I know I shouldn’t be sad, I mean I’ll be heading back in one month. Four weeks. It’s nothing to be too heartbroken about. I’m going home to all my friends. My old life. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard. My old life. Not my new life. My new life is here in Vancouver. I’ve built this whole new life, I’m different now. I don’t want to go back anymore. I miss my friends more than anything...but I’m scared that I won’t fit in the same way as I used to. Things have changed so much. I’ve been gone a year....

Why are you trying to believe him...believe the best in him? You watched him pack up his bong and his pipe to go off for a day of school work and classes. Do you really think it's so no one will find it in his room? Of course not. You know better. If he can break his word, when he swore on his sister...nothing matters. Nothing will ever get any better. He's changed his story regularly. It's over. Get over it you stupid child.

Stop texting him. Stop letting him get under your skin....

Bad girl! Why are you doing this!? Stop it. You're trapping yourself you stupid child. You know that. Nothing has changed and you know that. Don't listen to him. Don't let it change anything with you. You can't. You've been doing so well! Things have been great. You've been happy. Things haven't been this great since before the drugs took him away. I know you want it to go back to that way, but it never will. It just won't. Get used to that. You will NOT be hanging out with him. He's sweet talking...

In the last year, there's been times where I felt amazing, but it wasn't healthy, and it was never truly happy. Today, I felt better than I have in so long. Today wasn't anything special..I mean, I woke up, talked to my best friend that is in China, got ready, went to a friends to do homework, went out for lunch, went to class, had a cute guy ask me out, found out that my tattoo sketch is ready, somehow survived a boring class and came home. Since then I've been bored out of my mind. So why exactly...

Wow. It's almost been 16 years...

I still think about you everyday. It still hurts like hell, everyday. I try as hard as I can to remember more...but I just can't. And it hurts.

I try to be strong. Not to cry. To be okay with it. I can talk about it now. But it still stings like hell to see other people happy, like I never got to be with you.

Sometimes I wonder..how different my life would be if you were still here. Would I be stronger? Weaker? Would...