relapsed again

[steve6674]

I need some words of encourgment, I have to do a first step again tomorrow.

I am back to a liter of vodka a day, why wtf I already have the warning signs of cirrosis at 35, lost the love of my life my bike, why why do I ******* drink?

I thought the teeth fixing would help 12k yeah I have that lying around I would have another bike......

someone please help guide me......I am going to a biker aa meeting tomorrow I need a sponsor who will kick the **** out of me I am a german hard headed sob. I am lost again ****!

[Freedom1990]

Recovery is possible. I threw 4 years of recovery out the window once upon a time. When I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I drug my pathetic carcass up that long flight of steps to the AA meeting hall once again.

The bottom line was I had to want to stay sober more than drink, and go to any lengths to stay sober.

It sounds like you need the same kind of sponsor I have!

[toad]

Do you know why you are powerless over alcohol?

Study the Doctors Opinion and the first three chapters.

To overcome the enemy you must know him (it) well.

And then we overcome with the help of a Power Greater than Ourselves.

The Power Greater Than Myself is the program, the book, the fellowship, and God Almighty.

You can do it...........don't drink, read the book, go to meetings, and get a sponsor.

[Hurricane]

You don't need anyone to kick the !@$# out of you, the disease has already done that. You need to accept defeat and stop fighting it.
I would follow Toad's suggestions, the book is referred to as the Big Book for a reason.

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by steve6674

I need a sponsor who will kick the **** out of me I am a german hard headed sob.

I'm not here to kick the stuffing out of you, or anyone else. As Hurricane notes, the disease and your own conscience are kicking you hard enough, without me piling on.

What I am here to do is share experience, strength, and hope.

My experience is that I don't know what I need in the way of a sponsor, and if I decide what I "need" I may miss out on the man who can help me save my butt.

When I got to AA I hated short, fat, rich cats who drove fancy cars, and my original sponsor was all those things. To make matters worse, he hated bikers! However, that man loved me when I was incapable of loving myself, and he gently, firmly, consistently laid the tools of AA at my feet, and showed me how he used them.

He even came to love my motorcycle, because it carried me to recovery!

My strength is that, with over thirty-one years of sobriety, I know AA works if I work it. It's kept me sober through loss, divorce, death, pain, loneliness, frustration, fear, even blind rage. If it can work for me, odds are it can work for you, too.

My hope is that you get to that meeting, and a bunch more, with an open mind and open ears. Don't look for a sponsor who looks like you, or fits your pre-conceived notion. Look for the man who has the joy of sobriety in his heart; who has worked and lived the Steps and Traditions; and with his guidance give yourself over to the program. I'd hate to see you miss out on what AA has to offer!

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

The bottom line was I had to want to stay sober more than drink, and go to any lengths to stay sober.

This was my experience too, and I'll echo what Bill J. shared. Meetings, an open mind and ears, and a commitment to park my butt at an AA meeting until I changed and the miracle happened. I did, it happened, it works.

This can be the ride of your life. If you're ready for it, reach out, take hold, and get ready for one helluva ride.

[mywifeisatpeace]

my fiance used to relapse time and time again. but she kept rying and that is all that counts. if you give up trying then you have lost. as long as you keep getting back up you can kick this disease. I have a friend who was a big time alcoholic...he goes to 2 meetings each day. the noon time meeting which we call the loonie noonies "not an insult just the name that stuck with that group" and another one at night. he has been sober for 2 years already. he was my neighbor and was there when my fiance died. it was a wake up call for him. my fiance has a thread in the substance abuse forum titled "sobriety cleans us up well." check it out if you haven't read it yet. and think about riding your bike sober and just enjoy the ride. ride to live man.better places to be than in bars.find some new backroads and just ride and hit meetings and surround yourself with people that are sober. it will help. plus the sun will make you feel better.

[steve6674]

You hit it on the head, someone who has the joy of being sober, I have a cousin who is 20 years sober. I have seen that joy


Thank you all, I will have to read and re-read all the posts here to help me along

[Freedom1990]

Hey Steve, check in again when you can. Thinking of you!

[toad]

Originally Posted by steve6674

You hit it on the head, someone who has the joy of being sober, I have a cousin who is 20 years sober. I have seen that joy


Thank you all, I will have to read and re-read all the posts here to help me along

How is it going Steve???

I pray all is well..............toad

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by Hurricane

You don't need anyone to kick the !@$# out of you, the disease has already done that. You need to accept defeat and stop fighting it.
I would follow Toad's suggestions, the book is referred to as the Big Book for a reason.

This was it for me...when I stopped fighting the battles, I became part of the winners in the war. The first battle was with the first drink/drug, not the last one.

The substance always won over me (control/powerlessness) so the battle was/is futile.



Now for the humor...

This little guy is sooo cool!!

[Treetop]

I was so glad to see you return Steve and have the heart to give yourself as many chances as it takes. You are worth it just like I am, all the brothers and sisters who love to ride or not in recovery. Selfishly I feel like these readings are a gift from my Higher Power to me.

[toad]

Originally Posted by Treetop

I was so glad to see you return Steve and have the heart to give yourself as many chances as it takes. You are worth it just like I am, all the brothers and sisters who love to ride or not in recovery. Selfishly I feel like these readings are a gift from my Higher Power to me.

Welcome Treetop ................. looking forward to having you share your experience strength and hope with us.

[mxchaos]

Look back and try and remember how you got sober in the past. then take a look at what you can do to add to it to get sober again. It's damn hard work but think of all the money you can save for a new ride by getting sober.

one day at a time
a moment a time
a breath at a time
we are her with you all the way

[steve6674]

Just checking in, still alive and thanks to my cousin I have been able to get some miles in on his bike, have not been on the 'puter for a while but thought about you all and wanted to say Hi and let you know all is ok.

I am finally in the program with an open mind and have fully turned my will over to god, things are going pretty well, life still has it bumps however I don't have the want to drink over them...going to meetings everyday and a few want me to go to the local prison's meetings for service work.......

[toad]

You sound good Steve.

I go in the prison every week and take in an Aa meeting..........it's a pretty good reality check.........after all, most of us have been there before, or probably should have gone. I find the meeting in the prison to be the best meeting I go to, and by far the most rewarding.

Thanks for checking in my friend.

[steve6674]

Thanks Toad, I am doing well,

Put on 165 miles today, lost and found the heel shifter and broke the latch on the rear trunk of the road glide, however, drinking never came to mind for one second.

I also had very little to put down on the tenth step tonight (all small things) so, today has been a good day.

[BillJ]

Good to see you doing so well, Steve. Miles on the bike, a few minor glitches (which you were able to overcome - always a good feeling), and a clear conscience at the end of the day...

That sounds like a great day to me!

[steve6674]

Thanks Bill,

It was a great day, the latch only cost 11.00 which, as you know is out of the norm. HD usually stands for Hundred Dollars LOL.