So how do I figure out if my cold feet are a symptom of a red flag waving somewhere in the inner psychy... or just a blip before a healthy transformation into a new life with the man I love?

I have to get this figured out. Its rather become critical at this point because I dont want to move into our new home and have these lingering questions.

And also.... Nick. The honesty policy that we share revealed my confusion to him, and now he feels guilty that I am lost...

I will trust Monday to be a no drinking day, oh alcohol that is, seltzer tastes great today, after my coffee! Slept better last night, was horribly tired yesterday from early wake up. Been trying to accomplish stuff I've put off. Then a bit of exercise, etc. Onward to 7 days.

Well, at least I got some things around the house accomplished. Hope to get sometime outdoors, always seems to improve my mood.

Everyone seems to be in agreement on what it is that has been plaguing me lately; silly and ridiculous and completely normal 'cold feet'.

The month of April has been filled with so many new things. My dad met Nicks parents for the first time. We spent out first holiday together as a family. If my mom had been there it would have been perfect. I miss her. I wish more than anything she could have got to know him. Nick says our moms are like sneaky guardian angels now...they are probably...

Today has been a day of feeling like I have so many things to do, I just get overwhelmed, lash out at my spouse and shut down. Managed to pull myself together and finish the day on a more positive note, but, it took effort. My usual answer would have been a slow burn and possibly drinking...glad I went through the unpleasant feelings and came out ok in the end. My spouse doesn't want me to drink, but, he also wants a happy, happy all the time, no matter what. Doesn't work that way for me sometimes...