For the first time...
Posted 02-22-2008 at 10:16 PM by AbsentFriend
I'm the bigger ******* in the relationship.
On the one hand, if it weren't for going to my boyfriend's NA meetings, I might not have had to confront my own issues. If it had to happen, better sooner than later.
On the other hand, as patient and hard-working as he is on his own recovery, I know without a doubt that if we break up, it will be almost entirely my fault, because of my warped thinking and reactions.
I've been working as hard as I can since I discovered that I belong in ACA, but I have to face the possibility that I can work as hard as humanly possible and it still might not work out with this wonderful human being.
At least if that happens, I will finally be able to release all of this pent-up anger. Because right now, I don't know what to do with it (road rage, anyone?).
Today in the shower, a hotter-than-usual shower, I actually got down on my knees, closed my eyes, clasped my hands together and said in my head, "I give up. Thy will be done," over and over.
I know things happen for a reason. But I can surrender AND still hope for what I want, can't I?
On the one hand, if it weren't for going to my boyfriend's NA meetings, I might not have had to confront my own issues. If it had to happen, better sooner than later.
On the other hand, as patient and hard-working as he is on his own recovery, I know without a doubt that if we break up, it will be almost entirely my fault, because of my warped thinking and reactions.
I've been working as hard as I can since I discovered that I belong in ACA, but I have to face the possibility that I can work as hard as humanly possible and it still might not work out with this wonderful human being.
At least if that happens, I will finally be able to release all of this pent-up anger. Because right now, I don't know what to do with it (road rage, anyone?).
Today in the shower, a hotter-than-usual shower, I actually got down on my knees, closed my eyes, clasped my hands together and said in my head, "I give up. Thy will be done," over and over.
I know things happen for a reason. But I can surrender AND still hope for what I want, can't I?
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