Living Alone (After a Long Relationship)

[The_Hammer]

It is incredible; the way I can take advantage of a direct blessing from God. I had no idea of the scope of things that my wife took care of. Yes, I remember living alone prior to this. But my personal life was so much more streamlined than this; I got drunk, I ate here and there, I went to work and passed out. Simple.

Our home is and was much more responsible, complicated and spread out. But I kept the drunks pattern going to a greater degree. I went to work, ate, hit a meeting and crashed. MAybe play with Jordie if my back wasn't a knife in my spine.

Hindsight is always 20/20. And what a fantastic way I have of forgetting thing that matter. Now that I am on my own, I realize what a great boon to my existence my wife was/is. This is a good thing now that we're separated, because I not only learned her worth, but I get the experience of life I did not have. God is good.

[Astro]

Thank you for reminding me that God will do for me what I can't do for myself.

For 11 years I tried to turn as much responsibilty over to the woman I'd married and mother of our children. Bills, kid duties and activities, etc. I just stayed focused on yardwork, home maintenance, and drinking. When she divorced me and I went into recovery I was scared to death to face life on life's terms and try to function again as a bachelor.

Every hurdle I feared became a small challenge, with God's grace and my recovery I overcame everything one day at a time. I guess I learned to function in God's will, life is very good as long as I'm a follower.

[The_Hammer]

Astro-that's exactly where I am at with it. Seems like the school of hard knocks is the only way I learn at times. I can be attentive to the useless and the mundane, but ignore all that matters when I am filtering things out in life through my addiction. When I stay centered and surrendered to God's will for me, I pray for the power to carry things out in His time and his place. Then I know serenity.

[The_Hammer]

Astro-that's exactly where I am at with it. Seems like the school of hard knocks is the only way I learn at times. I can be attentive to the useless and the mundane, but ignore all that matters when I am filtering things out in life through my addiction. When I stay centered and surrendered to God's will for me, I pray for the power to carry things out in His time and his place. Then I know serenity.

[toad]

My wife left me in 1992, she came back in 1993 for a short time, we were divorced in 1994. This whole time I was trying to get sober and she did not want that. Her son (my step-son) had committed suicide in 1991 and she just couldn't live with the pain without alcohol and downers. I married a crank ho in 1995, she left in six months after going through my settlement money (VA and SS). My then ex-wife who I still loved died of an over-dose in November 1995. I took up with another crank ho and we spent my monthly check for the next two and a half years. She was physically the meanest woman I have ever known. When she was loaded and wanted to fight it was toe to toe. She had whipped most of the guys in town and when we got together I started getting some respect from the guys. They knew that if they messed with me they would have to mess with her. When we broke up in 1998 she would come back every first of the month for the sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. She had a boy friend and he didn't care much for this. He snuck up on my farm one night and tried to kill me........got real freaky. About August of 1998 I was real tired of life.................the only answer to this problem was God and AA. I got sober, divorced the first crank ho, and have been single for the last (almost) 10 years...............I had a couple of affairs, and now have a girlfriend (church lady).

I have learned to live with myself............man do I ever like it.

Jimmy, I have a club..........."Bachlor till the Rapture."

Want to join?


Just kidding about that...........My experience is that until I learned to live with myself, I was no good for anybody else......Just my experience.

Nobody can steal your Salvation or your Sobriety........two important aspects of life


One day at a time brother...........no telling what God has in store.

Thanks for letting me do some of my fifth step.........I need to be reminded of where I came from.

[The_Hammer]

brother toad,

I have had my share of the crank ho. Believe me. I lost everything I had-twice, to a real special one (joke).

My current situation is real different from that, but the scars it leaves behind are basically the same. I know that through this program and the AA way of life, I will learn what I need to and the rest just isn't that important. I'll take another 24.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

My current situation is real different from that, but the scars it leaves behind are basically the same. I know that through this program and the AA way of life, I will learn what I need to and the rest just isn't that important. I'll take another 24.

Gotta agree, those scars go very deep.

Acceptance. My life is exactly the way it should be, God has a plan for me assuming I stay sober and ask for His will for me every day.

Let go, let God.

Am I forgetting any of the basics?

AA, the Steps, and God keep me sober one day at a time. The program of Codependents Anonymous is slowly teaching me what a healthy relationship looks like. That's progress after a lifetime of dysfunction.

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

It is incredible; the way I can take advantage of a direct blessing from God. Hindsight is always 20/20. God is good.

