I'm in a bad place....

[Fulldresser4]

Hi everyone....everything was going along semi-okay, still clean and sober. Today I found out I didn't get the job I thought I had, DH is acting like he wants me to move out (hasn't said it yet), and I just found out that he is taking the girls to meet his girlfriend and her daughter Saturday night. I am devastated to say the least. Thank God I am having an AA friend (yes, a girl) spend the night tonight. Please pray for me....

Annie

[Freedom1990]

You're at the top of my prayer list, Annie! :ghug2

[toad]

There are other jobs out there...........sometimes when we get to expecting too much, we get let down. I know that you were hoping for this job, but the truth is that there is something much better waiting for you. It is hard to see God's blessings at times when we are in the middle of something that is causing us pain...........

Hey Annie........I am reading a book called The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. I am not through with it yet, just started it yesterday.......but I recomend for you and me too. I bought it at walmart. Actually I bought two yesterday and gave one away, then I gave mine away tonight, and went back to walmart and bought three more.

here is the website http:TheShackBook.com

It is really a very good read........please check it out.

Praying for you sis.......toad

[Hurricane]

Will continue to pray for you FD

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

Hi everyone....everything was going along semi-okay, still clean and sober. Today I found out I didn't get the job I thought I had, DH is acting like he wants me to move out (hasn't said it yet), and I just found out that he is taking the girls to meet his girlfriend and her daughter Saturday night. I am devastated to say the least. Thank God I am having an AA friend (yes, a girl) spend the night tonight. Please pray for me....

Annie

"Don't close your eyes just because it's dark. It's always darkest just before the dawn"
(I've always worked early morning hours so this made sence to me).
I've always had to get up and start my day just before dawn.
If I closed my eyes, I would fall back asleep and be late or miss the day entirely.

I feel bad that you didn't get that job. Don't give up. Don't pick up.

I do have a couple questions though concerning this situation...Whose house is it? I mean whose name is on the deed/lease?

Are you two married?

Are these children yours together?
I suggest you seek some legal advice/ counseling, QUICKLY!!! And keep on your program...:praying

[Fulldresser4]

Thanks everyone...I talked to my sponsor and another dear friend in AA...they said that it just wasn't meant to be, that there is something better around the bend waiting for me. Today is a new day. I won't pick up with the help of my HP, AA, and SR. It just isn't worth it. I would be in a much worse place if I did. I am blessed that I still have almost 5 months of unemployment left plus a possible extension. Maybe I just wasn't ready, maybe I have to work on myself a lot more. My AA friends tease me about being so codependent -- if someone that is a "regular" doesn't make a meeting, I go into full alert mode and wonder if they are okay, did anyone talk to them, etc.

As far as an attorney, I called the best one in town yesterday and because dh and I had used him regarding a child custody issue, he can't represent me because he had already represented John in the custody thing. Okay, not meant to be I guess. BUT...there is a guy in AA who I guess is quite the great divorce attorney, so I am going to call him today.

The house was mine and dh moved in. Unfortunately, when we refinanced, dh wanted a new garage so we cashed out and there is not a whole lot of equity, plus the housing market around here is really, really bad. I am okay with not keeping the house, because I wouldn't be able to afford it nor would I be able to maintain it by myself.

We do not have any kids together, just his 2 daughters 11 and almost 13 who I have pretty much raised. So I just worry about them a whole lot.

I had forgotten that it is always darkest just before the dawn...thanks Jazz.

I will check in later tonight, I just wanted to thank you all. The only thing I can do is turn it over and quit grabbing it back...

Love,

Annie

[Clutch B]

Sending prayers your way ... The right job is still out there, stay true to yourself. Lean on those AA friends and don't try to go it alone. There is no situation that drinking won't make worse. You're doing the right things --

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

The house was mine and dh moved in. Unfortunately, when we refinanced, dh wanted a new garage so we cashed out and there is not a whole lot of equity, plus the housing market around here is really, really bad. I am okay with not keeping the house, because I wouldn't be able to afford it nor would I be able to maintain it by myself.

It's not about ability to maintain, it's about the right to put the owner out. Is his name now on the deed since the refinancing along with yours? If not, he cannot put you out because the house is not his. Even if his name is on it, as long as your name is still on it, he cannot make you leave just by saying get out.

CYA ! ! !

[Fulldresser4]

Thanks Jazzed....we refinanced after we got married so the house is in both our names. I actually talked to the attorney's secretary for about 20 minutes this a.m. and found lots out that really comforted me. Please know that I am not trying to be vindictive, I want this to go as smoothly as possible and just get what I am due. I have an appointment in 2 weeks but these are the things I found out:

He cannot make me move out until the divorce is final and negotiations on the settlement are done. I found out we have about 10K equity in the house so he will owe me half of that.

