I'm not doing well. Something's wrong with my meds. I'm going to get it worked out.

When I had a moment of clarity I reached out for help. People know what's going on with me. I had a talk with my mother about the seriousness of this and told her what to watch out for. I gave her the name of my therapist and the phone number she can be reached through.

If I get suicidal I will go to the ER.

Yes, I'm still sober. I have to be to deal with this....

I have slipped a cog in my sanity, bummer. I snap back and forth like a flag in a strong wind between content and panic. Today, at this moment, I just don't know. Wtf am I doing? Who the fvck am I. And because I don't know, I want to glom on to someone who does, latch on to some artificial identity. AA is the way I have been leaning, but oh what a taste it leaves in my mouth. "lost? hopeless? confused? Come through our doors, work our steps, let us work on you and we will provide you with all...

Well, I just picked an avatar. I picked it because I do take myself ridiculously seriuosly and it is something I really need to work on in my recovery. I need to lighten up! This is difficult to do when you are used to being serious all the time....there I go again! bing serious about not being serious....

bah!

I shouldn't. I don't even know why I am. Yeah, it's the self pity whoa is me sh*t. I'm blogging while waiting for a phone call so I can score some morph. Got some klonopin and xanax coursing through my veins. Waiting,waiting....

Right now I should be at my niece's first birthday but I'm waiting and getting impatient. I waved to my mother as she drove by me the other day. She thought I was going fishing or to the store. I waved back and faked a smile. Mom, everything is all right....

Recovery and Addiction Mini-Essay Two:

"All the Cool Kids are Doing it!"

These seven little words by themselves, alone, they mean less than nothing in the scheme of how the universe works. But, together these seven little words can be the harbinger of any number of horrible situations for whoever they are directed toward. When one thinks of these words often the image is of teenagers smoking pilfered cigarettes in the school restroom during skipped classes....