the promises: my take

[tramp]

i was thinking of someone who once blasted me and said i had a bad program.
i don't know what that meant, but i think it meant i wasn't interpeting the big book as they would like me to , or in the proper light of their religous convictions.
when i came into the program all i wanted was to be like other people.for the folks who found god, moved to la la land, or became bodhisatva, groovy, good for you.
what fascinated me was that the compulsion could be " lifted " from me if i followed a few suggestions. that was what i wanted.
so i tried it and it worked.
i have recently been in alot of pain from some old injuries. the docs prescribed vicodin. i took 2 a day for 50 days. after starting my pt i stopped cause the pain got less. that was all.
i stopped.
that is the promises fulfilled for me. all the rest is gravy.
12 years ago i would never have contemplated stopping. it wasn't in my nature. i wasn't capable.
when i think of the program i always remember these lines from the big book " having found a perfect release from alcoholism ( through prayer and meditation) why then can we not use this method in all our affairs? that is a mystery known only to the mind of god"
forgive me , the quote isn't exact, but i haven't picked up my book in a few years and i don't go to meetings. alcoholics still stumble in and out of my life never the less , and i do what i can and send them to you.
for me this is chopping wood and carrying water.
i spent years giving at the tables, now
god doesn't speak through me much. that's ok.
not that he wont ever again. i can really relate to what Gooch said about being the stenographer. i know exactly what that means.
now days i wrench on my sled and bury people. i have plenty of time to admire the beauty of life and nature. if it's a bad program that's ok. it's enough. i am a part of this strange little community that has accepted me for who i am. they even have me direct traffic for their parades. so i guess i am also a productive member of society. though if i was still clubbing i would also be a productive member of A society.
my daughter is the most beautiful person in my world. she is the only person i have ever known who is always genuinly happy to see me. she always has a smile for me.
the past is still the past. i can't rip it out of me and still be me.thats ok.all this stuff is just gravy. what i have is strength and faith.
what i needed most and prayed over endlessly in early recovery. the faith to have faith.i have given up telling my story, it's too long and it does no good, few can relate. but i still hang out, injecting humor when i can, and once in a great while someone comes along that i can reach.
god put me in a hard place there. we sense similaritys in each other, like we can smell each other out. and he sent me the hopeless, the homeless, the most broken of the earths children. and i did my best. but they are hard to reach, and so many died.
i feel like this is my healing time, and it may take the rest of my life. i may never do anything meaningful again. that's ok too. dave is wanting breakfast. coffees done and im out of smokes. time to go shovel out the truck, later

[Gooch]

was thinking of someone who once blasted me and said i had a bad program.

a) they were off teh hook
b) they meant you are a bad ass with a program


you got snow? I should have run the blower over to you. I've only used it once this year.

I'm glad to hear your pt is helping.. shovel? ugh.. I gotta lose this belly and set up my weight bench. Like Doyle Branhall says "I'm doing pretty good for teh shape I'm in"

[tramp]

looks like about 5-6" so far, wet stuff too.
oh well, we've been lucky so far this winter.
some old hippie told me Feb was gonna kick butt, something about the bands on the woolie bears??
looking at weight benchs my self haven't really lifted in about 10 years.
saw a bowflex in the paper for 300. but was between paydays.
kind of put it on hold till the pt is done.

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by tramp

...and once in a great while someone comes along that i can reach.

You reached me today, tramp. Thank you.

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by tramp

i have given up telling my story, it's too long and it does no good, few can relate. but i still hang out, injecting humor when i can, and once in a great while someone comes along that i can reach.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through....No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others." Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Ed. (pgs. 83-84)

The trick is, we never know how our experience can benefit others. Sometimes it's on-the-spot, where a fellow drunk hears something they relate to, and makes a decision that paves the way for solid recovery. Often, it's more in the line of "planting a seed," and we may be long gone from that person's life before the seed takes root and grows. Either way, sharing our stories helps others.

A couple of examples, from my own E,S & H:

The first free-world AA meeting I ever attended was in a small city in central Nebraska. I was 19 or 20 at the time, already on my downward spiral, but the room I walked into was filled with men in their 60s and 70s, who seemed determined to ignore me. I thought for sure this AA thing was a mistake until, just before the meeting began, a fellow of about 40 walked in. He noticed me, and smiled and bobbed his head to bid me welcome.

As the discussion went around the table, the old men were all saying "I'm so-and-so, and I'm an alcoholic, and I pass." Doom and gloom everywhere! Then the friendly guy spoke up, and man, what a difference! He talked about how good life in AA was, and how much things had changed for him.

It took a couple of years, but the seed that guy planted that night took root in me and, God willing, is still growing today.

Then there was the time I drove my original sponsor, who was terminally ill, to a speaker's meeting at a group I'd never attended before. When the meeting was over, a young woman approached me, and asked my name. I introduced myself, and she said "I thought that was you!" Then she proceeded to tell me about how something I'd shared at a meeting seven years earlier had helped her repair a rift with her parents, and how much the changes in those relationships meant to her in her sobriety. I couldn't remember ever seeing her before, but somehow, something I said impacted her life.

I'm not your sponsor, and it's not my job to tell you what to do, but, for myself, if I don't share my story, I'm failing my responsibility to those past, present, and future alcoholics who help me stay sober.

[best]

for me this is chopping wood and carrying water.

and for those who are thirsty and cold... your efforts do wonders.

It takes all kinds. Some are teachers, some are preachers, and many are the backbone that keep things going. No one is an island. We need those who plant as well as those who cultivate.

Just like that parable of the sower... some seed falls on the path, some in the thorns and some on the good soil.
Just keep planting and the seeds that will grow, will grow.
Your covering your corner of the world. You reach people that others could never reach.
For me, I say you are doing a wonderful job of chopping wood and carrying water.

[best]

Originally Posted by tramp

looking at weight benchs .... bowflex

AHHHHHHRGH! *LOL*

If you know how to use free weights...stay with the bench.
Bowflex is taking up space where the bench once was. I need go to the basement for the bench. Bowflex won't fit down there. I would rather use the bench then the bowflex any day.