He will also owe me half of the equity in the Harley, and basically anything in the house that was bought during the marriage (read all his "toys", guns, motorcycles, boat, motors, bow, etc.). I was lucky if I got new clothes once a year, so I don't have any toys.

What was brought into the marriage by me will be mine (which is pretty much everything in the house since he moved in with me) and what he brought into the marriage will be his (pretty much nothing).

He can't take me off his health insurance until the divorce is final, and my lawyer will be filing for "separate maintenance" which from what I understand is that all the negotiations and property settlements are done but he will still have to keep me on his insurance.

He may have to pay me spousal support for a period of time because he makes so much more than me.

I am entitled to half of his pension for the duration of the marriage.

I feel alot better knowing that he can't just throw me a couple of grand and throw me out. Even though it is really hard sometimes being here, I am going to clean the front bedroom out and he can move his cheating a$$ in there. I am tired of sleeping in the same bed with him when he is here, and him calling me babe and rubbing me back, and having to wake him up for work in the morning. I have had enough of his head games, but I am trying to hate the sin, love the sinner.

I am really wondering if I didn't get the job because of two reasons --

First that I may not be ready, and that I need to work on myself and my recovery right now.

Second, that I should go back to school and finish my Bachelor's degree (I only have like 4 classes to complete it). I have been really thinking hard about going into social work (if I can get over my codie instincts, LOL). I dunno, I guess I will have to pray about it.

I just know now, that at this moment, hard as it may be, I am right where God wants me to be. And I thank you all for all of the love and support...


Annie

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

I feel alot better...

... but I am trying to hate the sin, love the sinner.

I am really wondering if I didn't get the job because of two reasons --

First that I may not be ready, and that I need to work on myself and my recovery right now.

Second, that I should go back to school and finish my Bachelor's degree (I only have like 4 classes to complete it). I have been really thinking hard about going into social work (if I can get over my codie instincts, LOL). I dunno, I guess I will have to pray about it.

I just know now, that at this moment, hard as it may be, I am right where God wants me to be. And I thank you all for all of the love and support...


Annie

Take away the stress and this (above) is what you have left to pay attention to.

Pretty cool huh? Having choices again.

[Fulldresser4]

Hi everyone...just checking in. I am still sober thanks to my HP, AA, SR, and the tables. I got sucked into a little drama at one of the AA clubs here in town, and man did my eyes get opened. I was soooo niave (sp?). I will post another time about that, haven't quite figured it all out yet and praying to understand. I got some good news -- the unemployment office here in Michigan will pay to retrain me for 2 years in another field (probably medical). They pay for books, tuition, etc. I will know more in a few weeks when I go in to get a "case manager". I am in a better place emotionally because I am slowly but surely getting the whole "turn it over" thing underway. I have had lots of little miracles happen to me and it is just awesome.

Toad, thanks for the recommendation on "The Shack". It really is a powerful book.

Jazzed, where are you?

Is it always this slow this time of the year here or is everyone except me out trying to get the last ride in before it starts snowing?

Anyhow, praying for you all - Love ya!

Annie

[Freedom1990]

Hey Annie, it sounds like there are good things definitely in store for you!

I was really blessed in that Vocational Rehabilitation is helping me with college expenses. Whatever the Pell grants don't cover, Vo-Rehab picks up.

We've just got to take it one step at a time! I'm hoping to be done with college in about 14 months! :ghug2

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Still here Annie.

My chapter did it's first event today (w/colors).
Not a big turnout but those that needed to come, did.

Tomorrow is the Eastern Shore Toy Run and another clubs last field event of the year.
Things are winding down for the cooler/colder climate areas.

Yanno, when I "get out of the way", His events seem to happen without drama.
By staying involved in my own recovery, I find myself "in position" when these events come my way.

An opportunity for school!?! Hoo-Hah!!
You were right where you needed to be when His plan started to unfold.

[mxchaos]

glad you've stayed sober through all this. I can relate to all the stress breaking up comes with and staying sober sure helps. keep one foot in front of the other just for today.

[BillJ]

Good to see you still workin' it, Annie. Been praying for you.

[recoveringnky]

Annie,
You have been in my prayers as I have been lurking around. I'm so glad to see your Higher Power working miracles in your life! Keep doing the next right thing and the miracles continue!
Hugs,
Kym

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by recoveringnky

Annie,
You have been in my prayers as I have been lurking around. I'm so glad to see your Higher Power working miracles in your life! Keep doing the next right thing and the miracles continue!
Hugs,
Kym

HAY KYM!!! It has been a looonnng time! Great to see on here again.

