So I finally relapsed because I was never intending to truly follow through with sobriety. For awhile, I thought that without dope, any dope, in my system things would get better. Obviously, I was totally missing the point on staying clean- dealing with life on life's terms without substances coursing through my veins. I realized for the first time that my lifestyle is one of havoc and disdain. I see a break in the clouds now. I am finally realizing the behaviours I thought I would overcome...