Wandering

[TonyB]

As the days click by and my mind gets clearer and clearer I reflect back into my drinking history and see more signs of insanity. How I would set up my next big drunk or the self justification I used to rationalize my behavior. These images that used to cause me guilt and remorse appear in a different light today. Today it’s my reaffirmation that I’m doing the right thing and that the turnaround in my life, was in the nick of time before I sank into the abyss. I went to a lot of trouble to peruse my disease. And even though the sometime exorbitant cost didn’t seem so at the time. Now, in retrospect it seems it cost way too much. I guess the fact of the matter is; it took what it took to get me here.
I have often heard said “It is easier to stay sober than it is to get sober.� And today, I know what that means. Today I spend my time doing the “do’s� and not being so concerned about the “do not’s�.
I am currently deployed and find that I have a lot of time to myself. This is the first time in sobriety that I have been in this situation. So I fill my days reading one of 4 books (Big Book, 12x12, ABSI or The Language of the Heart). I also have time for personal reflection and I have been trying to “improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power.� You may call this either Prayer or Meditation. The end result is; I am getting in touch with the man that I lost so long ago when I was a boy. I am also getting in touch with my HP. I’ve been seeing the world in a whole new light and the fear and frustration seem to be slipping away. And as I was saying, I also realize that I could pick right back up where I left off. If I were to have that first drink. And that the insanity would run to the 10th power over me. Once again, I would be a lost soul roaming the earth with cross-bone eyes.
My sponsor has told me many times, “Be still and know.� And I would like to reply to say this. In the quietness of the mind lies the One True Voice. The Voice of wisdom and peace. When I am still in my soul, He speaks to me. Today, I am but a humble servant. Thank you God.
Uncle Tony

[best]

The insanity I see when I look back
Things that any rational thinking person would know can't be done or shouldn't be done.
The thinking that no one would know or see my actions, because I am covering my tracks so well.

What my past does as I think on it... make me all the more grateful that I am now sober.

I only carry one book these days. It has all the info that any other book would have(just need know where the info is)
The books you carry are ready refferences that get right to the issues.
For me, the bible does the same but it also teaches me in all other areas at the same time.

All are good books for staying sober... if the info inside is put to proper use.

Now if I only kept the registration for the bike, I could clear out a few cob webbs with this warm weather we have been having.