Please share ESH...

[Fulldresser4]

The bottom is crashing in fast....

[suki44883]

What's going on, fulldresser? We are here for you.

[Fulldresser4]

Relapsed...Bottom coming up fast.......I am in danger of losing everything...Don't even know what to say or do. Every AA meeting I go to seems to offend me as a "biker"...they all talk about all these crazy biker people blah blah blah. I need to go to detox for the THIRD freakin' time but I can't. I know that you all will say that I can...but I really can't. I will lose my job. I am with a small, family owned company who has entrusted their biggest account to date with me on the condition that I don't drink. I know my life is worth more than my job BUt I seriously can't go to detox. I don't know what to do. The first two times I went to detox...I stayed sober for over 3 years even through my Mom's death. I went to an aftercare meeting, not to AA. I k now I am rambling now, I am sorry. I am just so sick and tired of this...I can't seem to stop picking up, I am so lost and so sick and I just can't freaking handle it anymore, ya know? My DH doesn't know, I give him excuses why Ican't go on poker runs or even go for a ride which is what I am desperate for.I'm crying, I gotta go....

Hammer, I love ya brother!

[Fulldresser4]

Rarly..You out there????

[Fulldresser4]

Best??? Jazzed?? Hammer? Kym? I know, I am wanting instand gratification..Sorry...It's just that I need you guys. Dont' worry bout me, taking a shower and going to bed. I can't see through the tears anymore.

[serenityqueen]

((((Fulldresser4)))) I just sent you a PM instead of posting on here.

God Bless,
Judy

[Fulldresser4]

Replied, thank you so much....

[Fulldresser4]

And Serenity,,,I didn't tell you in the pm but I hope to be where you are someday...
All of My Devils are Free at Last, All My Secrets Revealed . . .

[BillJ]

Annie,

We are here for you, on or off the board. You do not have to go through this alone.

[harleyrunt]

I am praying for you everyday!!! Sometimes instead of one day at a time it has to be one minute or one second at a time. We are here!!

[best]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Annie,

We are here for you, on or off the board. You do not have to go through this alone.

Was thinking the same.
Even when I am not here, in a sense I am here. My thoughts and prayers are there even if I am not.
Don't pick up that first one... do it for yourself but at the same time, think of us if you start to reach for that first one.

[best]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

I can't go on poker runs or even go for a ride which is what I am desperate for.

I did a search for your area and had seen a few sober bike clubs listed in Mich.
If a ride is what you need or a poker run that is a sober run...
Try a google for sober woman's bike clubs for your area.

[toad]

You need to hang in there..........."This too shall pass."

What ever your problems are, drinking will only make them worse.....a proven fact in my life. Drinking is a life or death situation with alcoholics. When we don't drink for periods of time, the disease is still going on and progressing, it's always worse when we pick up again.

Annie, have you worked the steps, and asked another lady to be your sponsor?

My experience has shown that until I worked the steps honestly, I kept relapsing.

My prayer for you is that you have the God given strength to not take the first drink, or drug........hang in there one day at a time...........one hour at a time........one minute at a time.

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by Fulldresser4

Rarly..You out there????

Annie: I haven't been on for a couple....I just PM'd you. I'm here if you need to talk....Sounds like this may be your last bottom, my Sister. I pray that it is....

[Fulldresser4]

Thanks for the support, headed out to work bound and determined that this WILL be my last bottom. I will post tonight.

[recoveringnky]

Just saw this post FD4. Sorry I wasn't here physically, but I am always with you, as are the rest of us!! Hang tight sister.....this will pass and you will find your way again!!!
Love and hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((((((((((((BIG, BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))
Kym

[The_Hammer]

Dear Annie,

The only way I know for this thing to work is like so:

You admit complete defeat, alcohol is your master. Forget biker sensibilities, you want nothing more than relief from you disease. Period.

You come to the only conclusion ya can from there-you need a power greater than yourself to bring sanity back to your life.

Humbled-you tell that power that He/She/It can have your life-biker sensibilities and all.

Get a sponsor immediately and be in contact with her always. Call her BEFORE you drink.

Make 90 meetings in 90 days. Or go to outpatient treatment. Without this, you won't have to worry about your job or your family. Just ask me.

[Jazzed_N_MD]

I am in accord with Hammer.

When I had my last crash (literally), I laid there and spoke the words "Okay God, I'm through! This hurts!!" It didn't matter whether or not God exist, still doesn't today. This was my moment of total, absolute surrender as I spoke those words with all the sincerity my heart could muster, (I cannot control my addiction/alcoholism and my life is unmanageable by me). All the steps and all the meetings and all the sponsors in the world could do nothing without my sincerity. I had to be truly through with the pain of pains, sick of the sicks and tired of the tiredest. I had to decide that this was my bottom and in that decision, want to change.

(Action)
Now, I was not aware of what I had done till I got to looking at myself and taking a complete inventory, good and bad, including that moment. How did I feel at the time of each event and after each action, before and after that date.

I recalled the information I had received over the years, even though I did not stay clean. Applied what worked, (what I was told) and discarded what didn't, ( my own ideas). I searched for meetings that didn't (tinkle) me off or (tinkle) on me.

As I began to be able to discard the personalities and just engulf the principles, I started to grow by leaps and bounds. In experiencing this and seeing how I had (have) been changing, I realized that for me, there is not just a god of my understanding but that there is GOD. Everyone of us, including you, can say, "I should be dead". I was experiencing what others had and wasn't dieing, going crazy or becoming grandiose. He had been molding me since day one, allowing, on occasion, me to have an input (make a dent or two [ouch]). He still does today.


Today, I remember that I am on the top of my amends list. I am the first one I need to forgive, I am the first one whose inventory I must take. I am the only one I have a right to change. (No job is that important if I am not employable).
We, on the other hand, have a responsibility to any and all who seek or ask. This is why I am never alone, even when by myself.


I believe...that because you are here asking for help, He will. But you gotta be the one, unnerstan?

Okay, enough outa me

[lilbit]

What am I gonna do with you...fulldresser? Silly wabbit...dem trix is fer kidz....no no no...you have your path...long one it seems....it's different fer everybody...timing placement...finannces..my crappy spelling is killing ME! Anyhow...you get what I'm writing...eh? Sounds like you have a bunch of life on yer plate and the road seems too long fer you to handle....One shift at a time baby! Can't scream down the blacktop in second all day long. And ya can't crunch fouth without doing first, second, third....Well.. you CAn...but WOW! You would look sooo silly. I'd still ride with ya...but not on the back of THAT bike (side car neither pal!)...steady as she goes....
Life is worth the ride.....
Love ya...bonehead.

[Fulldresser4]

Thanks all..just got home from work, dead freakin' tired. Wanted to check in before I went to take a nap and then to bed. I will post more later, just keep them prayers coming for me.