[Fulldresser4]

Hi everyone...I'm in a bad place again (that of course I put myself in). I am still sober, coming up hard and fast on two months. Here's the latest:
The house went into foreclosure. We have six months to get out. This is probably not a bad thing because we were upsidedown on the house, and real estate here is NOT a good thing right now. Nothing is selling, and appraisals are dropping like a rock.
DH and I had a pretty good talk the other night and settled a lot of things, and are selling alot of things and paying off bills. Why I am in a bad place is because of this....
His bimbo wanted him to move in with her. He told her that he wasn't going to do that, that he had obligations here that he had to take care of and that he was done with her. He did NOT do this to come back to me, which is fine. But we had another heart to heart and he was going to be alone for a while which he has never been, and that he recognized her for what she is. She actually said that she didn't want to be his mistress. WTF...HELLO!!!! Even though I knew that he wasn't going to come back to me, when he told me last night that he is going up to her house tomorrow night to "talk" and that he would give her another chance, it feels like it's happening all over again. The tears just won't stop. I know that whatever happens is God's will, but I thought that at least this aspect of the pain would subside for a little while. I thought he would cowboy up and I guess I was wrong. So please pray for me, would you? Just when I think it is getting better and I am getting better, everything just turns upside freakin' down. It sucks. I am so sick of crying, but I know that I need to. And I am so sick of the drama and gossip in the AA club that I go to I don't even know what to do. I guess I need to go to other meetings and concentrate on my church as well.

So that's my latest. Sorry to be such a downer. I want so badly to get on the Harley and feel the wind in my face. Too bad I don't know how to drive it, and even if I did I couldn't touch the ground, LOL. And it's getting pretty chilly here in Michigan..

Thank you all for the support. Tomorrow is a new day, right? It's got to be.
And HI KYM!! It's great to "see" you!

Annie

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

Tomorrow is a new day, right? It's got to be.

Yeah, it is! And it will be better, if you just keep doin' the do.

When I read about what DH is up to, I'm reminded of a greeting card I saw. On the front, it says "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten". Inside, it says "Boys are stupid!"

Just remember: boys are stupid!

[toad]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Yeah, it is! And it will be better, if you just keep doin' the do.

When I read about what DH is up to, I'm reminded of a greeting card I saw. On the front, it says "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten". Inside, it says "Boys are stupid!"

Just remember: boys are stupid!

I can agree with Bill, we guys most of the time think with body parts other than the brain. It is sad. I am grateful for the program of AA which has helped me to start growing up at the ripe old geezer age of 62.

I would recommend going to several groups.......possibly some that are not hooked up to an Alano Club. Groups that are barely hanging on, you know, groups that can pay the rent and that is all. People attend meetings like that to stay sober........ain't no drama........just the life saving program.

Kym.......sure is good to see you post. You have such positive input on this forum. I got an email from Rarly yesterday.......hope he and Hammer come back too.

ILYATNADTYCDAI

[Hurricane]

Originally Posted by toad

Kym.......sure is good to see you post. You have such positive input on this forum. I got an email from Rarly yesterday.......hope he and Hammer come back too.

That would make me very happy !

"Romances and Finances", your doing good FD, hang in there.

[Thanks2HP]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

Hi everyone...I'm in a bad place again (that of course I put myself in). I am still sober, coming up hard and fast on two months. Here's the latest:
The house went into foreclosure. We have six months to get out. This is probably not a bad thing because we were upsidedown on the house, and real estate here is NOT a good thing right now. Nothing is selling, and appraisals are dropping like a rock.

