, and i usually end up worse off for it.
22. but i care about my friends way too much, more than they know i think.
23. ill never be happy with me, just as i am.
24. and i dont understand girls who are amazingly pretty but think they're ugly. are you blind?
25. and i hate it when people say theyre fat, despite the fact they're a size six. stop being attention seekers.
26. heat gives me a headache. like right now.
27. im SUPPOSED to wear glasses, but i lost them.
28. before i lost them i wore them though, and they were sexy :)
29. im not into hip hop, or rap crap, but i'll always love justin timberlake.
30. my cat had kittens, two of them were boys and rangas so my daughter called them fred and george.
31. but then my neighbour decided to take george and she changed his name to simba.
32. i study an do it well
33. im opinionated, deal with it
34. there is only one person i can see myself with right now.
35. and it wont happen.
36. i have a middle child and her name is mercedes. shes never around so people dont know she exists.
37. i usually like to keep it that way.
38. i love my other two more.
39. i have a best friend. her name is beki oliver. she has no middle name, and no one has ever understood me better, minus maybe mark ( he is dead now).
40. i am astonished that i'm only up to 40.
41. i like to use big words.
42. i hate crap spelling.
43. i love it when its sunny/hot but its raining.
44. i hate cold weather.
45. i want to go to the snow, right now.
46. i have to get up in two hours.
47. i used to be a size six
48. I hate the way americans (most of m not all of m)believe everything they read an watch on tele, an are self righteous
49. i love it when people are spontaneous.
50. i dont like valentines day, xmas or easter. all excuses to spend $435873298729 for nothing. but im not denying that i like the gifts ;) ]]> All About Love http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1764-50-things-u-wouldnt-know-bout-me.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1731-what-i-reckon.html Sat, 24 Jan 2009 12:14:50 GMT Lets talk about guilt & shame!:jail

So i find myself at a Female members housewarming today, infavct, she would'nt accept no for an answer. I guess ive known her a long time in reality, so she's seen many of the different faces of Nik, she also has seen the huge shift in me, my persona...so she knows im nothing but real, my emotions, good & not so good are worn like an armour, out there & in ya face!
Well here's whats been going on for me.
(& people spurt all the cliches & realities at me, thats good an ok though the facts of what im dealing with in my life remain the same, & some i have no control over how long it takes to deal with it.

As you know i have a 5year old boy, Jai.
Well, i was in the rooms but dwelling on the fringes at the time i conceived Jai, also out there sexually.
So to cut a not so boring but long indeed, story out, Jai has two possibilities of whom his father may be, Now one of those percentages swings heavily towards one guy, who happens to be one of my best friends for the last 14years.
Wonderfull one might think,
except for the whole lying to him thing about Jai in the first place back when i was pregnant! yerrrrr....In all fairness, he had said that if he found out that Jai was his he would so me for sole custody, so i was terrefied.
We all say things in a initial reaction mode that we sometimes do not mean in any way & since that time we have come slowly back together, combined our families much deeper yet Rex an i share no relationship as such in the sense of being "together"
During the time of my using he was not in my life for quite a substial period until i made contact over a few months irregularly as i was getting myself ready to re enter the rooms an i wanted his support, now its different, time has passed quickly, people i knew an respected & who respected me are back getting close to me & rex is an incredibly huge part of that to me, my eldest was 3 when i met him an we had a relationship for over two years & never really stopped actually!
we just changed & followed our journeys until we joined together yet again.
Now Jai is a very visible daily prescense to rex an heaps of other that were around when Jai was born( thats a beautiful story that one,,4 another time though) & the resemblences between them are noticeable, old friends are asking me if he is rex's, new friends too.
It's been ripping me apart inside i can tell you, "I do'nt know though that possibility is very real" is my answer to the question.
COS it is an honest programme, so i work my programme & fukin hell, i open up a huge can of worms that im totally sure im no where near ready to deal with!
3 women know the whole story of REX & Nikky,
they have said to me its all about fear& i know they are right, im petrefied of losing the man i know in rex, every other part of our interactions are totally honest & it is undermined by that one really huge dishonesty.
I have keep a father be him or the other from their child for 5years!
how fukin selfish is that
fear or no fear....
The other thing i know for sure is when im being asked the question, so is he.
So yea its all nicely in the open now it semms, Not!
Others are aware, We, well im agonising over it in huge ways & he has gone silent, the car ride home from last nights meeting was confusing & silent to the bigger degree.
I asked him if there was something he wanted to discuss we me & he said very lovingly,
"yea, i want to but i wont because i will just make a **** up of things at the moment so i needa leave it alone for now"
When i arrived at home an was about to get out. he didnt hesitate to kiss me .
our normal everyday thing we do so that was normal,
yet my gut kept saying "he knows nik, he knows."
I asked him "are we ok? you n i?"
"we will be.." he replied
today he wasnt answering his phone, well i only rang once, though we were actually meant to be going to heathers HW together at 2.30....he txt me at 2.16 saying he had a tummy upset & wouldnt be going an apologised.
I know he needs time for his awareness of the reality of "our stuff" , time to process, its a course we all have to take in the recieving of or realisation of something that changes things for you in a large scale.
everyone has these times, every one.
I am waiting for the light though! FFS! dont they know they have to process their stuff an hurry on so i get answers!
NOW!!
Ofcooooouuuurse they dont!
I may joke or sound blazae at moments, i even laugh at myself sometimes...i have to guys or i would be a totally fukt up unit, im well on the way back from being slightly fukt up...
Man o man have i made some doosy decisions in the moment riddled by fear!
& i have one or two oe three of these kinda messes left now im clean to pick up the peices of an form the picture, not only for my own sanity an well being, also for that of my family who i love an would die for, also for my friend, rex, i owe him that, i love an adore this guy, our families have been united for so many years...So yea, guilt & shame?
i getchya ]]> All About Love http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1731-what-i-reckon.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1694-thankful.html Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:00:00 GMT u dont feel like that u dont feel like that ]]> All About Love http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/blogs/all-about-love/1694-thankful.html