Out of hiding

[Hurricane]

We talk of rejoining society once sober, but I have realized lately just how much I've been hiding for the last several years in recovery. I have been fortunate enough to work with others in recovery all this time, but recently I took a job working with a contractor that I have known from job sites. The guy sparks up every day while driving to a job site. All of the sudden, I have become a better neighbor with those I did not like before, and have been invited to their party's. I've had lunch in a local bar I never have set foot in before. I have not had a desire to drink, drug or go to the party's, but it is a weird feeling when you have always surrounded yourself with only those in recovery for so long . I have been talking with my sponsor more lately, but most of my friends in the program have been distant for what ever reason they have. Hell, this board has dropped off a ton as of late, but I'm glad to see some new posters, and returning ones. I need you all, and am grateful for you all. Kind of typing Babel here, but just felt I needed to share a little of where I'm at right now.

[countrycasual]

Originally Posted by Hurricane

just how much I've been hiding for the last several years in recovery. I have been fortunate enough to work with others in recovery all this time.... I have not had a desire to drink, drug or go to the party's, but it is a weird feeling when you have always surrounded yourself with only those in recovery for so long . I have been talking with my sponsor more lately, but most of my friends in the program have been distant for what ever reason they have. Hell, this board has dropped off a ton as of late, but I'm glad to see some new posters, and returning ones. I need you all, and am grateful for you all. Kind of typing Babel here, but just felt I needed to share a little of where I'm at right now.

I don't get a sense of Conscious Hiding from you? From here, it sounds like you were fortunate enough to be able to begin your new life of sobriety being surrounded by others doing the same.

And it sounds like you are a strong individual to be able to associate with this crew and stay clean. More Power to You!!

All web forums drop off in summer when people are vacationing or outdoors working in their yards or just enjoying the warm weather. We live in a rural area and don't associate with our neighbours. I rely heavily on online pals to keep me sane, so I understand exactly where you are coming from when you say you are grateful to all for posting.

[toad]

Originally Posted by Hurricane

We talk of rejoining society once sober, but I have realized lately just how much I've been hiding for the last several years in recovery. .................................................. ...... just felt I needed to share a little of where I'm at right now.

I know exactly what you mean Hurricane. For years I hung around mainly with people in recovery. I was very careful about my program. Which was good. Today I continue to go to more meetings than ever without putting a strain on my life. And at the same time, I am involved with some things that have nothing to do with recovery other than the fact that I am sober and able to do them. The Patriot Guard Riders have brought to me a whole new group of friends that have much the same interests as myself, except they are not alcoholic (there could be some, I don't know, I don't ask). The bottom of page 100 says that if we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. That is not a quote. I am sure you know the page.

Hang in there, be joyous and free, but don't take that first temptation, and say in touch with your sponsor before and after going on adventures.

Hope to see you at some AA stuff, this weekend...........

[toad]

Originally Posted by countrycasual

I rely heavily on online pals to keep me sane, so I understand exactly where you are coming from when you say you are grateful to all for posting.

Welcome countrycasual..............I understand the importance of online friends too. .............. understand it more each day.

[Jazzed_N_MD]

I found, for myself, that when I threw myself fully into recovery, I became such a productive member of MY society that my society wanted more of me. Then social groups neighboring my society started seeing the results of recovery and they started asking me to join them. This is not a bad thing but there is only so many hours in a day and something had to be rescheduled.

I got more involved with my inner network (Club) and went to fewer meetings.
I focused more on my home-group and maintaining daily contact with my sponsor. I still do this today and have added a spouse to the picture. My life has a balance, both with members of our program and those that may not even have a clue about it.

Now I do not test this balance, just as I do not test Gods Word(Period)

This is not a suggestion for anyone else, nor do I discourage anyone that wishes to lean this way. This is just my life today.

In my life, balance = serenity and this begets gratitude.

Today I pray that my will stays in balance with the Will of God. That I stay as human as He created me and as honest the way the program has taught me.

[countrycasual]

This brings up a problem that I'm dealing with, but first I need to give a quick background bio, I think?

Been living away from the area where most of our (former??) friends and family live, for several years now. But never really fit into this community. Didn't make any close friends so we have no social life. Escalated the drinking, which of course, just amplified the problem. Ultimately came Job loss (and out of that came retraining for a new career). So we've made the decision to return home and start over.

Oddly enough, I got a phone call today from a g/f that is a partier. Once I told her what our plans are, she got all excited that we'll be back in town. I anticipate others showing up once the word gets out.
But a lot of things have changed (for the better) and our fridge door isn't going to be open the way it used to be.
I suppose this will be the end of a 30+ year friendship.

Now how do we go about finding new friends?? I asked this over and over at counselling and was given the answer, 'in time' or,
'take baby steps'...
I'm really tired of being without friends, and the prospect of alienating old ones is amplifying my fears.