Jimmy: We are birds of a feather, my Brother. Most of my direct blessings from God have come in the form of a hammer, a two by four, or some other form of heavy blunt instrument, just to get my attention. Only then, am I able, through His Grace, to look back and learn the lesson that He wanted me to learn, from the perfect vision of hindsight. If I ignore this direct blessing from God and refuse to learn the lesson, He will wait a bit, then hit me even harder with it the next time. I don't seem to learn any lessons in recovery any other way. The good news is, that I've learned through pain and discomfort (crossing the God line, or ignoring it), to stop, look back and learn the lesson on the first whack (most times). I only learned this, by having to experience the second and sometimes third whacks before surrendering. The more I surrender to God's will in all areas of my life, the more serene and comfortable in my own skin, I get. I am so very gratefull that God loves all of us so much, that He is Patient to infinity. I believe God knew He had to create a universal portal, with no restrictions of breadth or height, for hard-headed, stubborn, egomaniacal alchoholics, suffering from inferiority complexes (like me), to be able to be led through, back to Him. I believe, to the core of my being, that God paid Bill Wilson a visit in Towne's Hospital in New York, in the spring of 1935 and infused Bill with a vision on how to create a universally accepted, non-sectarian, non-discriminatory method of guiding any alchoholic who wanted to recover, through this portal and back to Him. Then Bill, on June 10, 1935 was able to convey this vision to Dr. Bob Smith, in Akron Ohio and thus A.A. was born. I thank God for A.A.....

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by toad

My experience is that until I learned to live with myself, I was no good for anybody else......Just my experience.

The relationships I went through, lost, suffered over, inventoried and studied on prepared me to be in the marriage I have now. Part of it was learning to live with (and love) myself, without the distractions of boy/girl love and romance. It seems to have worked, for Jackie has outlasted two previous marriages, and every live-in girlfriend I ever had. Only my HP and my shovel have stayed with me longer!

One caveat, Jimmy: when my ex left to pursue her drug of choice, and took my step-daughter with her, it almost killed me. I was living a long-distance call from town, in total isolation from the fellowship. I would go to work, hit a 5:30 meeting on the way out of town, hurry home and fight the roaches for my dinner, crash, and get up and do it again the next day.

I had reached a point where I was wondering what kind of pattern my brains would make on the walls of my bedroom when, out of the blue, a program friend called to ask me a question about her motorcycle. I wasn't sitting there with a gun in my hand, or anything dramatic like that. I was just thinking dark thoughts, but who knows where they might have led?

That call was Grace of God, I'm here to tell you. My friend had no idea until years later how important that casual conversation was to this suffering alkie. It broke the spell I'd fallen under, got me off my butt, and back into some semblance of sanity.

First thing I did was clean out all the crap my ex had left lying around - her discarded clothing, my step-daughter's broken toys, all the constant reminders of what was gone from my life. Then I started making time after meetings to fellowship. Later, I moved into town, and got a house just blocks from the meeting hall, and made sure everyone knew where I lived. That way, they could drop by anytime, day or night, and keep me from isolating again.

The work I had to do after that, to establish the "right ideal" for my next healthy relationship (Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 69) is a whole 'nother post. Probably a whole 'nother thread! I just wanted to share my E, S & H about isolating.

Love you, brother. Prayers still flyin'.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by BillJ

First thing I did was clean out all the crap my ex had left lying around - her discarded clothing, my step-daughter's broken toys, all the constant reminders of what was gone from my life. Then I started making time after meetings to fellowship. Later, I moved into town, and got a house just blocks from the meeting hall, and made sure everyone knew where I lived. That way, they could drop by anytime, day or night, and keep me from isolating again.

Dang, hearing some of my story again. Funny how that happens in recovery.

I got rid of bags of old photos, hundreds of cards, letters, and notes that said how much she loved me, how we'd grow old together, what a great father and husband I was. Might seem bitter but it helped me to slowly heal.

I bought a small home, just big enough for me and the kids but not so big that I'd be tied down to upkeep, landscaping, and cleaning. That freed up plenty of time for Fellowship and extra meetings. My first couple years sober I'd have AA'ers over for breakfast, lunch, BBQ's, etc. and still do on occasion.

It's a rare day now when I feel alone in recovery. Thank you again, God.

[recoveringnky]

Love ya brother!!!

ODAT!!

Hugs and prayers,
Kym

[The_Hammer]

when my ex left to pursue her drug of choice, and took my step-daughter with her, it almost killed me.

Yea buddy, it was as painful as the pill scene was for me.

More than anything I think, I miss Rarly an you guys. I know I won't be at RFL 08. I just can't do it. But at least I have this board and a computer to write on it. I am in some counseling, and I am at a meeting everyday and givin my number out. Just need to get outta myself. Bad. Still in a lot of emotional pain, but givin it over to Him all the time.

[The_Hammer]

Reminds me of Dave M's. Song-Almost Honest:

I lied just a little
When I said I need you
You stretched the truth
When you said that you knew
Just cant believe it
Theres nothing to say
I was almost honest, almost
Living alone, cant stand this place
Its four in the morning and I still see your face

I was nearly pure
When I said I loved you
You were semi-sincere
You said Id bleed for you
We were kind of candid
Now youve gone away
You were almost honest, almost

Living alone, falling from grace
I want to be alone but theres just empty space
I cant face tomorow, now youre not coming back
Walked off in the night and just left me the tracks

I question your call by the tone of your voice
I know I should hang up but I dont have a choice
It happend that night when you told me to go
Dont ask whos to blame, I dont know

Almost, almost honest
Almost, I was almost honest

[Astro]

YouTube - Megadeth - Almost Honest (Broadcast Music Video) (Explicit)

[The_Hammer]

ya think Dave's been there?