Hello Annie,

I can relate. I bought a house in '96. It was tough at first and fortunately my earnings increased and the mortgage became manageable. But, I had the neighbors from hell. I did my best to see my part in the problems and do what I could to get along but they accused me of all kinds of things that I did not do. It turned into a legal issue and things got ugly. I knew I had to move one way or another or else I might take the matter into my own hands. Not very spiritual of me, eh? I sold the house in 2004 and made the mistake of putting the 250K right into another house because "they only appreciate" right? Yeah... didn't see this economic collapse coming. Oh, and I broke up with my gf too so I moved into the house by myself. It was farther away from my regular meetings so I cut back to one a week. Wrong answer! My behavior slipped. I acted impusively, gave in to obsession and compulsive thoughts, bought a lot of "toys" that I didn't need. I hit a spiritual bottom in September when the reality of life hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't drink or use but I was in agony. I had severe anxiety attacks but managed to only call in sick once. I'm not sure how I made it through. I can't tell you the number of times I've beat myself up over not pocketing the money and downsizing. You're right, a house is a lot of work. I didn't realize how lazy I had become. Right now I still have a job and have started paying off the credit cards and so far have been able to pay the mortgage. I've had a difficult time "surrendering" everything to my Higher Power. I know I put material possessions in front of my recovery and therefore can certainly expect to lose them as a result. That is up to God. All I can do is show up for work and do the best to be of service to my employer and turn it over. I'm still struggling but have reached out for help and help was given to me. I've had a most wonderful girlfriend for two years who is also in recovery and she has been a tremendous support. She works a very strong program and I admire her a great deal. I wished I would have been more receptive to her when she pulled my covers from time to time.

I feel like I won the lottery then bet it all on red and it came up black. I'm starting to have just a little hope though. I've been going to more meetings and sharing more often which helps. It's a bitter pill to swallow when I realize that I put myself in this situation. My disease got me again. All I can do is move forward and try my best to do what it takes to stay connected to the program. I've started on the steps again and have been calling my sponsor every day. Despite my head telling me it's "too little too late" I'm going to continue going to meetings and continue to reach out because it's either that or eventually get to the point where a drink seems like an ok idea.

I wish you success, peace and serenity in your journey.

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by Thanks2HP

Despite my head telling me it's "too little too late" I'm going to continue going to meetings and continue to reach out because it's either that or eventually get to the point where a drink seems like an ok idea.

You got it right. The insanity returns, and then we drink. The more I work the program, the less insane I am. Most days, anyway!

Thanks for sharing, Thanks2HP.

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by toad

Kym.......sure is good to see you post. You have such positive input on this forum. I got an email from Rarly yesterday.......hope he and Hammer come back too.

ILYATNADTYCDAI

Thanks, glad to be back!!

Hugs,
Kym

[Fulldresser4]

Hi everyone...another update. I will get my 60 day coin tomorrow. I am doing okay...very confused but okay. I am still going to my new church which is so supportive and loving. I am still going to at least 1 if not 2 meetings a day. Going to some new meetings. Ironically, the worst/negative gossiping meetings do go on at one of the 2 clubs in town which I am trying to step back from. The other club is mostly men, alot with good sobriety and I enjoy the meetings and get alot out of them even though it is in a "rough" part of town. Then I also go to the "township" meetings which alot of the people at the clubs refer to as "feel good meetings". I always get something out of every meeting I go to...people are so kind to me most meetings I go to and I have made some great friends. I was, though, very niave in the beginning and talked to/listened to some people with alot of time that turned out to not be a good thing. One person even told me that I should not hang around with anyone that doesn't have at least 2 years of recovery because they could go back out and take me with them. My sponsor laughed out loud at that one and said that I just needed to be careful, but if we couldn't hang out with "newbies" who could we hang out with? There are not alot of females around here with good sobriety. Anyhow, DH and gf are back together but not like before (his words). Of course, he is at her house tonight and tomorrow night. I have been cleaning out the front bedroom with the help of a dear AA friend and I just started crying. Last night DH was home and he actually cuddled me all night, and this morning. He told me he was just trying to make me feel better. I am confused because some tell me to put some boundries in place, some tell me to continue to show him love, some tell me much harsher things. I feel like I need to make amends to him for all the hell I put him through when I was drinking. Some tell me that I need to put myself first and show him that I don't need him, that he has his cake and is eating it too. Some days I am really okay with the divorce and some days I hurt so bad I can't stand it. I know acceptance and giving it up to God's will is the key. And it was so wierd this afternoon, my friend from AA and I went to eat because I couldn't take any more sorting. So who shows up at the diner we went too? My sponsor! It was a total God thing. Lori and I were just talking about how our sponsors had such peace and serenity and we both hoped we would have what they have someday, and she shows up! She sat down and talked to us, and me, and told me to remember that this too shall pass...that we have to walk through the pain and just know that something better is waiting for us on the other side...that we don't have to use over anything anymore, and it's so much better to feel than to stuff it like we used to. Wise woman, that one. OMG, I'm writing a book here.

Sorry to bore you with this DH stuff again, it is just what I am dealing with and I don't quite know how to focus on me and not live my life for him yet. I would be lying if I said I didn't want him back, but my head knows that everything would have to change for both of us. I just keep trying to believe that everything in this life is God's will, not mine.

Any ESH?

Love you guys, Kym, again, I am so glad to see you back...i really missed you.