We used to be HOG chapter members. There were a lot of non-drinkers in the group, but I understand that the chapter has really changed and most of our fellow riders of 20 yrs ago are not riding anymore.

Do most people just make friends through AA? Or was my addictions counsellor correct when she said that it will all fall into place with time??

Toad, your association with the Patriot Guard Riders gave me the courage to ask this. TY

[toad]

Originally Posted by countrycasual

Do most people just make friends through AA? Or was my addictions counsellor correct when she said that it will all fall into place with time??

Toad, your association with the Patriot Guard Riders gave me the courage to ask this. TY

I don't have any advice, but I can share of my own experiences, strengths, and hopes.

For years when I was drinking and using, I spent time either "out there" socializing, or I was isolating. For me it was always the extremes. When I came back into recovery in 1998 I had no social life sober. None! So I went to meetings and I went to church and I was not too friendly at either place. My sobriety was my main priority and in time I made friends as I got involved in service work. I was group treasurer, and GSR later. I have learned that some lasting friendships take time to build. I mean years.... by going to District AA meetings and Area Assemblies over the years I have developed freindships that today I cherish. That is because they were built slowly over the years.

Today my relationships come from four main areas of my life. (1) Family (2) AA and recovery (3) church (4) PGR and bikers. Most of my close relationships with friends involve those from more than one group. I have family members in PGR. I have AA friends that I go to church with. I have AA friends that ride with me in PGR. I have church friends that ride with me in PGR.............All I know is that it took me years to come out of my shell and let others in. God sends new people into our lives every day. If we let them in or not is up to us.

The first four years of my recovery I went to the local nursing home most every day and just sat and talked to the elders in my community. They are the truly lonely in our society..........try it! It will change how you look at yourself..........

I kind of rambled.........probably needed to get that out. Thanks countrycasual for giving me the opportunity to share.

Good thread Hurricane...................toad the tet vet

[countrycasual]

Toad, Thanks. You've given me a grocery cart full of food for thought.

My son wants us to move closer to him and our grandchildren so that's first and foremost in our plan. I guess I just have to learn patience and work towards making friends when I get there.

I was concerned about posting my own issues on Hurricane's thread, but I too would really like to thank him for giving me the opportunity to say my piece here. TY

[Hurricane]

Originally Posted by countrycasual

I was concerned about posting my own issues on Hurricane's thread, but I too would really like to thank him for giving me the opportunity to say my piece here. TY

Your not hijacking this thread at all, your sharing on the general topic, but it would not bother me if you did.
Thanks for sharing countrycasual.

[Hurricane]

"God sends new people into our lives every day. If we let them in or not is up to us"

Very true, thanks for reminding me of that Toad.

[toad]

Hurricane,

Do you think you will come out of hiding for the Missouri State Convention?

Jerry and I will leave around 9 am Friday and be in Jeff city around noon.....we will probably take a short ride to Ashland in the afternoon (15 miles north).

[Hurricane]

My Dad is out here this week from California, so I'm not sure if I will be there Friday or Saturday, but I do plan to take you up on your offer to let me crash one night any way. I will call you sometime Friday when I know more.
Looking forward to seeing you and Jerry.

[harleyrunt]

I am a live and still kickin' the sober life. I have just been busy helping out a group of local teenagers. Ya know spreading the word of sober living. I still put you all in my prayers everyday.

[toad]

Originally Posted by harleyrunt

I am a live and still kickin' the sober life. I have just been busy helping out a group of local teenagers. Ya know spreading the word of sober living. I still put you all in my prayers everyday.

Good to hear from you harley r., How great it is that you are working with teenagers. You will never know all the lives that are affected by your sharing with them, and them sharing with others. It could have a snowball effect in your community.

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by Hurricane

I have been talking with my sponsor more lately, but most of my friends in the program have been distant for what ever reason they have. Hell, this board has dropped off a ton as of late, but I'm glad to see some new posters, and returning ones. I need you all, and am grateful for you all. Kind of typing Babel here, but just felt I needed to share a little of where I'm at right now.

I need you too Hurricane. This board is important to me....
For myself, I find that meetings are irreplaceable and I need to go to extra meetings when I am stuggling with something. Talking to my sponsor helps, prayer helps, reading literature helps, but all these things by themselves, without meetings, will not keep me comfortable in my own head or skin, for very long. I have also found that my work will speak for itself, fairly quickly on a new job. I bet you are the same....
After I have established myself on a new job, I freely share that I am an alchoholic in situations that warrant it. I will also speak up if anybody is invading my space with the smell of alchohol or weed, explain why and ask the person not to do it around me. I was taught to put my sobriety first, always. This recipe has served me well. Hope this helps Bro...

[Hurricane]

Thanks Rarly, good to have you back.